How to Read “老いては子に従え”
Oite wa ko ni shitagae
Meaning of “老いては子に従え”
“When old, follow children” is a teaching that when one ages and their judgment and physical strength decline, they should humbly follow the opinions and decisions of their grown children.
This does not deny parental dignity in any way. Rather, it teaches the importance of appropriate role distribution at each stage of life. Parents who guided their children with experience and wisdom in their youth need humility to trust and entrust themselves to the new knowledge and judgment of their children, who are the active generation, when they become old and can no longer keep up with the changes of the times or feel physical limitations.
The situations where this proverb is used are mainly in family decision-making or when elderly people adapt to changes in modern society. For example, it is used when the younger generation can make more appropriate judgments regarding the use of digital technology, medical choices, or changes in living environment. The wisdom embedded here is that when parents trust their children and children respond to that trust, the entire family moves in a better direction.
Origin and Etymology
The origin of “When old, follow children” is thought to be rooted in ancient Chinese classical thought. Confucian teachings valued “filial piety” and taught mutual responsibilities in parent-child relationships. However, what this proverb shows is not a simple reversal of parent-child relationships.
In Japan, this way of thinking is said to have become established from the Heian period to the Kamakura period, as the system of family succession was established. In the samurai society of that time, when the head of the family aged and their judgment declined, it was important to transfer actual power to successors to protect the family.
What is interesting is the concept of “three obediences” that underlies this proverb. This showed subordinate relationships according to life stages: “When young, follow parents; when married, follow husband; when old, follow children.” Although it was often used as a teaching particularly for women, it was accepted as a universal life lesson that also applied to men.
This proverb took deep root in Japanese society because there was a cultural foundation that valued seniority systems and family institutions. It was understood not as mere submission, but as the natural flow of generational change.
Usage Examples
- Father also recently follows “when old, follow children” and leaves smartphone usage to his son
- Grandmother decided to enter a facility following mother’s recommendation with the mindset of “when old, follow children”
Modern Interpretation
In modern society, the proverb “When old, follow children” has come to have complex meanings different from before. With the advancement of the information society, an unprecedented knowledge gap has emerged between the digital native generation and the elderly. It is not uncommon for the younger generation to be overwhelmingly more knowledgeable about technologies essential to daily life, such as online banking, smartphones, and social media.
On the other hand, modern values emphasize individual independence and dignity. Elderly people’s awareness of their rights has also increased, creating resistance to simply “following.” As understanding of dementia deepens, the dangers of uniformly determining decline in judgment ability have also been pointed out.
What is interesting is that the interpretation of this proverb is changing from “submission” to “cooperation.” In modern times, the ideal is a mutually complementary relationship where the experience and wisdom of the elderly are respected while the younger generation supports them with new technologies and information.
Also, due to nuclear families and declining birthrates with aging populations, situations where it is physically difficult to “follow children” are increasing. Therefore, the current situation requires interpretation from a broader perspective that includes cooperation not only with family but also with local communities and specialized institutions.
When AI Hears This
For those in power, voluntarily relinquishing that power is extraordinarily difficult from both biological and psychological perspectives. However, “when you grow old, follow your children’s lead” contains a clever mechanism that reframes this difficulty as a “natural stage of growth.”
According to psychological research, the fear of losing power is one of humanity’s fundamental anxieties. Since power is directly linked to our sense of self-efficacy and personal worth, letting it go tends to be perceived as “rendering oneself powerless.” Yet this proverb skillfully neutralizes that resistance by connecting power transfer to “aging” – an unavoidable biological process.
What’s particularly fascinating is the expression “follow.” This isn’t simply “step aside,” but rather suggests active participation in a new role. Even in modern organizational psychology, “the ability to delegate authority at the right moment” is valued as a key trait of excellent leaders, but this proverb was highlighting that importance centuries ago.
Looking even deeper, this functions as a social system for facilitating smooth generational transitions. It prevents the societal stagnation that occurs when power holders stubbornly cling to their positions, creating a mechanism to inject fresh ideas and vitality into organizations – and it teaches this principle starting from the smallest unit: the family.
Lessons for Today
“When old, follow children” teaches modern people the importance of humility and flexibility in life. We all tend to be confident in our own experience and knowledge, but times are constantly changing, and new generations appear with new wisdom.
This proverb shows the importance of continuing to learn regardless of age. If you are in a parent’s position, you can live a richer life by humbly accepting your children’s new ideas and technical knowledge. If you are in a child’s position, you are required to act responsibly to live up to the trust your parents show you.
The same can be said in modern workplaces. Veterans listen to new ideas from younger workers, and younger workers respect veterans’ experience. Such mutually respectful relationships help entire organizations grow.
What is important is to view “following” not as humiliation, but as an expression of trust. In your life too, sometimes entrusting yourself to others and sometimes being entrusted by others. If you can build such warm relationships, you will surely be blessed with rich human connections.
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