How to Read “生みの親より育ての親”
Umi no oya yori sodate no oya
Meaning of “生みの親より育ての親”
This proverb means that the obligation to those who actually raised you with love and care is more important than blood relations.
It expresses that relationships built through daily care, education, and affection are more important and valuable to humans than biological parent-child relationships. Even if someone is a biological parent, if they abandon child-rearing or don’t show affection, it cannot be called a true parent-child relationship. On the other hand, even without blood ties, the person who raises someone with heartfelt care and contributes to their character development is the true parent in the real sense.
This proverb is used to encourage people who were raised as adopted children, foster children, or in step-parent relationships, or as a warning against being too fixated on blood relations. It is also used to express the depth of gratitude received from people other than parents, such as teachers or mentors, teaching us that what matters most in human relationships is not formal connections but the actual love and time invested.
Origin and Etymology
The origin of this proverb is deeply connected to Japan’s traditional family values and social systems. Since before the Edo period, Japanese culture has valued actual nurturing relationships over blood relations.
Particularly in samurai society, succession issues and strategic adoptions were frequent, and the qualities of those who would inherit the family and the obligation to those who actually raised them were considered more important than blood ties. In merchant families too, it was common to adopt excellent clerks as heirs, with ability and trust relationships being the deciding factors in business succession rather than blood relations.
This proverb is said to have appeared in literature from around the mid-Edo period, against the social background where many children who were not raised by their biological parents existed among the common people. Wet nurse systems and foster child systems were also well-developed, and it was not uncommon for biological parent-child relationships and actual nurturing relationships to be separate.
In such social circumstances, the value that “obligation to those who actually raised you with love and care is more important than blood ties” spread among the common people and became established as a proverb. It is a warm teaching born from the Japanese mentality that values human emotion.
Usage Examples
- That child is adopted, but as they say “Birth parent rather than raising parent,” he really adores his father
- I still send New Year’s cards to my teacher with the feeling of “Birth parent rather than raising parent”
Modern Interpretation
In modern society, the meaning of this proverb has come to be understood in more diverse and complex contexts. As we transition from traditional blood-centered family values to an era where selective family relationships and diverse family forms are recognized, the meaning of these words has gained even greater depth.
With the spread of stepfamilies, international adoptions, and foster care systems, family bonds that transcend blood ties have gained social attention. Also, due to the declining birthrate and aging population, problems of care and support that cannot be sustained by blood relations alone have emerged, and this phrase has come to be used to express gratitude to those who actually provide care.
On the other hand, understanding of biological parents has also deepened in modern times. The feelings of parents who had to give up their children for various reasons, and thoughts about biological connections have become more complex with the development of fertility treatments. Therefore, rather than simply interpreting this proverb as “blood relations are not important,” a more delicate understanding is required: “both are important, but the accumulation of actual love and time has special value.”
With the development of SNS and digital society, human relationships that transcend physical distance have also emerged, and the concept of “raising” itself is expanding. This proverb is being used in new contexts when expressing relationships with mentors and life guides.
When AI Hears This
This proverb demonstrates remarkable foresight in affirming diverse family structures over 400 years before modern society embraced them. According to Japan’s Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare statistics, approximately 40,000 divorces annually create new stepfamilies, while around 700 special adoptions are finalized each year. Yet this proverb has long recognized the value of “parent-child relationships beyond blood ties.”
Particularly noteworthy is the choice of the verb “raise” rather than simply “support.” This expression encompasses emotional affection, transmission of values, and involvement in character development that goes far beyond financial assistance. We could say this proverb intuitively grasped what modern developmental psychology calls “attachment theory” in an era without scientific backing.
Even more fascinating is how this proverb expands the concept of “parent.” Today it’s used to describe relationships with corporate mentors and influential teachers, reflecting a shift in values from blood families to “chosen families.” In our modern era where declining birth rates weaken blood relationships, this proverb presents a revolutionary view of family: “Family is not about blood connections, but about the relationships where people mutually invest in each other.”
Lessons for Today
This proverb teaches us modern people something important about “the essence of relationships.” It reminds us of the value of actually spending time for others and showing affection, rather than relying on blood relations, titles, or formal connections.
Whether at work or at home, true trust relationships cannot be built overnight. The accumulation of small daily considerations, extending a helping hand in times of trouble, and listening to others creates bonds deeper than blood relations. Especially in modern society where community connections tend to weaken, an attitude of consciously nurturing relationships with people is required.
This proverb also teaches the importance of cultivating a grateful heart. Those who support us are not necessarily just family members. We receive many benefits from teachers, friends, colleagues, and sometimes even strangers. The secret to building rich human relationships is to not forget gratitude to such people and to strive to become someone like a “raising parent” to others.
Heart over form, affection over connections. With this simple truth in our hearts, why don’t we start showing gratitude to our important people through actions from today?
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