How to Read “孝行のしたい時分に親はなし”
Koukou no shitai jibun ni oya wa nashi
Meaning of “孝行のしたい時分に親はなし”
This proverb expresses the irony of life where by the time one develops the mindset and financial means to show filial piety to their parents, the parents have already passed away.
When young, people are preoccupied with their own affairs and cannot fully understand their parents’ kindness and hardships. However, as they age, gain life experience, and achieve financial stability, their feelings of gratitude toward their parents finally deepen, and their desire to do something for them grows stronger. Yet, when such feelings arise, the sad reality is that their parents are no longer in this world – this is what this expression laments.
This proverb is mainly used by middle-aged and older people when reminiscing about their deceased parents. It is also used as a lesson to encourage those whose parents are still alive to show filial piety while they can. Rather than being merely an expression of regret, it can be said to be a profound saying that contains life’s truth, pointing out the essential temporal gap in parent-child relationships. Because it expresses universal emotions that many people can relate to even today, it continues to be passed down across generations.
Origin and Etymology
The origin of this proverb is believed to have been established as a didactic expression that arose among common people during the Edo period. In Japanese society at that time, filial piety toward parents was considered the most important moral virtue due to Confucian influence.
Particularly noteworthy is the use of the archaic word “jibun” (time). While it tends to be understood in modern times as meaning “period” or “time,” the “jibun” of the Edo period strongly contained the nuance of “a stage in one’s life” or “one’s circumstances.” In other words, it referred to the time when one had reached a situation where they could repay their parents both financially and spiritually.
The background to this proverb’s spread lies in the harsh living conditions of the Edo period. Many people were poor, and in their youth, they were fully occupied with their own survival. By the time their lives finally stabilized and they could provide comfort to their parents, it was not uncommon for their parents to have already passed away.
The short average lifespan of that era was also a factor. Unlike today’s longevity society, there were many cases where children lost their parents before becoming fully independent, and this expression deeply resonated with people’s hearts as words that described such situations. In literature, this expression began to appear in moral instruction books and works depicting the lives of common people during the late Edo period.
Usage Examples
- After my father passed away, I keenly feel that “When filial piety wants to be done time parents are not” describes exactly my situation
- Just when I finally achieved financial stability, “When filial piety wants to be done time parents are not” – I should have realized this sooner
Modern Interpretation
In modern society, the meaning of this proverb takes on more complex aspects. Due to advances in medical technology, average lifespan has greatly extended, and the time parents and children spend together has become incomparably longer than in the Edo period. However, this proverb continues to resonate with many people’s hearts because of circumstances unique to modern times.
Due to nuclear families and population concentration in urban areas, more people live apart from their parents. Physical distance often creates psychological distance as well. Moreover, in today’s competitive society, people tend to postpone time with their parents while being caught up in career development and child-rearing. While we have become economically richer, a new problem has emerged: lack of time.
Furthermore, with the spread of SNS and digital technology, while superficial communication has increased, opportunities for deep dialogue have decreased in some cases. People may be satisfied with “likes” and message exchanges, and without making time to actually meet and talk, they suddenly realize their parents have become elderly – such situations are not uncommon.
On the other hand, modern times have also brought new challenges in the form of elderly care issues. Due to our longevity society, while opportunities to show filial piety while parents are healthy have increased, once care becomes necessary, complex emotions different from pure filial piety may arise. Thus, this proverb in modern times has come to hold deeper meaning that makes us think more profoundly about how we use our time and set our priorities.
When AI Hears This
The average lifespan in the Edo period was about 40 years, while today it’s about 84 years. Despite having more than twice the time to spend with our parents, why do modern people feel the pain of “when you want to show filial piety, your parents are gone” more acutely?
The answer lies in “delayed economic independence.” In the Edo period, most people began working around age 15 and married to start families in their early twenties. This meant that before parents died at 40, children had already become full-fledged adults capable of repaying their debt of gratitude.
However, in modern times, university graduation comes at 22, followed by several years needed to gain experience after starting work, with marriage and childbirth becoming normal in one’s thirties. Economic stability doesn’t come until after entering one’s forties. At this point, parents are already in their late seventies—an age when they may need care or be developing dementia.
Furthermore, nuclear families make it easy to miss changes in parents’ health. When we think “I’ll start being a good child to my parents next year,” we face the reality that they no longer have the physical strength to enjoy travel.
The modern “timing gap problem” stems from the delay in “the age at which one gains the economic power to show filial piety” being greater than the extension of lifespan. Here lies the ironic reality that despite living longer than in the Edo period, we’ve actually become more likely to miss our chance to show filial piety.
Lessons for Today
What this proverb teaches modern people is the obvious but easily forgotten truth that time with important people is limited. We tend to assume that our parents will always be there for us.
In modern society, we often postpone time with important people, using busyness as an excuse. However, this proverb quietly teaches us the importance of “now.” There’s no need to aim for perfect filial piety. Small acts of consideration, trivial conversations, and casual time spent together may actually be the most valuable gifts.
Also, while this proverb is an expression of regret, it is simultaneously a message of hope. For those who have lost their parents, they can continue the chain of love by passing on those feelings to the next generation. By directing the love they received toward their own children and people around them, they can give form to their gratitude toward their parents.
What’s important is not waiting for the perfect timing, but starting with what we can do today. For those whose parents are still alive, start today; for those whose parents are not, start by passing on the love you inherited to the next generation. By doing so, we can transform the poignancy of this proverb into warm action.
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