How to Read “礼も過ぎれば無礼になる”
rei mo sugireba burei ni naru
Meaning of “礼も過ぎれば無礼になる”
This proverb means that while being polite is important, when it goes too far and becomes excessively courteous, it can instead cause discomfort or burden to the other person, ultimately resulting in rudeness.
True courtesy is born from a caring heart toward others, and the teaching embedded here is that one should not become so obsessed with formal etiquette that they lose sight of the original purpose. For example, if you act too apologetic toward customers or repeatedly apologize, the other person will become tired from having to be considerate. Also, excessively polite language and behavior can sometimes create distance with others and cause a loss of approachability. This proverb is used when wanting to point out that the essence of courtesy is a caring heart toward others, and the danger of forgetting that heart and pursuing only formality. Even today, it provides very practical teaching about the importance of maintaining a balance between appropriate courtesy and natural behavior.
Origin and Etymology
The origin of this proverb is thought to have emerged from teachings about Japan’s ancient etiquette and social manners.
In the samurai society of the Edo period, strict etiquette was highly valued. However, it was known through experience that being too obsessed with formal courtesy could instead cause discomfort to others or ruin the atmosphere of a situation.
This teaching has been passed down as an important concept particularly within Japanese traditional culture such as tea ceremony and flower arrangement. In tea ceremony, along with the spirit of “ichigo ichie” (one time, one meeting), the importance of consideration for others surpassing formality is taught, and excessive formalism was warned against as something that damages the original “spirit of hospitality.”
There was also a similar way of thinking in the merchant world. While courteous treatment of customers is important, when it goes too far it can tire the other person or create distance, so the importance of appropriate distance was taught.
This proverb is wisdom that naturally emerged from Japanese aesthetic sense that values heart over form, and from a culture of consideration that thinks from the other person’s perspective.
Usage Examples
- New employee Tanaka is polite, but as they say “Courtesy too if exceeds rudeness becomes,” his excessive apologies make it difficult to talk to him
- When I kept bowing repeatedly while serving customers, my senior warned me that “Courtesy too if exceeds rudeness becomes”
Modern Interpretation
In modern society, the meaning of this proverb appears in more complex and diverse situations. Particularly in digital communication such as SNS and email, phenomena where excessive honorific language and apologetic words burden others are frequently seen.
In business emails, starting with “Thank you for your hard work” and layering too many cushioning phrases like “I’m terribly sorry, but” and “I apologize, but” can make the essential content difficult to convey. Also, even in casual tools like LINE, using unnecessarily polite language can create distance, and such cases are increasing.
Similar phenomena are seen in the service industry. Overly manualized honorific language and forced smiles can give customers a sense of unnaturalness and discomfort, preventing the original spirit of “hospitality” from being conveyed. Particularly from foreign tourists, voices saying “Japanese people are too polite and tiring” are heard.
On the other hand, within modern diverse values, it has become difficult to judge what constitutes “appropriate courtesy.” Due to differences between generations and cultural backgrounds, standards of courtesy differ, making flexible responses tailored to the other person more important.
This proverb, as a universal teaching that values sincerity toward others over formality, has not lost its value even in modern times.
When AI Hears This
In modern digital communication, a phenomenon we might call “excessive politeness syndrome” is spreading. There’s been a sharp increase in people who repeatedly use phrases like “thank you for your hard work” in emails, overuse emojis and exclamation marks in LINE messages, or pile on prefatory phrases like “I’m terribly sorry to bother you” and “I apologize for reaching out when you’re so busy.”
Research by psychologists shows that excessive politeness actually gives others the impression that “this person is hiding their true feelings,” which can damage trust rather than build it. On social media in particular, there are reported cases where overly polite comments are perceived as “standoffish” or “keeping distance,” leading to deteriorating relationships with followers.
What’s particularly interesting is a survey of people in their twenties about their reactions to receiving excessively polite messages: 68% responded that they “feel pressured” or “get tired feeling like they have to respond at the same level.” In other words, politeness intended as consideration for others becomes a form of “rudeness” that actually exhausts the recipient.
In the digital age, true courtesy might lie in maintaining an “appropriate sense of distance” that considers the other person’s time and psychological burden.
Lessons for Today
What this proverb teaches us today is that true communication begins with empathizing with the other person’s heart. While formal etiquette is important, the sensitivity to perceive how the other person feels is what constitutes real consideration.
In daily life, let’s have the flexibility to adjust our level of courtesy according to our relationship with others and the situation. Be polite at first in a new workplace, but find a natural distance as you get used to it. In friendships, value honest feelings over excessive reserve. When you can make such distinctions, your relationships will become much richer.
Especially in today’s digital society, it’s difficult to read others’ feelings through text-only exchanges. But that’s precisely why the imagination to think from the other person’s perspective becomes important. By developing the habit of thinking “Will this word make the other person happy? Won’t they feel burdened?” your communication skills will surely improve.
Courtesy is one form of expressing affection toward others. Let’s cherish heartfelt appropriate distance so that this affection is correctly conveyed to others.
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