How to Read “遠くて近きは男女の仲”
Tōkute chikaki wa danjo no naka
Meaning of “遠くて近きは男女の仲”
This proverb expresses that in relationships between men and women, physical distance and psychological distance are inversely proportional.
In other words, it shows the complexity of male-female relationships where hearts can be closely connected even when physically apart, while hearts can be distant even when physically close together. This applies to situations like couples in long-distance relationships who deeply care for each other, versus married couples living under the same roof but whose hearts don’t connect.
This proverb is used when expressing the mystery and complexity of romantic relationships and marriages. It’s employed to describe the subtlety of human emotions that cannot be measured by physical conditions alone. Even today, there are many situations that this proverb describes, such as relationships where people frequently communicate on social media but feel awkward when they actually meet, or relationships where people see each other daily but their hearts don’t connect.
Origin and Etymology
The origin of this proverb can be traced back to classical literature of the Heian period. Similar expressions describing the emotional distance between men and women can be found scattered throughout court literature such as “The Tale of Genji” and “The Pillow Book.”
Since ancient times in Japan, the concept of “distance” in male-female relationships has been considered important. The subtlety of human relationships, where physical distance and psychological distance don’t necessarily align, is thought to have been deeply rooted in the romantic views of Heian aristocrats.
The influence of Edo period merchant culture was also significant in the establishment of this proverb. In the society of that time, there were various restrictions on male-female interactions due to class systems and family systems. Under such circumstances, the reversal phenomenon between emotional distance and physical distance was a familiar and pressing experience for people.
Additionally, this proverb uses classical Japanese expressions “tōshi” and “chikashi,” which have slightly different nuances from modern Japanese “tōi” and “chikai.” In classical Japanese, these words carried deeper meanings that included not just physical distance, but also psychological intimacy and estrangement.
Through this long passage of time, this proverb that sharply captures the essence of human relationships has been passed down to the present day.
Usage Examples
- Even though they’re a married couple who have been together for many years, as “Far and near is man woman’s relationship” suggests, they’ve recently had fewer conversations
- I communicate daily with my boyfriend who’s on overseas assignment, so “Far and near is man woman’s relationship” – I feel our bond has actually deepened compared to when we first started dating
Modern Interpretation
In modern society, the meaning of this proverb has become more multi-layered. This is because the concept of physical distance itself has changed dramatically with the spread of the internet and social media.
Now that online communication has become commonplace, we can instantly connect with people on the other side of the globe. However, at the same time, it’s not uncommon to see couples or married partners who are next to each other but absorbed in their smartphones without conversation. This is precisely “Far and near is man woman’s relationship” appearing in new forms in the digital age.
Particularly in the modern era that has experienced the COVID pandemic, with the spread of remote work and online dating, the relationship between physical distance and psychological distance has become even more complex. Many people have experienced feeling deep connections through screens while also experiencing the frustration of not being able to meet in person.
Moreover, in modern times, the ways of measuring “emotional distance” have diversified. New indicators of “distance” have emerged, such as being left on read on LINE, reactions on social media, and online status.
However, no matter how much technology advances, the fundamentals of human emotions remain unchanged. The “reversal phenomenon between physical conditions and psychological states” that this proverb describes is actually appearing more prominently and in more diverse forms in modern times.
When AI Hears This
The “distant yet close” relationship depicted in this proverb has become surprisingly complex in the SNS era. While physical distance has certainly shrunk, emotional distance has become even harder to measure.
LINE’s read receipt feature is a perfect example. When you know someone has read your message but doesn’t reply, it takes the traditional “close yet distant” feeling to its absolute extreme. You can see they’re online, you can see their posts, but they won’t respond to you. This situation creates the same frustration on your smartphone screen that people once felt when longing for someone who was physically unreachable.
Even more fascinating is the “pseudo-intimacy” that social media creates. By seeing someone’s daily life through photos and knowing their real-time emotions through posts, we develop the illusion of closeness even without actual conversation. But when we try to interact directly, we discover there’s more distance than we thought.
The interpretation of emojis and stickers works the same way. Modern people trying to gauge someone’s feelings from a single heart emoji are essentially no different from people in the past trying to read their beloved’s heart through handwritten letters. Digital tools appear to bridge distances, but they’re actually creating new forms of “remoteness.”
Lessons for Today
This proverb teaches us something important as we live in modern times. It’s that what’s truly important in human relationships is not physical conditions, but emotional connections.
In our busy modern society, we tend to get caught up in visible conditions. Being in the same workplace, living in the same house, meeting frequently. We might feel secure in such superficial closeness and fail to notice emotional distance. On the other hand, we might give up on relationships because of long distance or being too busy to meet.
But what’s truly important is the feeling of caring for others and the effort to connect hearts. Even if you see each other every day, if you don’t pay attention to the other person’s feelings, your hearts will drift apart. Conversely, even if you’re physically separated, if you cherish the other person and make efforts to maintain connection, emotional distance will shrink.
This proverb asks us: How is the distance with your important person right now? Are you taking being close for granted and neglecting emotional exchange? Are you carefully nurturing the emotional connection with people who are far away? True intimacy exists beyond physical distance.
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