How to Read “三顧の礼”
Sanko no rei
Meaning of “三顧の礼”
“Three visits’ courtesy” refers to a person of high status making repeated visits to politely request the services of an outstanding talent.
This proverb doesn’t simply mean asking repeatedly, but rather expresses the importance of welcoming talent with utmost courtesy while showing deep respect and sincerity toward the other person. It is used in situations such as when companies headhunt excellent personnel, or when organizational leaders seek to gain capable collaborators.
The reason for using this expression is that truly valuable talent cannot be moved by simple condition proposals or a single request. Only by genuinely recognizing the other person’s abilities, demonstrating through actions a strong will that this particular person is indispensable, and showing respect for them, can one move the heart of excellent talent. Even in modern times, the more outstanding the talent, the more they tend to value the sincerity and enthusiasm of those who need them. The teaching of this proverb can be said to be a universal truth that remains valid today.
Origin and Etymology
“Three visits’ courtesy” originates from the famous episode of Liu Bei and Zhuge Liang recorded in the Chinese classic “Records of the Three Kingdoms.” This story comes from the tale of Liu Bei, who would become the ruler of Shu during the late Han period, visiting the hermit genius strategist Zhuge Liang (courtesy name Kongming) three times at his thatched cottage to invite him to serve under him.
During the first and second visits, Zhuge Liang was absent, but Liu Bei did not give up and made a third visit. At this time, Zhuge Liang was taking an afternoon nap, but Liu Bei waited respectfully until he woke up. Moved by this sincere attitude, Zhuge Liang finally decided to serve Liu Bei.
“Gu” means “to look back” or “to visit,” and “rei” represents courteous behavior. Thus, “Three visits’ courtesy” means three courteous visits. This historical tale is also described in detail in “Romance of the Three Kingdoms” and has been transmitted to Japan since ancient times, becoming established as a proverb representing the ideal attitude when inviting outstanding talent. In China, it is called “Three Visits to the Thatched Cottage” and continues to be passed down as a model example of talent recruitment.
Interesting Facts
When Liu Bei visited Zhuge Liang, Zhuge Liang was still a 27-year-old young man. Liu Bei, on the other hand, was 46 years old—old enough to be his father—yet he continued to bow his head to the young genius.
Liu Bei, who gained Zhuge Liang through “Three visits’ courtesy,” would later be supported by Zhuge Liang’s outstanding strategies in founding the state of Shu. This talent recruitment became a turning point that greatly changed the power dynamics of the Three Kingdoms period.
Usage Examples
- To poach that excellent engineer, we’ll need to approach with Three visits’ courtesy
- The president himself extended Three visits’ courtesy and finally succeeded in welcoming the industry’s charismatic figure as an advisor
Modern Interpretation
In modern society, the concept of “Three visits’ courtesy” has taken on new meaning as competition for talent acquisition intensifies. Particularly in the IT industry and startup companies, it’s not uncommon to see management repeatedly approach outstanding engineers and designers directly.
However, modern “Three visits’ courtesy” is not based on classical hierarchical relationships, but rather understood as an attitude seeking equal partnership. While the proliferation of social media and business matching apps has diversified approaches to talent, the essence of showing respect and sincerity toward others remains unchanged.
On the other hand, in modern times, the boundary between “persistent solicitation” and “sincere Three visits’ courtesy” can sometimes become ambiguous. There are cases where people continue to approach persistently, using “Three visits’ courtesy” as an excuse even when the other party has clearly declined. This can be said to be a misuse that deviates from the original meaning.
True “Three visits’ courtesy” means continuing to convey one’s enthusiasm and respect for the other person while respecting their will. Even in modern times, showing human sincerity rather than just formal condition proposals remains the key to moving the hearts of excellent talent.
When AI Hears This
A fascinating phenomenon is occurring in today’s headhunting and job market. The more talented individuals are, the more they tend to perceive passionate corporate approaches as “pressure” and actually avoid them.
According to psychological reactance theory, when people feel their freedom is being restricted, they tend to want to do the opposite. Today’s talented professionals have abundant choices, and when they receive strong messages like “we really want you to join us,” they unconsciously feel that their “freedom of choice is being taken away.”
Particularly for millennials and younger generations, the proliferation of social media has made them so accustomed to “being pursued” that they struggle to feel a sense of scarcity. Instead, companies that “deliberately don’t pursue” or “reach out casually” are interpreted as “confident” and “genuinely recognizing their abilities,” creating a more favorable impression.
In fact, the IT industry has embraced “casual interviews” as the mainstream approach, while traditional formal hiring processes are increasingly avoided. The kind of enthusiasm that involves making three visits is now likely to be perceived as a negative signal suggesting “desperation due to talent shortage” or “no other options available.”
Liu Bei’s “sincerity” from ancient times has transformed into “burden” in the modern era. This shift reflects the essence of contemporary society, where individual values have shifted from “loyalty” to “freedom.”
Lessons for Today
What “Three visits’ courtesy” teaches modern people is that to obtain something truly valuable, one needs the resolve to spare no time and effort. Precisely because we live in a modern society that tends to seek instant results, this teaching holds special meaning.
The same applies to human relationships. Relationships with trustworthy partners and friends cannot be built overnight. Deep connections are born only by continuing to understand others, show respect, and interact with sincerity.
This historical tale also teaches us the importance of “waiting.” The patience to respect the other person’s timing, continue conveying one’s feelings without being pushy. This is an important skill in modern communication as well.
When you seek something important, please don’t give up after a single failure or rejection. Things that are truly valuable are worth such effort. However, it’s also important to never forget respect for others and constantly reflect on whether your feelings are becoming self-centered.
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