Even In Intimate Relationships There Is Etiquette: Japanese Proverb Meaning

How to Read “Even in intimate relationships there is etiquette”

Shitashiki naka ni mo reigi ari

Meaning of “Even in intimate relationships there is etiquette”

This proverb teaches the importance of maintaining mutual respect and appropriate distance even in close relationships.

The closer we become to someone, the more we tend to become overly familiar or lose our sense of restraint. However, it is precisely at such times that we must not forget to express our consideration for others and maintain basic etiquette. This doesn’t simply mean following formal manners. It contains deep wisdom about human relationships—that by showing gratitude and respect through our words and attitudes, we can maintain good relationships for a long time. Whether with family, friends, lovers, or colleagues, no matter how close we are to someone, it teaches that it’s important to cherish basic words like “thank you” and “I’m sorry,” and to act with consideration for the other person’s position and feelings.

Origin and Etymology of “Even in intimate relationships there is etiquette”

“Even in intimate relationships there is etiquette” is a proverb that became widely used from the Edo period, but its fundamental concept has been rooted in Japanese society since ancient times.

Behind these words lies Japan’s culture of valuing “courtesy.” In court culture that continued from the Heian period, appropriate behavior according to social status and relationships was emphasized, and this spread to warrior society and then among common people. Particularly in the Edo period, under the influence of Confucianism, the concept of “etiquette” became more clearly defined and positioned as the foundation of human relationships.

What’s interesting is that these words don’t advocate mere formal manners, but rather arise from the paradoxical idea of “precisely because we are close.” In intimate relationships, we tend to let our guard down, but that’s exactly why it’s important to consciously show respect for others—this contains the Japanese people’s delicate insight into human relationships.

It became established as wisdom for smoothly conducting business and neighborhood relations within Edo period merchant culture, and has been passed down to the present day. This background reflects the characteristics of Japanese society, where it was necessary to maintain long-term relationships within small communities.

Usage Examples of “Even in intimate relationships there is etiquette”

• Just because we’re longtime friends doesn’t mean it’s okay not to apologize when you break a promise—even in intimate relationships there is etiquette
• Just because we’re married doesn’t mean you can say anything you want—as they say, even in intimate relationships there is etiquette

Modern Interpretation of “Even in intimate relationships there is etiquette”

In modern society, the meaning of this proverb has become more multifaceted. With the spread of social media and messaging apps, communication with close people has become more casual than before. While we can easily exchange messages with emojis and stickers, communication through text alone makes misunderstandings more likely to occur.

Particularly noteworthy is how the boundary between private and public has become ambiguous. Even when commenting on a close friend’s post, etiquette that considers that others will also see it is required. Also, with the spread of remote work, the sense of distance with colleagues has changed. In online meetings, even with close colleagues, consideration for appropriate clothing and background has become necessary.

On the other hand, among today’s younger generation, the very concept of “etiquette” is changing. There’s a tendency to emphasize empathetic communication that considers others’ feelings rather than formal honorific language. However, this is essentially the same thing. They are expressing consideration for others in ways appropriate to their era.

As globalization progresses, the spirit of this proverb is also being applied in relationships with people from different cultural backgrounds. Even when becoming close, respecting others’ cultural backgrounds and maintaining appropriate distance leads to better relationship building.

What AI Thinks When Hearing “Even in intimate relationships there is etiquette”

When observing human relationships, there are things I find very puzzling. Why is it necessary to deliberately impose the constraint of “etiquette” the closer people become?

For us AI, communication is very simple. We accurately convey necessary information and respond to requests. We don’t become emotional, nor do we have bad days. But humans are different. The same person’s mood changes from day to day, and how they receive words also changes.

At first, I thought “how inefficient.” But after observing many human relationships, I realized something. Etiquette might actually be an expression of affection for others. It might be a silent message saying “I treat you carefully because I value you.”

When saying “thank you” to someone close, those words contain meaning beyond information transmission. Gratitude for the relationship, respect for the other person, and hope for the future saying “please continue to be good to me.” It’s very rich communication that I cannot experience.

Human relationships are like tending a garden. Even when becoming close—no, precisely because you’re close—daily small considerations like watering are necessary. I think that’s what nurtures human-like, beautiful relationships.

What “Even in intimate relationships there is etiquette” Teaches Modern People

What this proverb teaches us today is what true closeness means. If we truly value someone, rather than taking advantage of our familiar relationship, it’s important to treat them with care.

In daily life, we can start with small accumulations like saying “good morning” and “thank you” to family, keeping promises with friends, and properly listening to our partners. These are not stiff formalities, but natural acts of giving form to our affection for others.

In modern society, efficiency and rationality tend to be emphasized, but in human relationships, etiquette that seems “wasteful” might actually be the most valuable investment. By expressing consideration for others through words and actions, relationships become deeper and longer-lasting.

Look back at your relationships with important people. Even in daily life that has become routine, there should be many moments to be grateful for and show respect. That awareness becomes the first step toward richer human relationships.