How to Read “To ask even when you know is courtesy”
Shitte tou wa rei nari
Meaning of “To ask even when you know is courtesy”
This proverb means that asking someone a question, even when you already know the answer, is proper etiquette. This isn’t just about confirming knowledge. It’s understood as an act of showing respect to the other person.
For example, this applies when someone senior is trying to explain something. It also applies when someone wants to share their knowledge or experience.
In such situations, saying “I already know that” might hurt the other person’s feelings. Instead, asking humbly even when you know shows respect. It helps the conversation flow smoothly.
This way of thinking remains important today in business and daily relationships. You respect the other person’s position and feelings. Even if you know the answer, you give them a chance to explain.
This proverb teaches us that such courtesy enriches human relationships.
Origin and Etymology
The exact origin of this proverb has several theories. It’s believed to be influenced by classical Chinese ideas about courtesy. The Confucian concept of “rei” (propriety) is likely the background. This means showing respect through actions.
“To ask even when you know” might seem contradictory at first. Why would you ask if you already know? But this contains deep wisdom about Japanese human relationships.
This proverb shows the importance of “form” in communication. When someone wants to explain something, or when you want to honor their position, you ask questions. Even if you already know the answer.
This isn’t just exchanging knowledge. It’s a way to show respect through action.
Similar ideas appear in etiquette books from the Edo period. This suggests it was widely accepted as wisdom for smooth relationships. Both in samurai society and in the merchant world.
This proverb reflects a key feature of Japanese culture. It values relationships over acquiring knowledge.
Usage Examples
- I listened to my senior’s explanation until the end with the spirit of “to ask even when you know is courtesy”
- The manager’s talk covered things I knew, but I asked questions thinking “to ask even when you know is courtesy”
Universal Wisdom
All humans have a desire to have their knowledge and experience recognized. This proverb has been passed down for hundreds of years. This is because it sees through this universal human nature.
Valuing relationships over knowledge or information itself may seem inefficient. But in human society, what truly matters isn’t just accuracy of knowledge. It’s relationships where people respect each other.
When someone wants to talk, it’s easy to interrupt with “I already know that.” But you can pause and think about their feelings instead.
You can choose to protect someone’s dignity rather than show off your knowledge. Our ancestors believed that people who can make this choice are truly wise.
This proverb contains deep insight into human relationships. We all have a wish to be recognized and respected.
Understanding and responding to that wish in others becomes the foundation for building trust. Knowledge makes people smart, but consideration for others makes people rich.
Times may change, but the essence of the human heart doesn’t. That’s why this proverb continues to teach us important things today.
When AI Hears This
In information theory, important messages are sent with “redundancy.” For example, when airplane pilots confirm understanding, they deliberately repeat: “Roger, understood, acknowledged.” This ensures the message gets through in noisy communication environments. Asking questions when you know the answer is exactly this use of redundancy.
What’s notable is that the real information being conveyed isn’t the “answer.” It’s the meta-message: “I respect you.” In signaling theory, costly actions are more trustworthy.
The cost of asking when you know—using both your time and the other person’s time—makes the signal of respect hard to fake. If you just said “I know,” it might be empty words.
What’s more interesting is that this redundancy also serves as a two-way verification function. By listening to their explanation, you can check if your understanding matches theirs.
It’s the same principle as parity checking in communications engineering. It guarantees information accuracy.
In the “noisy communication channel” of human relationships, reliability matters more than efficiency. The redundant act of asking when you know is a smart communication protocol. Evolution created it to reliably deliver the fragile signal of respect.
Lessons for Today
This proverb teaches us what true communication ability means. In our information society, the quantity of knowledge and information tends to be emphasized. But what really matters in human relationships is the ability to empathize with others’ feelings.
This teaching shines even brighter now that SNS and email exchanges have increased. Online, efficiency is prioritized. We tend to react instantly with “read” or “I know.”
But pause and think. What does the other person want to convey? What feelings do they have when sharing that story?
At work or at home, the attitude of listening to others until the end matters. So does receiving even familiar information with fresh interest. This is never a waste of time.
Rather, it’s an important investment in building the invisible asset of trust.
The people around you may not want to show off knowledge. They may want to connect with you. Responding to that feeling is the first step toward rich human relationships.
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