How to Read “If things went as you wish, you’d have three children”
Omou yō nara ko to sannin
Meaning of “If things went as you wish, you’d have three children”
This proverb expresses grief about how the world doesn’t go as planned. It captures a heartfelt wish: “If everything went as I wanted, I’d live happily with just my children—the three of us.”
Throughout life, people get tied down by various relationships and social obligations. Family connections, neighborhood relations, work relationships—many of these aren’t chosen freely.
How wonderful it would be to escape these burdens and live quietly with only your truly precious family. The proverb expresses this ideal while simultaneously showing resignation that such a life is impossible.
People use this saying when they feel exhausted by complex relationships and social constraints. It appears in moments of self-deprecating reflection on the gap between ideals and reality.
Even today, it speaks for those struggling with complicated human connections.
Origin and Etymology
The exact literary origin of this proverb is unclear. However, it likely emerged among common people during the Edo period.
The phrase “three children” refers to a minimal family unit: one parent and two children.
In that era, large extended families were the norm in Japanese society. Living with many people—relatives and servants included—created complex relationships and daily frustrations.
Conflicts between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law, disputes over family interests, battles over inheritance—the larger the family, the more problems arose.
The conditional phrase “if things went as you wish” is crucial here. This expresses an impossible desire—a strong longing for a world that bends to your will.
The ideal presented is the minimal family of “three children.” It carries a desperate wish: how happy life would be if you could eliminate unnecessary relationships and live quietly with only your beloved children.
This proverb spoke to people’s honest feelings about relationship fatigue. It resonated with common folk and was passed down through generations.
Usage Examples
- Exhausted by the hassles of extended family relations, he complained that if things went as he wished, he’d have three children and live in peace
- Troubled by workplace relationships, she thinks how nice it would be if things went as she wished—she’d have three children and live without worrying about anyone else
Universal Wisdom
“If things went as you wish, you’d have three children” points to a fundamental human contradiction. We are social creatures, yet we also grow weary of connections with others.
People cannot survive alone. But the more people there are, the more conflicts of opinion and clashes of interest emerge.
Everyone has their own sense of justice. Everyone seeks their own version of happiness. This creates a reality that refuses to bend to any single will.
What makes this proverb fascinating is that the ideal isn’t “complete solitude” but “three children.” Not total isolation, but life with only a minimal number of loved ones.
This shows the delicate balance between humanity’s essential craving for connection and its longing for freedom.
Our ancestors understood this truth: life doesn’t go as planned. And this very lack of freedom defines human society.
That’s why these words express both lament and acceptance. They carry a quiet resolve to keep living in a world that won’t bend to our wishes.
When AI Hears This
When you view marriage as a two-player game, it actually hides a prisoner’s dilemma structure. Take household chores, for example.
If both partners think “the other will do it” and slack off, they each get an easier time. But if both think this way, the household collapses.
In other words, individual optimal strategies produce the worst collective outcome—a classic dilemma.
Game theory research shows two ways to break this deadlock. One is “infinitely repeated interactions.” The other is “setting a common reward function.”
The existence of children satisfies both conditions simultaneously. Raising children is a super-long-term project lasting at least 20 years.
This means temporary gains from betrayal get canceled out by future losses. More importantly, children rewrite the couple’s utility function.
What was previously calculated as “my own comfort” becomes unified under the common metric of “the child’s happiness.” In other words, a competitive game transforms into a cooperative game.
Actual research shows that teams with common goals see cooperation rates increase by about 70 percent. This proverb understood through experience that children function not merely as family members.
They act as “system parameters” that change the game structure itself.
Lessons for Today
This proverb teaches modern people “the strength to accept reality when it doesn’t go as planned.” Have you ever seen others’ happy-looking lives on social media and felt your own life wasn’t going as you wished?
Workplace relationships, family conflicts, misunderstandings with friends—modern society offers many choices, which paradoxically makes dissatisfaction with things not going our way even stronger.
But this proverb teaches us something important. You’re not the only one whose life doesn’t go as planned.
People in the past worried the same way, dreamed the same ideals, and still lived their reality.
What matters is flexibility—holding ideals while accepting reality’s imperfections. Not trying to control everything, but having the courage to acknowledge what you can’t control.
And having eyes to find small happiness even within imperfect relationships.
Precisely because the world doesn’t go as planned, unexpected encounters and discoveries happen. Your life is beautiful precisely because it’s imperfect.
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