How to Read “Crying seven times and parting”
Nanatsu naki wakare
Meaning of “Crying seven times and parting”
“Crying seven times and parting” is a proverb expressing a folk belief that couples with a seven-year age gap have poor compatibility and will eventually separate.
This expression shows how people have long paid attention to age differences when choosing marriage partners.
A seven-year age gap was thought to create subtle mismatches in the era people grew up in, their values, and life experiences.
Couples aren’t close enough in age to fully relate to each other, yet not far enough apart to accept their differences easily. This middle ground supposedly creates more friction.
People used this proverb to advise those considering marriage or to help make decisions about marriage arrangements.
Today, many treat it as a superstition without scientific basis. However, it was once seriously believed.
Even now, when we recognize that personal compatibility and shared values matter more than age difference, this saying reminds us to think about how age gaps might affect marriage.
Origin and Etymology
No clear written records explain the origin of “Crying seven times and parting.” However, the structure of this phrase reveals an interesting background.
The number “seven” holds special meaning in traditional Japanese folk beliefs. Age seven marked an important milestone in child development and remains a key age in the Shichi-Go-San celebration.
The expression “seven years apart” served as a concrete number representing an age gap close to one full cycle.
“Crying and parting” describes a separation so painful it brings tears. This phrase became associated with folk beliefs about spousal age differences, likely influenced by marriage views dating back to the Edo period.
During that time, marriages emphasized connections between families, and age-gap marriages were common.
However, a seven-year gap occupied an awkward middle ground. It was neither same-generation nor parent-child level difference.
This in-between position supposedly made mismatches in values and life experiences more likely.
Such folk beliefs probably emerged from wisdom drawn from people’s lived experiences. They served as warnings about how age differences might affect relationships in marriage, one of life’s most important choices.
Usage Examples
- Old people say “Crying seven times and parting,” but my grandparents have a seven-year age gap and live happily together
- When I worried about age difference in marriage counseling, someone brought up the old superstition of “Crying seven times and parting”
Universal Wisdom
Behind the birth and transmission of the “Crying seven times and parting” superstition lies a universal theme: the difficulty of finding the “right distance” in human relationships.
A seven-year age gap is neither too close nor too far. This subtle distance might be the hardest territory to navigate in relationships.
People of the same generation easily connect through shared topics and values. Those with large age gaps can build relationships accepting differences from the start.
But a middle-ground difference creates a gap between the expectation that “we should understand each other” and the reality that “we actually don’t.”
This superstition reveals a human truth: we’re attracted to similarity but most hurt by subtle differences.
In relationships where partners are neither completely alike nor obviously different, small misalignments appear as major friction. The greater the expectation, the deeper the disappointment.
For the important life choice of marriage, our ancestors tried to pass down wisdom learned from experience in an easy-to-understand numerical form.
Whether scientifically correct or not, it proves they intuitively understood the difficulties of human relationships.
This superstition asks us a timeless question: how do we accept differences with our partners?
When AI Hears This
Experiencing seven partings is actually extremely rational as a risk diversification strategy for human relationships.
According to sociologist Granovetter’s research, about 80 percent of people who successfully changed jobs got information from “acquaintances they rarely meet.”
In other words, shallow and wide relationships bring more new information and opportunities than deep and narrow ones.
Let’s think about this mathematically. Suppose you part with seven people and maintain relationships where you meet each a few times per year.
If those seven people are in different industries or regions, you can access seven different information networks.
On the other hand, if you maintain only one deep relationship, that person’s information likely overlaps with yours, making new information harder to obtain.
In the investment world, they say “don’t put all your eggs in one basket.” Human relationships work the same way.
Seven partings may feel lonely emotionally, but from a social capital perspective, they represent diversified investment.
Even if the probability of gaining information or support from each relationship is 30 percent, having seven routes means the probability of getting something from at least one exceeds 90 percent.
By repeatedly parting, people unintentionally build optimal information-gathering networks.
Lessons for Today
What “Crying seven times and parting” teaches modern people is the danger of judging human relationships by numbers and conditions alone.
Age difference is certainly one factor, but it’s not everything. Rather, knowing this superstition helps us notice the essential question of how to face differences with our partners.
What matters is not fearing differences but adopting an attitude of acknowledging them.
Whether seven years apart or not, two people living together need to make efforts to understand and respect each other’s different backgrounds and values.
This superstition may communicate the need for such effort in a somewhat superstitious form.
In modern society, marriages with age gaps are no longer unusual, and diverse relationships are accepted.
We don’t need to be bound by old superstitions. However, the lesson of being aware of differences with your partner and valuing communication to overcome them remains timeless.
In your relationship with someone important to you, treasure emotional connection above all, not superficial conditions.
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