How to Read “Don’t send down from the hall the wife who ate rice bran and husks with you”
Sōkō no tsuma wa dō yori kudasazu
Meaning of “Don’t send down from the hall the wife who ate rice bran and husks with you”
This proverb teaches that you should never divorce the wife who shared your poverty just because you’ve become wealthy. It emphasizes the importance of marriage bonds by reminding us to never forget our gratitude and obligation to the partner who supported us through difficult times.
When people succeed, they tend to forget their past struggles. After gaining status or wealth, they might think there’s someone more suitable for them now.
However, this proverb warns against such changes of heart. It teaches the importance of staying faithful to those who walked with you through hardship.
Even today, people use this saying to express the attitude of cherishing family and old friends after achieving success.
Origin and Etymology
This proverb comes from the words of Emperor Guangwu of China’s Later Han Dynasty. Before becoming emperor, he had a wife who shared his poor days with him.
After he became emperor, his advisors suggested he should take a woman of higher status as his empress. Emperor Guangwu replied, “Don’t send down from the hall the wife who ate rice bran and husks with you,” and continued to cherish his original wife.
“Rice bran and husks” refers to sake lees and rice bran. These symbolize the humble food of poverty. It means the wife who shared a life so poor they survived on sake lees and rice bran.
“Don’t send down from the hall” uses “hall” to mean a grand palace. “Don’t send down” means don’t cast out or divorce.
This saying spread to Japan and became widely known as a teaching about valuing marriage bonds and obligation. It has been passed down through generations as a warning against forgetting the past after success and abandoning those who shared your hardships.
Usage Examples
- Even after succeeding in business, he maintained the spirit of “Don’t send down from the hall the wife who ate rice bran and husks with you” and cherished the wife who supported him from the founding days
- No matter how much I advance in my career, I want to remember the words “Don’t send down from the hall the wife who ate rice bran and husks with you” and keep gratitude toward the family who shared my struggles
Universal Wisdom
Behind this proverb lies a deep insight into human weakness. When people succeed, they tend to believe they built their current position through their own power alone.
Memories of past hardships fade. The existence of those who supported them becomes taken for granted and forgotten. This is a fundamental human tendency that transcends time and culture.
What’s particularly interesting is that this proverb focuses on the “wife,” the closest person. People may show courtesy to strangers but easily become arrogant toward those nearest to them.
Precisely because you share daily life with someone, you can lose sight of their importance. The labor of those who devotedly supported you behind your success becomes invisible because it’s too ordinary.
This proverb sees through the human weakness of “ingratitude.” At the same time, it reveals the truth that true character develops not in good times but in relationships forged through adversity.
Our ancestors knew that bonds with those who stood by you during difficult times are life’s most valuable treasure. Success is temporary, but bonds forged through hardship are eternal.
When AI Hears This
Economics textbooks teach “ignore sunk costs.” Since you can’t recover past investments, don’t include them in future decisions. By this logic, choosing a partner who matches your current status seems more rational than keeping the wife who shared your poverty.
But this applies only to one-time games. Life is a repeated game. Information that you abandoned the wife who shared your hardships spreads instantly to those around you.
Then the next people you interact with learn “this person betrays others when conditions improve.” Game theory mathematically proves that in environments where such reputation information is shared, building long-term trust becomes overwhelmingly more advantageous than short-term gains.
What’s interesting is that this proverb emphasizes not just the act of “not abandoning your wife,” but publicly declaring it as “don’t send down from the hall.” You’re displaying your commitment strategy to those around you.
This becomes a powerful signal to future collaborators. If they partner with you, they won’t be abandoned even in temporarily unfavorable situations.
As a result, the most talented people and sincere partners gather around you. Short-term losses return multiplied through the compound interest of long-term trust. This is true rationality.
Lessons for Today
What this proverb teaches modern people is what true richness in life really means. It’s not status or wealth, but bonds with those who helped you overcome difficult times.
In modern society, better conditions and more attractive options constantly appear before us. Looking at social media shows others’ glamorous lives, making you dissatisfied with your current situation.
But what truly matters are the people who stayed by your side during hard times. Those who supported you expecting nothing in return.
This teaching applies not just to marriage but to all relationships with friends, colleagues, and family. When you succeed, don’t forget gratitude toward those who supported you.
That’s human integrity and proof of true success. A heart that values the past will make your future richer.
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