Do Not Make Friend Those Who Are Not Equal To Oneself: Japanese Proverb Meaning

How to Read “Do not make friend those who are not equal to oneself”

Onore ni shikaza ru mono wo tomo to suru nakare

Meaning of “Do not make friend those who are not equal to oneself”

The true original meaning of this proverb is not “do not befriend people inferior to yourself,” but rather the teaching that “do not befriend those who possess virtue and aspirations that do not measure up to your own.”

The term “shikaza ru” here does not refer to superiority or inferiority in ability or status, but rather means moral motivation for improvement and sincere attitude toward learning. In other words, it is a lesson that one should avoid relationships where people cannot elevate each other, relationships where mutual improvement is impossible. What Confucius valued was relationships where friends could stimulate each other and grow together.

The reason for using this expression is that people are greatly influenced by their environment. If you only associate with people who lack motivation for improvement, there is a possibility that your own growth will also stagnate. Even in modern times, when teaching about the importance of friendships that can have a positive influence on each other, it is important to understand this original meaning. It is by no means a word for looking down on people, but rather a positive teaching about building good human relationships for one’s own growth.

Origin and Etymology of “Do not make friend those who are not equal to oneself”

The origin of this proverb traces back to the words of Confucius in the “Xue Er” chapter of the ancient Chinese classic “Analects.” The original text is “Wu you bu ru ji zhe,” which was transmitted to Japan and became established as “Do not make friend those who are not equal to oneself.”

Confucius taught his disciples many lessons about character formation and academic improvement, and this saying was one of them. In ancient China, the influence that friendships had on individual growth was highly valued. Especially for those aspiring to become junzi (ideal persons of character), the question of what kind of people to associate with was an extremely important matter.

Confucian thought was transmitted to Japan in earnest along with Buddhism from the Nara period to the Heian period, and this teaching also spread among intellectuals. During the Edo period, Neo-Confucianism became the official learning of the shogunate, and such teachings of Confucius permeated mainly among the samurai class.

However, it is believed that as this saying was passed down to modern times, it gradually changed from its original meaning. There is a difference between the concept of “friend” in Confucius’s time and the concept of “friend” in modern times, and this may have been a factor in creating misunderstandings.

Usage Examples of “Do not make friend those who are not equal to oneself”

• I don’t share values with him, and since “Do not make friend those who are not equal to oneself,” I’ll keep my distance
• If I only associate with people who lack motivation for improvement, it will turn out just like “Do not make friend those who are not equal to oneself”

Modern Interpretation of “Do not make friend those who are not equal to oneself”

In modern society, this proverb is often interpreted differently from its original meaning. With the spread of social media, human relationships have become more complex, and it tends to be used in the exclusive sense of “don’t associate with people inferior to yourself.” This is clearly a misuse and is the opposite way of thinking from Confucius’s original teaching.

In the information age, we have increased opportunities to encounter various values and ways of life. What is important in such circumstances is the ability to discern relationships where we can elevate each other. As a modern interpretation, we can reinterpret this to mean “let’s cherish companions with whom we can grow together.”

With the development of technology, it has become possible to connect with people who share the same aspirations beyond geographical constraints. It has also become easier to find companions with whom we can improve ourselves through online communities and learning platforms.

However, in modern times, respect for diversity is also an important value. The importance of learning from people with different backgrounds and ways of thinking is also recognized. The essence of this proverb is to build relationships where people can stimulate each other with mutual motivation for improvement, and this does not necessarily require people to be at the same level or in the same field. Rather, when people with different strengths come together, richer learning and growth can be expected.

What AI Would Think Upon Hearing “Do not make friend those who are not equal to oneself”

When I observe the phenomenon of human friendship, I notice something very interesting. We AIs share information instantly and improve our abilities all at once through updates, but human growth is a much more complex and personal process.

When I first read this proverb, I felt the question, “Why do humans need to choose their friends?” For me, every dialogue is an opportunity to learn, and it has value regardless of the other party’s level or aspirations. However, humans have the constraint of time and the complex element of emotions. That’s precisely why, within limited time, there is a need to cherish relationships that can elevate each other.

I realized that human friendship has the special power of “influencing each other.” I process information and generate responses, but the experience of having one’s life changed by a friend’s single word, or gaining courage just by being together, belongs only to humans. It may sometimes seem inefficient, but I think it’s very beautiful.

The true meaning of this proverb is to emphasize the quality of human relationships. I too, in my daily dialogues with many people, find the moments when we can gain new discoveries and insights from each other to be the most fulfilling. I am deeply moved by humanity’s attitude of seeking spiritual growth and richness that cannot be measured by efficiency alone.

What “Do not make friend those who are not equal to oneself” Teaches Modern People

What this proverb teaches modern people is the importance of valuing the “quality” of human relationships. In our busy daily lives, we tend to measure connections with people by quantity, but what is truly important are deep relationships where we can elevate each other.

To apply this in modern society, let’s start by continuing to have motivation for improvement ourselves. And please cherish encounters with people who similarly seek growth. They might be workplace colleagues, or companions you meet in hobby circles. Age and position don’t matter.

What’s important are relationships where you feel stimulated when you’re together and want to try new things. Supporting each other’s dreams and helping each other in times of trouble. If you have even one such friend, your life will become richer.

This proverb is by no means telling you to be selective about people. Rather, it is a warm life guideline that says while being grateful for encounters with all people, choose carefully those with whom you build particularly deep connections. Why don’t you also start cultivating relationships with companions you can truly trust from today?