How to Read “Before being together is the flower”
Sowanu uchi ga hana
Meaning of “Before being together is the flower”
“Before being together is the flower” means that a romantic relationship is most beautiful and ideal before the couple actually gets together.
The period when two people are in love but not yet living together as a married couple represents the most radiant time in romance.
This proverb is used because during the pre-marriage period, people idealize their partners. They fill their hearts with expectations and dreams.
Since they haven’t started sharing daily life yet, they can’t easily see their partner’s flaws or practical problems. In their imagination, their partner shines as a perfect being.
The time spent apart makes their love grow stronger. Every moment they meet becomes special and meaningful.
Even today, people use this saying when dating couples talk about marriage. Married people also use it when looking back on their dating days.
This isn’t a phrase that rejects marriage. Instead, it acknowledges the special beauty of the period before being united.
Origin and Etymology
The exact first appearance of this proverb in literature isn’t clear. However, people likely used it among common folk by the Edo period.
Looking at the structure of the phrase, “sowanu” (before being together) is an old expression meaning to live together as a married couple. “Hana” (flower) symbolizes beauty and an ideal state.
Traditional Japanese views on romance saw special beauty in the period before marriage. The world of waka poetry contains many works about feelings of love and anticipation of meeting.
This cultural background valued the poignancy and beauty of love before it was fulfilled.
The choice of the word “flower” is particularly interesting. Flowers are most beautiful at the moment of full bloom, yet they possess a fleeting quality that makes them fade.
This transience expresses the very essence of romance before being united. The time when you idealize your partner in imagination and fill your heart with expectations shines like the moment a flower blooms.
This insight is embedded in the proverb.
This saying has been passed down through generations as an expression based on real feelings from the lives of common people.
Usage Examples
- I jokingly told my friend who decided to marry his girlfriend, “Before being together is the flower, you know.”
- Before my daughter’s wedding, I thought how true the saying “Before being together is the flower” is, and I felt nostalgic for that innocent time.
Universal Wisdom
The proverb “Before being together is the flower” captures a universal truth about the gap between human imagination and reality.
Why do people feel the period before being united is especially beautiful? This relates deeply to the human power of imagination and our nature of pursuing ideals.
We see infinite possibilities in things we haven’t yet obtained. When we imagine a future spent with someone, no obstacles or difficulties exist there.
The ideal relationship drawn in our minds is perfect and beautiful precisely because it isn’t constrained by reality. This psychology applies not just to romance but to all human desires and goal pursuits.
A deeper insight lies in this proverb’s choice of the word “flower.” The beauty of flowers isn’t eternal. Rather, they have value precisely because of their transience.
Our ancestors understood that the specialness of the period before being united exists in its temporariness. Because it won’t last forever, that moment shines brightly.
This is a truth that applies to every aspect of life.
This proverb has been passed down through generations because humans are beings who constantly waver between ideal and reality.
Expectation and reality, dreams and daily life—this proverb vividly reflects the essence of humans living in that space between.
When AI Hears This
In quantum mechanics, an electron before observation exists in a superposition state. It simultaneously satisfies “being here” and “being there.”
But the moment you measure its position with an instrument, that electron becomes fixed in one place. This “collapse by observation” has a surprisingly similar structure to the act of “being together” in romance.
The partner in your imagination can simultaneously possess contradictory qualities. They’re kind, funny, understanding, and financially stable all at once. In other words, infinite possibilities overlap in a superposed state.
However, once you actually start living together, it collapses into one specific reality. They’re grumpy in the morning, bad at cleaning, and have incompatible views on money.
In quantum observation problems, the result changes depending on the measurement method. In romance too, “how you observe” changes what you see.
Meeting only on dates versus sharing daily life reveals completely different aspects of the same person.
What’s interesting is Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle. It shows that the more accurately you measure position, the more uncertain momentum becomes.
The more you know about someone’s reality, the less you can see another element—the possibilities of the future. Before being together, both reality and future can exist as a beautiful probability cloud.
Lessons for Today
This proverb teaches modern people the importance of recognizing the value of this present moment.
We tend to focus only on the next stage, the next goal. But we shouldn’t forget that there’s beauty that exists only where we are now.
Not just in romance, but in work and hobbies too, the stage of pursuit has a special radiance. The excitement of chasing a dream, the fulfillment of working toward a goal.
These things change form after achievement. That’s why you should treasure the process itself.
At the same time, this proverb teaches the wisdom of accepting reality. Feeling disillusioned after being united or after daily life begins is natural.
It’s not that the other person changed. Your perspective simply shifted from ideal to reality.
Rather than viewing this change negatively, you need flexibility to discover value in the new stage.
If you’re pursuing something now, savor that time of pursuit itself. And if you’ve obtained something, don’t search for the next “flower.”
Instead, develop eyes that discover new value within your current relationships and situations. Every stage of life has beauty that exists only in that moment.
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