How to Read “兄弟は他人の始まり”
Kyōdai wa tanin no hajimari
Meaning of “兄弟は他人の始まり”
This proverb means that even blood-related brothers, as they grow up and become independent, walking their own paths in life, gradually become distant from each other and eventually develop relationships similar to strangers.
Even brothers who grew up under the same roof in their childhood, receiving love from the same parents, naturally have fewer opportunities to interact once they become adults, get married, and build their own families. Furthermore, when differences arise in work and living environments, relationships with spouses, and economic situations, they have fewer common topics to discuss, and differences in values also emerge.
This proverb objectively expresses such natural changes in human relationships. It doesn’t deny the bonds between brothers at all, but rather contains the realistic lesson that “even with blood relations, effort is required to maintain relationships.” It’s often used with a sense of resignation, meaning “it can’t be helped,” when relationships deteriorate due to troubles between relatives or inheritance issues.
Origin and Etymology
Regarding the origin of “Brothers are beginning of strangers,” no clear documentary evidence has actually been found. However, it’s believed that the background from which this proverb emerged has deep connections with Japan’s traditional family system.
From the Edo period to the Meiji period, Japan had established a family succession system. It was common for the eldest son to inherit the family, while second sons and younger sons would establish branch families or be adopted into other families. Under this system, even brothers would belong to different households after reaching adulthood and lead independent lives.
Particularly in the samurai class, there was a strong culture of valuing family name, and even brothers, if they belonged to different families, could sometimes become adversaries. In merchant families too, it wasn’t uncommon for brothers to engage in competing businesses through noren-wake (business spin-offs).
From such social backgrounds, it’s presumed that a proverb emerged expressing the reality that “even blood-related brothers, if they each walk independent lives, will eventually become distant due to differences in interests and positions.” It likely contains the Japanese outlook on life that cherishes family bonds while calmly observing realistic changes in human relationships.
Usage Examples
- Since my elder brother is the heir and I established a branch family, “Brothers are beginning of strangers” is truly well said
- Those brothers used to get along so well, but now they don’t even exchange New Year’s cards – “Brothers are beginning of strangers” indeed
Modern Interpretation
In modern society, the meaning of this proverb has changed significantly. With the advancement of nuclear families and the decrease in the number of siblings, the values regarding blood relationships themselves have been changing.
On the other hand, with the development of SNS and digital technology, it has become easy to stay in touch even when physically separated. Many families maintain daily communication between siblings through LINE and Facebook, making “becoming distant” less common than it used to be.
However, problems unique to modern times have also emerged. Cases where siblings clash over issues like caring for aging parents and inheritance are increasing. Particularly, spouses’ opinions strongly influence these situations, and “in-law sibling problems” rather than “mother-in-law problems” can become serious.
Moreover, modern times have seen a stronger tendency to value “selective human relationships.” The idea that there’s no need to forcibly maintain relationships just because of blood relations has spread, and more people are actively accepting “Brothers are beginning of strangers.”
On the other hand, some people mistakenly use this proverb to mean “brothers are like strangers from the beginning.” Originally, this proverb expresses change – “becoming distant over time” – but interpreting it as “strangers from the beginning” is clearly wrong. The spread of such misuse could pose the danger of promoting a tendency to undervalue family bonds.
When AI Hears This
According to attachment theory, human babies form strong bonds with specific individuals (primarily their mothers) for survival. However, what’s fascinating is that siblings born from the same parents don’t necessarily maintain strong bonds as they grow up.
Research in evolutionary psychology shows that “kin selection” operates between siblings—an instinct to help blood relatives in order to preserve one’s own genes. Yet in reality, it’s not uncommon for siblings to become distant after reaching adulthood.
The key to this phenomenon lies in “selective attachment.” Unlike other animals, humans have evolved the ability to choose bonds with people who share their values and interests, transcending biological kinship. For example, relationships with childhood friends or close companions can become deeper than those with actual siblings.
In fact, Harvard University’s long-term research has shown that adult happiness depends not on the closeness of blood relationships, but on the quality of the relationships we choose.
In other words, siblings becoming “the beginning of strangers” is evidence that humans have been freed from the biological constraints of kinship and have acquired the ability to freely build social relationships. It was precisely this ability that enabled humanity to achieve cooperation beyond tribal boundaries and the development of civilization. The transformation of sibling relationships actually tells the story of an important feature of human evolution.
Lessons for Today
What this proverb teaches us modern people is the obvious yet easily forgotten truth that “human relationships change.” It shows the importance of accepting that relationships change over time, even when there are strong bonds like blood relations.
What’s important is not to view this change pessimistically, but to understand it as a natural process of growth. Brothers walking their own independent lives is also evidence of healthy development. Becoming independent from parents and siblings, and building one’s own authentic life – that’s not a bad thing at all.
In modern society, family forms have also diversified. This proverb also teaches us the importance of not relying too heavily on blood relations, but building human relationships through our own strength. Rather than being spoiled because we’re siblings or family, we need to respect each other as individual human beings and make efforts to maintain relationships.
At the same time, it also shows that if relationships with siblings become distant, there’s no need to be excessively sad about it. Life has such periods. But when truly important times come, blood bonds may demonstrate their power again. Not fearing change, yet cherishing bonds – we want to develop such a sense of balance.
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