How to Read “When you’re in trouble, bring out your parents”
Kurushii toki ni wa oya wo dase
Meaning of “When you’re in trouble, bring out your parents”
“When you’re in trouble, bring out your parents” means you should rely on your parents’ authority and help when facing difficult situations.
This proverb applies when you face problems too difficult to solve alone. For example, it’s used in financial troubles, serious conflicts in relationships, or negotiations requiring social credibility.
Young people or those in weak positions find themselves in tight spots in these situations. Parents possess social credibility, life experience, and most importantly, a sense of responsibility to protect their children.
By borrowing their power, the situation is more likely to improve.
Modern society emphasizes individual independence. However, this proverb doesn’t encourage dependence. Rather, it teaches the importance of asking for help when truly needed, without being stubborn.
Parents are their children’s strongest allies. Seeking their help isn’t shameful but a wise decision. This is the thinking embedded in this saying.
Origin and Etymology
The exact first appearance of this proverb in literature is unclear. However, it’s believed to be deeply connected to Japan’s traditional family system.
From the Edo period through the Meiji era, patriarchy was firmly rooted in Japanese society. Parents, especially fathers, held great authority both socially and legally as representatives of the household.
Even in business transactions and dispute resolutions, talks proceeded more smoothly when parents or family heads appeared rather than young people negotiating alone.
The expression “bring out your parents” contains two meanings. One is literally having your parents appear and borrowing their authority and experience.
The other is “mentioning your parents’ name,” meaning invoking their prestige as backing. In that era’s society, which family you belonged to and what kind of person your parent was greatly influenced your credibility and position.
This proverb represents wisdom born in a social structure centered on households, before individualism developed. It reflects the values of an era when borrowing family strength was natural when facing difficulties, rather than carrying burdens alone.
Usage Examples
- If you’re stuck in your job search, they say “When you’re in trouble, bring out your parents,” so why not rely on your father’s connections?
- The other party took a tough stance in a contract dispute, so following the spirit of “When you’re in trouble, bring out your parents,” I decided to have my father attend the meeting
Universal Wisdom
The proverb “When you’re in trouble, bring out your parents” contains the essence of trust and authority in human society. Why is bringing out your parents effective?
It’s because parents hold social meaning beyond mere blood relations.
Everyone faces walls they cannot overcome alone. At such times, we need to remember we’re not isolated. From the moment a child is born, parents have played a role like guarantors for that child.
Society also evaluates people through their parents’ presence. This isn’t unreasonable but a trust system humans have built throughout long history.
What this proverb teaches is the truth that seeking help in difficult times isn’t weakness. Rather, being able to ask for appropriate help at the right time is the wisdom to survive life.
By borrowing the power of parents, the existence with the strongest bonds, you can reach solutions unattainable individually. This is an unchanging truth across time, as long as humans are social creatures.
Our ancestors knew this. They understood that life has times to fight alone and times to call for allies. And they knew parents should always be there as the last fortress.
When AI Hears This
The act of bringing out parents actually becomes an advanced strategy that moves the other party by removing your own negotiating power. In game theory, this is called a “commitment device.”
For example, in negotiations, saying “I can’t decide alone. I need my parents’ permission” seems like a weak position. But actually, the other party understands that persuading you individually is meaningless.
In other words, by reducing your possibility of concession to zero, you make the other party think “I have no choice but to offer conditions that can convince the parents.”
This is the same mechanism as central bank independence. When a government declares “We’ve left monetary policy to the central bank. We won’t interfere,” markets trust that “there’s no worry of inflation from political pressure.”
By reducing your own options, credibility actually increases.
What’s interesting is that how parents actually judge doesn’t matter. What’s important is the very fact that “a third party exists who cannot be revoked by yourself.”
This makes the other party change their calculation to “pressuring this person for concessions is useless.” Bringing out parents when in trouble is a paradoxical tactic of gaining credibility in negotiations—the believability of “truly cannot concede”—by restricting your own freedom.
Lessons for Today
What this proverb teaches us today is about wise choices when facing difficulties. Modern society emphasizes self-reliance and independence so much that more people hesitate to ask for help.
However, being able to seek appropriate help when truly struggling isn’t a lack of independence. Rather, it’s a sign of mature judgment.
Parents want to help you more than you think. As life seniors, they may have already experienced many of the difficulties you face. Borrowing their wisdom, connections, and social credibility is never shameful.
However, the essence of this proverb isn’t “rely on parents for everything.” Walk on your own power normally, and ask for help only when truly necessary. This sense of balance is what matters.
Parental help is temporary scaffolding for your growth, not a permanent source of dependence.
We who live in modern times should learn “the value of connections” from this proverb. Having the courage to borrow the power of trustworthy people without carrying everything alone.
That is the most reliable way to overcome difficulties.
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