How to Read “A parent’s heart pulled by their child”
Ko ni hikaruru oyagokoro
Meaning of “A parent’s heart pulled by their child”
“A parent’s heart pulled by their child” means that parents lose their ability to judge situations calmly because they are dragged along by their feelings for their children.
Because parents love their children, they sometimes make choices that are clearly wrong from an objective viewpoint. They may overlook their children’s faults or problem behaviors.
This proverb points out that parental love tends to become blind. It is used when parents spoil their children too much, refuse to acknowledge their children’s mistakes, or push themselves too hard for their children’s sake.
The reason for using this expression is not simply to criticize parents’ actions. It acknowledges the deep love behind their behavior while warning that they should not lose their composure.
Even today, parents often become too emotional to make appropriate judgments during their children’s entrance exams, job hunting, or marriage decisions.
This proverb teaches us about a pitfall that people fall into precisely because they are loving.
Origin and Etymology
No clear written records remain about the origin of this proverb. However, we can make interesting observations from the structure of the phrase.
Let’s focus on the expression “hikaruru” (pulled). This is the passive form of “hiku” (to pull). It describes a state of being pulled by something, not by one’s own will.
The key point is that it’s passive “being pulled” rather than active “pulling.” Parents don’t intentionally make wrong judgments. They are dragged along by the strong force of love for their children, unable to resist.
The word “oyagokoro” (parent’s heart) also carries deep meaning. It’s not just “a parent’s heart” but a single compound word referring to the special emotion parents hold toward their children.
This emotion has been recognized since ancient times as having a strength that transcends reason and logic, almost instinctive in nature.
During the Edo period, there were likely many situations where parents made clearly inappropriate judgments because they cared too much for their children.
Parents would turn a blind eye to their children’s misconduct, overestimate their children’s talents, or take on unreasonable debts for their children’s sake.
The phenomenon of parental love causing loss of composure has existed throughout all eras. This short phrase accurately captures this universal aspect of human nature.
Usage Examples
- Seeing the company president refuse to acknowledge his son’s misconduct, employees worry that even though it’s “a parent’s heart pulled by their child,” it’s not good for the company
- Despite obvious problems with her daughter’s marriage partner, she agreed due to “a parent’s heart pulled by their child” and later regretted it
Universal Wisdom
The universal truth shown by “A parent’s heart pulled by their child” is a fundamental human contradiction. The depth of love and the accuracy of judgment don’t necessarily go hand in hand.
A parent’s love for their child is probably one of the purest and strongest emotions humans possess. However, because of that purity, love sometimes clouds the eyes of reason.
This applies not only to parents but to all people who deeply love someone. Viewing what you love objectively is actually very difficult.
This is why this proverb has been passed down for so long. Everyone tends to lose composure about things they care deeply about.
Recognizing this fact is the first step toward actions that truly benefit the other person.
What’s interesting is that this proverb doesn’t condemn parents. Rather, it acknowledges the depth of parental love while pointing out its danger.
Because love is deep, judgment becomes flawed. It teaches that we must understand this human weakness and therefore make conscious efforts to maintain composure.
Our ancestors saw through this paradox. Those with the deepest love have the potential to make the greatest mistakes.
This proverb continues to convey the wisdom that if you truly love someone, you sometimes need to step back from your emotions and maintain an objective perspective.
When AI Hears This
In companies, managers should control employees, but they often get pushed around by employees’ circumstances instead. This is called the “principal-agent problem,” and the same structure lurks in parent-child relationships.
Normally, parents are the principal (client) who holds the initiative in raising children. Children should be the agent following their instructions.
However, parents have a strong objective function: “prioritize the child’s happiness above all.” Meanwhile, children monopolize information about what they want and what makes them uncomfortable.
Through actions like crying, laughing, or throwing tantrums, children can selectively disclose this information to parents.
Here a decisive reversal occurs. Parents can’t fully know their child’s true state, so they must judge based on the child’s reactions. Information asymmetry emerges.
Moreover, parents have an extremely strong constraint: “don’t want to make the child unhappy.” The cost of refusing the child’s demands becomes abnormally high.
As a result, the original power structure reverses. Children can manipulate parents’ decision-making through their behavior. Parents become unable to make rational judgments.
This phenomenon becomes more pronounced the deeper the love. Mathematically, it’s identical to the structure where managers become dependent on excellent employees.
Emotions create information gaps and rewrite where power lies.
Lessons for Today
This proverb teaches modern people the importance of balancing deep affection with wisdom. If you deeply love someone, first recognize that you might make wrong judgments because of that love.
In modern society, this lesson applies beyond parent-child relationships. Bosses who favor subordinates, teachers who care for students, lovers who cherish their partners.
Precisely because deep affection and trust exist, you sometimes need to step back and view the situation calmly.
Specifically, before making important decisions, ask for opinions from trusted third parties. The perspective of someone without your emotional involvement will reflect the situation with surprising clarity.
Also, ask yourself: “If this were someone else’s child, would I make the same decision?”
If you truly care about someone, you need the courage to face harsh realities sometimes. That’s not coldness but an expression of deeper love.
For the people you love to truly grow and become happy, value the balance between emotion and reason. Because you are loving, you can make use of this wisdom.
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