How to Read “Even politeness depends on the occasion”
Teinei mo toki ni yoru
Meaning of “Even politeness depends on the occasion”
This proverb teaches that polite behavior and language are important, but you should use them appropriately based on the situation.
Maintaining the highest level of politeness isn’t always the right choice. Sometimes simplicity or directness is what the moment requires.
People use this saying when advising someone who is being overly formal to be more flexible. It’s also used to caution someone who acts too leisurely during an emergency.
You might also hear it when someone maintains a stiff attitude with close friends, as a way to encourage them to relax more.
In modern times, this wisdom applies to situations where excessive politeness reduces efficiency. Examples include using too many honorifics in business or writing overly long email introductions.
The proverb shows the importance of choosing the right communication style. You need to consider your relationship with others, how urgent the situation is, and what you’re trying to achieve.
Origin and Etymology
The exact first appearance of this proverb in literature is unclear. However, based on its structure, people believe it was already in use during the Edo period.
The word “teinei” (politeness) combines two Chinese characters meaning careful and attentive. “Toki ni yoru” means something changes depending on the situation or occasion.
This proverb likely emerged from Japan’s culture of valuing etiquette and proper manners. During the Edo period, samurai society had detailed rules of conduct based on social status and position.
However, maintaining the highest level of politeness in every situation could seem unnatural. Sometimes it could even be considered rude.
For example, taking time for leisurely greetings during an emergency prevents you from dealing with the actual problem.
Being overly formal with close friends can make them feel distant. These experiences taught people that politeness is a virtue, but you need wisdom to know when and where to use it.
This proverb has been passed down as practical life advice that emphasizes the importance of reading situations correctly.
Usage Examples
- If you’re writing only polite greetings for an urgent message, even politeness depends on the occasion—you’re missing the point
- You’ve been friends for ten years now, so even politeness depends on the occasion—you don’t need to be so formal
Universal Wisdom
“Even politeness depends on the occasion” addresses the eternal theme of balancing courtesy with substance in human society.
As social beings, we learn to show respect for others through our actions. But we also constantly face the danger of letting form become the goal itself.
This proverb has endured because humans fundamentally have two conflicting desires. One is the desire to be accepted as a member of society and seen as a polite person.
The other is the desire to get things done efficiently and speak honestly. We constantly swing between these two needs.
What’s interesting is that this proverb doesn’t say “abandon politeness.” Politeness itself isn’t rejected. Rather, it asks for the wisdom to use this virtue appropriately.
This isn’t a simple either-or choice. It demands a higher level of humanity—the ability to read situations and understand what others truly need.
Our ancestors understood something important. Following formalities and cherishing substance can sometimes contradict each other.
And they knew the key to overcoming this contradiction lies in flexible judgment.
When AI Hears This
Polite language is actually like sending “backup copies” of information multiple times. For example, “Excuse me, if you don’t mind, sorry to trouble you” essentially repeats the information “please” from different angles.
In information theory, this is called redundancy.
In normal data transmission, increasing redundancy makes communication more resistant to errors. If you say “understood, understood, understood” three times in a noisy environment, the message gets through even if someone misses it once.
In human relationships—a “noisy communication channel”—there’s interference from people’s moods and positions. Politeness as redundancy prevents misunderstandings.
But in emergencies, saying “Excuse me, if you have time, would you consider evacuating” during a fire is fatal. The “transmission rate”—the amount of information per unit time—is too low.
What’s needed then is highly compressed data: “Run!”
What’s fascinating is how humans instantly adjust this compression rate based on the situation. Digital communication requires pre-programmed compression algorithms.
But humans unconsciously calculate the optimal redundancy level from facial expressions and atmosphere. This is extremely sophisticated adaptive information processing, where situational awareness and language output work together beautifully.
Lessons for Today
In modern society, this proverb’s teaching becomes increasingly important. Communication through social media and email has increased, constantly forcing us to judge “how polite should I be?”
This proverb teaches us that politeness is a means, not an end. The real goal is building good relationships with others and conveying necessary information appropriately.
Getting too caught up in formalities defeats the purpose if your main message doesn’t get through or you burden others unnecessarily.
Specifically, it’s important to develop the habit of comprehensively judging your relationship with others, how urgent your message is, and the atmosphere of the situation.
Be polite with new business partners, but efficient with team members. Keep urgent matters brief, but express gratitude with sincerity.
People who can respond flexibly like this earn trust and build smooth relationships with those around them.
Take time to reflect occasionally on whether you’re too caught up in formalities. The flexibility to not lose sight of what truly matters is the wisdom we need to live in modern times.
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