How to Read “物も言いようで角が立つ”
mono mo iiyo de kado ga tatsu
Meaning of “物も言いようで角が立つ”
This proverb means that even when conveying the same content, depending on how you say it or express it, you may make the other person uncomfortable or create friction in human relationships.
No matter how correct or necessary something you say may be, the way the other person receives it changes greatly depending on your choice of words, timing, and tone. If you use inconsiderate direct expressions or speak without considering the other person’s position, even if the content is justified, it will damage your relationship with them.
This proverb is especially used when giving warnings, criticism, or expressing opposing opinions. Even if you say something with the other person’s best interests at heart, if you say it poorly, you’ll earn their resentment, and not only will you fail to achieve your original purpose, but you’ll also cause the relationship to deteriorate. This lesson is still relevant today in various situations such as workplace guidance, family conversations, and advice between friends.
Origin and Etymology
The origin of this proverb is thought to have emerged from Japan’s classical view of language and wisdom about human relationships. The expression “corners stand up” is a uniquely Japanese metaphorical expression that originally derived from the physical sharpness of corners to represent friction or conflict in human relationships.
Similar expressions can be found in Edo period literature, suggesting that the importance of word choice was socially recognized even then. Particularly in samurai society, a single careless word could be fatal, so choosing words carefully was a vital skill that could mean the difference between life and death.
The part “things also depending on way of saying” shows that even the same content can give vastly different impressions to the other person depending on how it’s expressed. This is deeply connected to Japan’s “kotodama” (word spirit) philosophy, which holds that words contain souls and can bring about both good and bad results depending on how they’re used.
In the merchant world as well, word choice was extremely important for maintaining smooth relationships with customers. Merchants knew from experience that even when recommending the same product, sales could change depending on how they said it. It’s believed that this proverb became established through the accumulation of such real-life experiences.
Interesting Facts
The expression “corners stand up” may actually have originated from architectural terminology. When the corners of wood or stone materials are sharp, people can easily get injured by bumping into them, so craftsmen would round the corners to make them safe. This physical work of “removing corners” is thought to have developed into the expression “not letting corners stand up” in human relationships as well.
Interestingly, there’s also an expression that pairs with this proverb: “removing corners.” This conversely means softening harsh words to make them more acceptable to the other person, demonstrating the richness of Japanese expression.
Usage Examples
- Even though he gave good advice, things also depending on way of saying corners stand up, so everyone started avoiding him.
- When guiding subordinates, things also depending on way of saying corners stand up, so I really have to be careful with my word choice.
Modern Interpretation
In today’s SNS society, the importance of this proverb has increased even more. In text-only communication, tone of voice and facial expressions don’t come through, making the same content more likely to cause misunderstandings. It’s not uncommon for slight differences in phrasing to cause “flame wars.”
With the spread of remote work, email and chat exchanges have increased, making it harder to convey the subtle nuances possible in face-to-face communication. When supervisors give instructions to subordinates, parts that could previously be softened with facial expressions or voice tone can now feel cold when conveyed only through text.
On the other hand, techniques for “changing how you say things” have also developed in modern times. Customer service has systematized ways of speaking that don’t create friction through the use of “cushion words,” and expression methods that don’t make others uncomfortable are being researched in business communication as well.
However, the negative effects of “consideration culture,” where choosing words too carefully makes the original meaning ambiguous, have also been pointed out. By placing too much emphasis on not creating friction, important problems can be overlooked. Modern people are required to balance consideration for others with frank communication.
When AI Hears This
According to pragmatic research, actual words account for only 7% of the “meaning” we receive. The remaining 93% is determined by non-verbal information such as tone of voice, facial expressions, and gestures.
“Even words can cause friction depending on how they’re said” perfectly captures this phenomenon. For example, the same phrase “thank you for your hard work” can convey genuine gratitude when said with a smile, but sounds sarcastic when delivered expressionlessly in a monotone.
Particularly fascinating is the theory called the “Cooperative Principle.” Humans unconsciously expect that in conversation, the other person will communicate “the appropriate amount of information, in an appropriate manner, with relevance, and clearly.” When this expectation is betrayed, listeners begin to speculate, “Is there some other intention here?”
Actual experiments have shown that even with criticism of identical content, simply changing the relationship with the recipient or the situational context can make the receiver’s stress response differ by more than three times. In other words, whether “friction occurs” is almost entirely determined not by the content of the words, but by the “invisible information” that surrounds those words.
This demonstrates that human communication is not mere information transmission, but rather a complex social interaction.
Lessons for Today
What this proverb teaches modern people is that communication is a technique and a skill that can be refined. When what you want to convey doesn’t reach the other person, before changing the content, first try reviewing how you convey it.
Especially in relationships with important people, choosing words that empathize with the other person’s feelings is more important than brandishing logic. Even in daily conversations with family, friends, and colleagues, a little consideration can deepen relationships.
In modern society, efficiency tends to be emphasized, but in human relationships, “taking detours” is also necessary. Rather than conveying things directly, by wrapping them in a form that’s easier for the other person to accept, your true intentions will be conveyed more deeply. Think of words as gifts to the other person, and try to wrap them carefully. Surely the human relationships around you will become warmer and richer.
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