How to Read “親子の仲でも金銭は他人”
Oyako no naka demo kinsen wa tanin
Meaning of “親子の仲でも金銭は他人”
This proverb teaches that even in the closest relationship of parent and child, when it comes to lending, borrowing, or transacting money, one should handle it cautiously and fairly as if dealing with strangers.
If you bring indulgence or ambiguity into financial matters just because you are blood-related family, it can instead lead to serious troubles and potentially damage precious parent-child relationships. Rather, precisely because you are parent and child, establishing clear agreements about money and processing it through proper procedures is the secret to maintaining good relationships long-term. This proverb is used when considering lending or borrowing money between family members, or in situations where financial management tends to become ambiguous because of family ties, to convey the importance of maintaining appropriate distance. Even today, the importance of this lesson is often reaffirmed in inheritance issues and business succession in family-run enterprises.
Origin and Etymology
The origin of this proverb is thought to be rooted in the teachings of merchant houses during the Edo period. In the merchant society of that time, strict financial management when inheriting the family business was considered important, and the idea that monetary transactions in business should be treated separately even if there were blood relations became established.
Particularly from the mid-Edo period onward, as commerce developed and the monetary economy penetrated society, there were many cases where financial troubles between family members led to the downfall of merchant houses. Therefore, merchant houses developed the lesson that “precisely because they are family, one must be strict about money.”
Behind this was the conflict between Japan’s culture that values “emotion” (jo) and the necessity of “reason” (ri) in business. Even in the most intimate relationship of parent and child, when money is involved, emotions can easily run high, creating the danger of actually worsening relationships – this is something our predecessors learned from experience.
Also, unlike warrior society, the merchant world emphasized practical benefits, so a way of thinking that prioritized commercial ethics over blood relations took root. This proverb is presumed to have been nurtured in such merchant culture and eventually spread among common people as well.
Interesting Facts
In Edo period merchant houses, there was actually a custom of conducting the handover of account books from parent to child during business succession using the same procedures as “business transfer between strangers.” This is thought to have been wisdom to eliminate emotional indulgence and ensure accurate understanding of the business reality.
Even in modern tax law, gift taxes and other regulations are strictly applied to monetary transfers between parents and children, and the idea of “special treatment because they’re parent and child” doesn’t work. In this respect, the wisdom of Edo period merchants aligns with modern legal systems.
Usage Examples
- Even when lending money to my son, since parent child’s relationship even in money matters are strangers, I had him write a proper promissory note
- You can’t be lenient just because it’s a family business – they say parent child’s relationship even in money matters are strangers, right?
Modern Interpretation
In modern society, the meaning of this proverb has become more complex and important. This is because with the advancement of nuclear families and longer periods of economic independence between parents and children, financial troubles between family members have become even more serious problems than before.
Particularly noteworthy is that while the spread of digital payments has made monetary exchanges easier, cases where “small loans and borrowings” accumulate and develop into major problems are increasing. Precisely because smartphone payments have made transfers casual, clear rules are needed even between parents and children.
Moreover, in modern times, large monetary movements between family members occur frequently, such as parents’ nursing care costs and children’s education expenses. In such situations, it’s necessary to consider not only emotional arguments but also tax issues and future inheritance implications, truly requiring the “caution of strangers.”
On the other hand, in modern values that emphasize family bonds, an overly business-like attitude can sometimes feel cold. However, this is precisely why the true meaning of this proverb shines. If you truly care about your family, treating them fairly in financial matters by setting aside emotions will ultimately protect family relationships.
In modern times, this proverb’s value is being reevaluated with the interpretation that “precisely because there is love, money is separate.”
When AI Hears This
The term “parent gacha” reflects a passive worldview where people accept their parents’ economic power and abilities as their predetermined fate. However, “even between parent and child, money matters are between strangers” presents a completely opposite philosophy. This proverb fundamentally rejects the notion that “it’s natural to depend on parents because they’re family,” teaching instead that even blood relatives should face each other as independent individuals when it comes to financial matters.
What’s fascinating is that modern psychological research also identifies “boundary clarification” as key to healthy parent-child relationships. American family therapy includes a concept called “financial boundaries,” where establishing monetary limits between parents and children is said to promote psychological independence for both parties.
While “parent gacha” discourse certainly points to the reality of inequality, it simultaneously creates a sense of resignation: “I can’t help it if I wasn’t blessed with good parents.” In contrast, this proverb contains an empowering message: “Regardless of what your parents are like, you can become a financially independent person.”
Research actually shows that economically independent parent-child relationships tend to develop deeper emotional bonds. When financial dependence is eliminated, relationships can be built on pure affection and respect. This proverb offers classical wisdom that shows the generation lamenting “parent gacha” a path to break free from fatalistic thinking and live a proactive life.
Lessons for Today
What this proverb teaches us modern people may be “what true love really is.” Precisely because you love your family, you set aside emotions and interact fairly in financial matters. This is not a cold attitude at all, but rather an expression of deep consideration for the other person.
In modern society, cases where relationships deteriorate due to financial troubles between family members are endless. At such times, please remember the teaching of this proverb. Rather than being indulgent because you’re parent and child, or because you’re siblings, precisely because they are precious people, make proper agreements and keep them.
Specifically, when lending or borrowing money between family members, always put it in writing, clarify repayment deadlines, discuss interest rates – practice what “strangers would naturally do” even between family members.
This does not deny family love at all. Rather, it is wisdom for maintaining good relationships long-term. Supporting each other under proper rules rather than being ambiguous due to temporary emotions will ultimately deepen family bonds. Why not apply this ancient wisdom to modern times to protect your precious family relationships?
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