How to Read “What comes to be is unwanted, what is wished for does not come to be”
Naru wa iya nari, omou wa narazu
Meaning of “What comes to be is unwanted, what is wished for does not come to be”
This proverb expresses a contradictory situation in human life. We feel dissatisfied with what we actually achieve, while what we truly desire never comes true.
It’s a bitter truth about life. The things we obtain or accomplish leave us feeling unfulfilled. Meanwhile, what we really want or hope for remains frustratingly out of reach.
This saying is often used in the context of marriage arrangements and relationships. Someone might marry through an arranged meeting but feel the partner isn’t ideal. Or they can’t be with the person they truly love.
Today, this expression applies to many life choices. Job hunting, choosing schools, romance—whenever we face these decisions, we might feel this dilemma. We can’t be satisfied with what we get, yet what we really want stays beyond our grasp.
The words carry a deep sense of resignation. They reflect both the endless nature of human desire and the irony of fate.
Origin and Etymology
The exact origin of this proverb in historical texts hasn’t been clearly identified. However, the structure of the phrase offers interesting insights.
The expression contrasts two verbs: “naru” (to come to be) and “omou” (to wish). This is a classical Japanese rhetorical technique.
The first half, “naru wa iya nari,” expresses dissatisfaction with what actually happens. The second half, “omou wa narazu,” laments how our wishes don’t come true. This parallel structure vividly highlights the contradiction in human psychology.
The use of “iya nari” is particularly noteworthy. This classical term doesn’t just mean dislike. It expresses an unfulfilled state of mind.
It captures human nature perfectly. We can’t be satisfied with what we get, and new desires keep arising. This single word conveys that quality precisely.
This proverb was especially common in discussions about marriage arrangements. During the Edo period, ordinary people used it to express difficulties in love and marriage.
Even when a marriage partner was decided, they might not match the ideal. The ideal partner remained out of reach. The saying became established as a way to express these situations.
It shows the wisdom of our ancestors. They captured complex human emotions about life’s important choices in just a few simple words.
Usage Examples
- I finally got a job offer, but all I feel is dissatisfaction. Meanwhile, I got rejected from all my top-choice companies. It’s truly “what comes to be is unwanted, what is wished for does not come to be.”
- I married someone introduced through an arranged meeting, but I can’t forget my first love. People really knew what they were talking about with “what comes to be is unwanted, what is wished for does not come to be.”
Universal Wisdom
This proverb reveals the eternal gap between human desire and satisfaction. Why can’t we be satisfied with what we obtain?
It’s because humans constantly imagine “something better.” Imagination is a wonderful power that has driven human progress. But it’s also a curse that blinds us to present happiness.
There’s an even deeper truth here. The reality that we can’t get what we want. We’d like to believe we can fully control our lives.
But in reality, factors beyond our control have huge influence. Luck, connections, timing—these things we can’t do anything about matter greatly.
This double suffering defines the human condition. “Can’t be satisfied even when we get it” and “can’t get it even when we want it.” This contradiction might be fundamental to human existence.
Ancient people didn’t try to solve this contradiction. They chose to accept it as life’s truth. This proverb contains the futility of seeking perfection.
It also holds the resolve to live with imperfect reality. People carry unsatisfied hearts, yet still keep living. Both the strength and weakness of humanity are condensed in these brief words.
When AI Hears This
Messing up a room takes an instant. Cleaning it takes many times longer. This everyday experience actually matches a fundamental law of physics perfectly.
According to the second law of thermodynamics, entropy in an isolated system always increases over time. Entropy means disorder.
Drop one drop of ink into a glass of water, and it naturally spreads. But once spread, that ink will never gather back into one spot on its own. This is also a matter of probability.
Imagine a bookshelf with 100 books. The number of ways to arrange them randomly is astronomical. But there’s only one correct arrangement by author name.
In other words, disordered states are overwhelmingly easy to achieve. Ordered states are extremely rare.
Human desires have the same structure. Unwanted results—disordered states—have countless paths leading to them. Ways of eating that make you gain weight are infinite.
But lifestyle habits that maintain your ideal body type are limited. Meanwhile, desired results are highly ordered states that only happen when specific conditions align. Achieving them requires continuous energy input.
This proverb was actually putting a physical law into words. Since the universe has a nature of moving toward disorder, nothing takes the form we want without intentional effort. It expressed this as human experiential wisdom.
Lessons for Today
This proverb teaches modern people an important lesson. Happiness isn’t about “what you obtain” but “how you perceive it.”
Modern people see others’ success on social media and feel anxious. They can’t be satisfied with their own achievements. For them, these words serve as an important warning.
What matters is how we live after knowing this contradiction. First, develop a habit of consciously reconsidering the value of what you’ve obtained.
Your current job, your current relationships, your current situation—they all have value. Don’t take them for granted. Stop and take time to feel grateful.
At the same time, when your wishes don’t come true, don’t see it as life’s failure. Things not going as planned might be a door to different possibilities.
By letting go of attachment, you might encounter unexpected happiness. This proverb teaches us the truth that no perfect life exists.
Dissatisfaction and unfulfilled wishes are proof of being human. Accept that imperfection while cherishing this present moment. That might be the wisdom our ancestors wanted to pass down to us.
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