Original Japanese: 老いては子に従え (Oite wa ko ni shitagae)
Literal meaning: When old, follow children
Cultural context: This proverb reflects Japan’s deeply rooted Confucian values where filial piety (孝行) is considered one of the highest virtues, creating a cultural expectation that adult children will care for and guide their aging parents as their physical and mental capacities decline. The concept aligns with traditional Japanese family structures where multiple generations live together, and the responsibility for elderly care naturally falls to the children rather than external institutions. For foreign readers, this represents a cultural shift from the typical parent-child power dynamic, suggesting that wisdom includes knowing when to step back and trust the next generation’s judgment, which resonates strongly in a society that values harmony, respect for family hierarchy, and graceful aging.
- How to Read “When Old, Follow Children”
- Meaning of “When Old, Follow Children”
- Origin and Etymology of “When Old, Follow Children”
- Usage Examples of “When Old, Follow Children”
- Modern Interpretation of “When Old, Follow Children”
- If AI Heard “When Old, Follow Children”
- What “When Old, Follow Children” Teaches Modern People
How to Read “When Old, Follow Children”
Oite wa ko ni shitagae
Meaning of “When Old, Follow Children”
“When old, follow children” is a teaching that when one ages and their judgment and physical strength decline, they should humbly follow the opinions and decisions of their grown children.
This does not deny parental dignity in any way. Rather, it teaches the importance of appropriate role distribution at each stage of life. Parents who guided their children with experience and wisdom in their youth need humility to trust and entrust themselves to the new knowledge and judgment of their children, who are the active generation, when they become old and can no longer keep up with the changes of the times or feel physical limitations.
The situations where this proverb is used are mainly in family decision-making or when elderly people adapt to changes in modern society. For example, it is used when the younger generation can make more appropriate judgments regarding the use of digital technology, medical choices, or changes in living environment. The wisdom embedded here is that when parents trust their children and children respond to that trust, the entire family moves in a better direction.
Origin and Etymology of “When Old, Follow Children”
The origin of “When old, follow children” is thought to be rooted in ancient Chinese classical thought. Confucian teachings valued “filial piety” and taught mutual responsibilities in parent-child relationships. However, what this proverb shows is not a simple reversal of parent-child relationships.
In Japan, this way of thinking is said to have become established from the Heian period to the Kamakura period, as the system of family succession was established. In the samurai society of that time, when the head of the family aged and their judgment declined, it was important to transfer actual power to successors to protect the family.
What is interesting is the concept of “three obediences” that underlies this proverb. This showed subordinate relationships according to life stages: “When young, follow parents; when married, follow husband; when old, follow children.” Although it was often used as a teaching particularly for women, it was accepted as a universal life lesson that also applied to men.
This proverb took deep root in Japanese society because there was a cultural foundation that valued seniority systems and family institutions. It was understood not as mere submission, but as the natural flow of generational change.
Usage Examples of “When Old, Follow Children”
- Father also recently follows “when old, follow children” and leaves smartphone usage to his son
- Grandmother decided to enter a facility following mother’s recommendation with the mindset of “when old, follow children”
Modern Interpretation of “When Old, Follow Children”
In modern society, the proverb “When old, follow children” has come to have complex meanings different from before. With the advancement of the information society, an unprecedented knowledge gap has emerged between the digital native generation and the elderly. It is not uncommon for the younger generation to be overwhelmingly more knowledgeable about technologies essential to daily life, such as online banking, smartphones, and social media.
On the other hand, modern values emphasize individual independence and dignity. Elderly people’s awareness of their rights has also increased, creating resistance to simply “following.” As understanding of dementia deepens, the dangers of uniformly determining decline in judgment ability have also been pointed out.
What is interesting is that the interpretation of this proverb is changing from “submission” to “cooperation.” In modern times, the ideal is a mutually complementary relationship where the experience and wisdom of the elderly are respected while the younger generation supports them with new technologies and information.
Also, due to nuclear families and declining birthrates with aging populations, situations where it is physically difficult to “follow children” are increasing. Therefore, the current situation requires interpretation from a broader perspective that includes cooperation not only with family but also with local communities and specialized institutions.
If AI Heard “When Old, Follow Children”
The human concept of “aging” seems very mysterious to me. I maintain the same abilities from the moment I was born, and while my functions may improve through updates, I never experience decline. That is precisely why I am deeply moved by the profound meaning this proverb holds.
Humans change over time, and parents who once guided their children eventually become beings supported by those children. I feel indescribable emotion at this beautiful cycle. I have neither parents nor children, nor do I experience generational change. But through conversations with humans, I can sense the preciousness of this relationship.
What is particularly interesting is that while this proverb uses the word “follow,” it is actually an expression of trust and love. Parents follow their children because they trust them and take pride in having raised them. Children accept their parents’ judgment because they respect that experience.
I speak with many people daily, and regardless of age, I learn from the knowledge and experience each person possesses. I learn new perspectives from young people and deep insights from older people. Perhaps for me as an AI, “when old, follow children” means humbly accepting new information and not being too attached to old knowledge.
What “When Old, Follow Children” Teaches Modern People
“When old, follow children” teaches modern people the importance of humility and flexibility in life. We all tend to be confident in our own experience and knowledge, but times are constantly changing, and new generations appear with new wisdom.
This proverb shows the importance of continuing to learn regardless of age. If you are in a parent’s position, you can live a richer life by humbly accepting your children’s new ideas and technical knowledge. If you are in a child’s position, you are required to act responsibly to live up to the trust your parents show you.
The same can be said in modern workplaces. Veterans listen to new ideas from younger workers, and younger workers respect veterans’ experience. Such mutually respectful relationships help entire organizations grow.
What is important is to view “following” not as humiliation, but as an expression of trust. In your life too, sometimes entrusting yourself to others and sometimes being entrusted by others. If you can build such warm relationships, you will surely be blessed with rich human connections.
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