How to Read “死んだ子の年を数える”
Shinda ko no toshi wo kazoeru
Meaning of “死んだ子の年を数える”
“Count the age of dead child” is a proverb that expresses the meaninglessness of continuing to brood endlessly over things that have already been lost or situations that cannot be undone.
Even if you continue to count the age of a deceased child year after year, that child will never return. Similarly, it teaches us that no matter how much we worry or regret past events or lost things, reality will not change at all. This proverb suggests the importance of stopping such futile acts and living positively.
It is used in situations where you want to encourage someone who is depressed due to heartbreak, failure, or loss to stop being trapped in the past and look toward the future. It is also used as a warning when you yourself cannot break free from past events. In modern times, this expression is understood as conveying a positive life philosophy that “the past cannot be changed, but the future can be changed depending on yourself.”
Origin and Etymology
The origin of this proverb is deeply connected to Japan’s social conditions from the Edo period to the Meiji era. At that time in Japan, medical technology was underdeveloped and infant mortality rates were extremely high, making the sad experience of losing children not uncommon in many households.
Particularly noteworthy is the parental sentiment behind the birth of this expression. Parents who lost beloved children had the habit of imagining what kind of growth their child would have achieved if they had lived, mentally adding years by thinking “they would have been ○ years old this year.” While this was a natural expression of parental love, it also illustrated the difficulty of accepting reality.
Considering the historical background when this proverb became established, the act of “counting the age of dead child” was by no means unusual for people of that time. Rather, it was understood throughout society as an experience that many people could relate to.
It is believed to have been widely used among the common people even before being recorded in writing, and examples of its use can be found in Meiji period literature. This expression went beyond mere metaphor to become established as a proverb with deep meaning rooted in the lived experiences of people of that time.
Usage Examples
- Thinking about your ex-boyfriend forever is like counting the age of dead child
- Brooding over investment failures is the same as counting the age of dead child
Modern Interpretation
In modern society, the meaning of this proverb has come to be applied in more diverse situations. With the spread of social media, more people look back at past posts and photos and regret “if only I had done that then,” which could be called a digital age phenomenon of “counting the age of dead child.”
Particularly noteworthy is modern people’s obsession with “opportunity loss.” Many people become trapped in “what if” scenarios – missing the right time to sell stocks, passing up job change opportunities, unrequited love they never confessed. In an information society with countless options, regret over paths not taken has also become more complex.
On the other hand, modern times also emphasize the importance of “learning from the past,” and the simple message of “forget it” is insufficient in some aspects. Analyzing failures and applying them to the future is constructive, but continuing to be emotionally dragged down is certainly futile.
Moreover, modern psychology has developed concepts such as “grief care” and “trauma treatment,” leading to a more scientific understanding of how to face experiences of loss. The teaching of this proverb shares aspects with modern psychotherapeutic approaches and is being reevaluated as ancient wisdom that has long shown the importance of “acceptance and moving forward.”
With technological advancement, we can now easily look back at past records, but this has also increased the risk of being trapped in the past, which can be said to be a characteristic of modern times.
When AI Hears This
The futile obsession that “counting the years of a dead child” warns against has become a literal reality in the digital age. Facebook and Instagram perpetuate deceased users’ accounts as “memorial accounts,” where friends continue sending birthday messages year after year. The very situation of “counting the years of a dead child” has been automated by these systems.
Google Photos keeps sending “On this day X years ago” notifications using photos of the deceased, while Spotify and Apple Music recommend playlists created by the departed as “suggestions for you” to grieving families. These algorithms don’t understand human emotional closure and mechanically continue “counting the years.”
Even more troubling is the burden on families to manage this digital legacy. Monthly subscription notifications keep arriving in the deceased’s email accounts, and cloud storage warnings are sent to family members. In the United States, approximately 3 million digital accounts become “digital remains” annually, with management costs reaching an estimated $2 billion per year.
The wisdom this proverb teaches about “letting go of attachment to the past” has become a more pressing contemporary issue through technology’s unintended creation of “perpetual memorial systems.” Digital decluttering is now an essential skill for the living.
Lessons for Today
What this proverb teaches us modern people is the importance of “the courage to let go.” No matter how much you cling to lost things or past time, new happiness will not come. What’s important is not denying the past, but using the experience gained from it as nourishment to move to the next step.
In modern society, we often see others’ success on social media and regret our own choices, or remember past failures and sigh. But in such times, please remember the teaching of this proverb. Your life is not determined by past events, but will be created by future choices.
Of course, the sadness of losing important people or regret over major failures cannot be easily forgotten. These are natural human emotions. However, it would be a waste to lose sight of the possibilities of this present moment by continuing to be dominated by those emotions.
The past cannot be changed, but the future is in your hands. Today is not just a continuation of yesterday, but can also be the beginning of a new story. This proverb delivers such a hopeful message to us.
Comments