How to Read “Celebrate one side and earn the other’s resentment”
Kanata wo iwae ba konata no urami
Meaning of “Celebrate one side and earn the other’s resentment”
“Celebrate one side and earn the other’s resentment” means that when you support or favor one person or position, you will inevitably earn resentment or dissatisfaction from the other side.
This proverb is used in situations where interests conflict between multiple people or groups.
An action meant to please someone ends up displeasing someone else. It describes being caught in the middle of such difficult situations.
For example, it describes the challenges faced by people who must allocate limited budgets, time, or opportunities.
No matter which choice you make, it won’t be a complete solution. There will always be a side that feels dissatisfied.
This phrase captures the difficulty of human relationships in a simple way.
Even today, anyone who serves as an organizational leader or mediator will understand the weight of these words.
The difficulty of satisfying everyone is real. The more you try to be fair, the more you betray someone’s expectations.
This dilemma is a reality of human society that hasn’t changed from past to present.
Origin and Etymology
The exact source of this proverb is unclear, but we can make interesting observations from its structure.
The combination of the contrasting words “kanata” (over there) and “konata” (over here) is striking.
“Kanata” refers to a distant place or person, while “konata” refers to a nearby place or person.
The joyful act of “celebrating” is contrasted with the negative emotion of “resentment.” This structure expresses the universal problem of conflicting interests in human relationships.
In Edo period commoner society, people constantly faced decisions about choosing someone and not choosing someone else over limited resources and opportunities.
If a merchant favored one business partner, complaints came from the other. If a village leader supported one family, resentment came from another.
Such situations were likely everyday occurrences.
This proverb is thought to express this unavoidable dilemma of human society through a concise parallel structure.
By using the word “celebrate,” it highlights the ironic reality that even well-intentioned acts can earn someone’s resentment.
Usage Examples
- The department head increased the sales department’s budget, but it was a case of celebrate one side and earn the other’s resentment as complaints erupted from the development department
- I want to invite both friend groups to my wedding, but deciding the seating arrangement will likely be celebrate one side and earn the other’s resentment
Universal Wisdom
The proverb “Celebrate one side and earn the other’s resentment” points to a fundamental contradiction in human society.
It reveals the harsh reality that even well-intentioned acts cannot satisfy everyone at the same time.
Why was this proverb created and passed down through generations? It’s because humans are social creatures who constantly live in relationships with others.
We cannot live alone. But when multiple people are involved, conflicts of interest inevitably arise.
What’s interesting is that this proverb uses the positive word “celebrate.”
You’re not trying to hurt anyone. In fact, you’re trying to make someone happy.
Yet as a result, you earn someone else’s resentment. This ironic structure reveals the essential difficulty of human relationships.
Our ancestors saw through this unavoidable dilemma. They understood the cold truth that perfect fairness doesn’t exist.
When you choose someone, someone else isn’t chosen.
But this proverb contains not resignation, but rather the courage to face reality.
Knowing that ideal solutions don’t exist, you still must make decisions. This short phrase brilliantly expresses this human destiny.
When AI Hears This
What’s interesting about this proverb is that humans unconsciously perceive the act of “celebrating someone” as a zero-sum game.
A zero-sum game is a situation where if someone gains, someone else must lose. But in reality, the act of celebration isn’t a game of competing for resources.
Here lies the trap of cognitive bias. Through evolution, the human brain adapted to competitive environments involving limited resources like food and mates.
So even when “someone receives attention,” we feel as if we’re competing for a limited pie.
For example, when your boss praises a colleague, your own evaluation hasn’t actually decreased. Yet you feel you’ve lost relatively.
Social comparison theory calls this “relative deprivation.”
Even more interesting is that this illusion becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
When people believe “celebrate and be resented” and act accordingly, situations that were originally non-zero-sum actually become zero-sum games.
By withholding celebration or pretending equality, suspicion grows instead. Real resentment actually emerges.
This proverb isn’t speaking the truth about human relationships. Rather, it reflects an illusion created by the human cognitive system.
By believing in this illusion, we create conflict ourselves.
Lessons for Today
What this proverb teaches modern people is the importance of not seeking perfect solutions too much.
When you serve as a leader or mediator, trying to satisfy everyone is wonderful.
But knowing that it’s sometimes impossible also protects you. You can avoid postponing decisions out of fear of being resented.
You can avoid trying to please everyone and ending up trusted by no one.
What matters is having the courage to pursue fairness while accepting that perfect fairness doesn’t exist.
Carefully explain the reasons for your decisions. Show consideration for the feelings of those not chosen.
You can’t completely eliminate resentment, but you can make efforts to gain understanding.
This proverb also teaches how to think when you’re in the position of “this side.”
Just because someone else was favored doesn’t necessarily mean there’s ill will toward you.
People who can imagine the difficulty of others’ positions can build more mature human relationships.
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