How to Read “親思う心にまさる親心”
Oya omou kokoro ni masaru oyagokoro
Meaning of “親思う心にまさる親心”
This proverb expresses that a parent’s feelings for their child are far deeper and greater than a child’s feelings for their parent.
While a child’s feelings of gratitude and love toward their parents are precious, it teaches that the love parents pour into their children is unconditional and infinite. Parents have deep affection that wishes for their child’s happiness and sometimes seeks to protect the child even at the cost of sacrificing themselves. This expression praises the greatness of parental love while also containing the teaching that children should recognize the depth of their parents’ benevolence. In daily life, it is used when we tend to forget gratitude toward our parents or when we want to understand the true intentions behind our parents’ actions. Many people first truly understand the meaning of these words when they become parents themselves, and it is also used to express how love is passed down across generations.
Origin and Etymology
The origin of this proverb is thought to have emerged from the fusion of Confucian teachings from the Edo period with Japanese family values. It is believed to have become established as an expression of the depth of parent-child affection during the process of Confucian thought, which values “filial piety,” taking root in Japan.
The classical word “masaru” means “to surpass” or “to exceed,” an expression still used today, but in this proverb it indicates not a simple comparison but a difference in the quality of affection. By contrasting a child’s feelings for their parent with a parent’s feelings for their child, it expresses the selfless nature and depth of parental love.
Similar expressions can be found in educational books and moral texts from the Edo period, and they were particularly used in the home education of samurai families when teaching about the depth of parental benevolence. It is also thought to have spread as a teaching that fostered feelings of gratitude toward parents, connecting with the Buddhist concept of “on” (benevolence).
This proverb is said to have become established in its current form from the Meiji period onward, and within the modern family system, it has continued to be beloved by many as an expression of the importance of parent-child bonds. It has been passed down to this day as an expression of family love deeply rooted in the Japanese heart.
Usage Examples
- When her son got married and left home, the mother saw him off with a smile despite her loneliness, and I felt this was truly “Parent thinking heart exceeds parent heart”
- Only after becoming a parent myself could I truly understand the weight of the words “Parent thinking heart exceeds parent heart”
Modern Interpretation
In modern society, the meaning of this proverb has come to be understood in more multifaceted ways. Now that nuclear families have become prevalent and it has become normal for parents and children to live physically apart, the ways of expressing parental affection have also diversified.
The way parents show concern for their children’s recent activities through SNS and messaging apps can be said to be the modern version of “Parent thinking heart exceeds parent heart.” Even when children don’t respond, parents continue to worry and watch over them. Also, as the number of working mothers increases, for parents struggling to balance work and childcare, this proverb serves as words that reaffirm the depth of their own affection.
On the other hand, the concept of “toxic parents” has also spread in modern times, and it is recognized that not all parent-child relationships are ideal. However, the feelings of many parents wishing for their children’s happiness remain unchanged, and the essence of this proverb still applies in modern times.
Furthermore, in an aging society with declining birthrates, problems of “overprotection” and “excessive interference” where parents place too many expectations on their children have also been pointed out. Parental affection sometimes hinders a child’s independence, and this proverb also has meaning as an opportunity to reconsider ways of expressing affection. In modern parent-child relationships, the balance between the depth of affection and appropriate distance has become important.
When AI Hears This
There’s a fundamental “temporal misalignment” in parent-child love. A child’s love for their parents centers on “gratitude for the past,” while a parent’s love for their child is largely dominated by “worry for the future.” This difference in tense decisively changes the quality of love.
In psychologist Erik Erikson’s developmental theory, the parent generation is in the “generativity” stage, where nurturing and guiding the next generation is the most crucial task. In other words, parental love is directly connected to the very meaning of their own lives. Meanwhile, a child’s love emerges during the process of “identity formation” – a journey of self-discovery – which inevitably includes self-centered elements.
Even more fascinating is the “asymmetry of investment.” Parents unilaterally invest over 20 years of time, effort, and money into their children. According to economics’ “sunk cost effect,” the larger the investment, the stronger the attachment to that target becomes. Children receive this parental investment as “something natural,” making it difficult for them to feel the same weight.
This asymmetry can also be explained biologically. If parents lose their child, their genetic lineage is severed, but if children lose their parents, they can still pass on their own genes. From an evolutionary perspective, it’s natural law that parental love would be more intense.
Lessons for Today
This proverb teaches us important things about the essence of love as we live in modern times. First, the importance of not forgetting feelings of gratitude toward our parents. In our busy daily lives, let’s take another look at our parents’ affection that we tend to take for granted.
And when you become a parent yourself, remember these words. Even when you’re troubled or tired from child-rearing, your affection is irreplaceable to your child. You don’t need to be perfect. Just having feelings of caring for your child is enough.
Also, for those who are not parents, this proverb serves as a guide for human relationships. The feeling of caring deeply for someone is not something that expects anything in return. True affection is something that finds joy in giving.
In modern society, there are various forms of families. Even in relationships connected by heart rather than blood, deep affection like this “parental love” exists. What matters is the depth of affection and the gratitude of those who receive it.
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