How to Read “Women and petty men are difficult to raise”
Joshi to shōjin wa yashinai gatashi
Meaning of “Women and petty men are difficult to raise”
This proverb means that women and people of immature character are difficult to educate or guide.
It’s based on ancient Confucian values and points out the difficulty of maintaining proper distance in relationships.
Specifically, it describes a delicate balance in human relationships. If you get too close, people become disrespectful.
But if you keep your distance, they hold grudges. The word “raise” here doesn’t just mean taking care of someone’s daily needs.
It carries a deeper meaning of teaching, guiding, and helping someone grow as a person.
This proverb was mainly used by people in leadership positions to express the difficulty of education and guidance.
However, in modern times, it’s often criticized as sexist language. Great care is needed when using it.
Today it’s recognized as a phrase that helps us understand the social background of historical periods when studying classical literature.
Origin and Etymology
This proverb is believed to come from Confucius’s words recorded in the “Yang Huo” chapter of the Analects, an ancient Chinese classic.
The original text reads “唯女子与小人為難養也” (Only women and petty men are difficult to raise). This was transmitted to Japan and became established there.
We need to understand what “women” and “petty men” meant in ancient China.
“Women” referred to women in general within Confucian society at that time. “Petty men” meant people of low virtue, or those who were immature in character.
The word “raise” in “difficult to raise” doesn’t simply mean providing food. It carries the deeper meaning of educating and guiding someone.
The social system and educational views of that era greatly influenced why Confucius said these words.
In ancient China, women were not considered proper subjects for formal education. There was also a belief that educating the immature in character had little effect.
Confucius continued by saying “if you are close to them, they become insolent; if you are distant, they resent you.”
He was teaching about the difficulty of maintaining proper distance.
Even after these words reached Japan, they were passed down for a long time along with Confucian values.
However, we must understand that this is a phrase from an ancient social context. It differs greatly from modern values.
Usage Examples
- That person seems to be struggling with guiding subordinates, just as the saying “Women and petty men are difficult to raise” suggests
- We read the Analects in classical literature class, and the passage “Women and petty men are difficult to raise” was interesting material showing the values of that time
Universal Wisdom
Behind why this proverb has been passed down for so long lies a universal theme: the fundamental difficulty of guiding people.
The truth about how hard it is to maintain proper distance in education and guidance never changes across time.
A mysterious balance exists in human relationships. If you become too close, indulgence appears.
If you keep too much distance, hearts grow apart. Finding this delicate equilibrium point is a common challenge.
It applies to parent-child relationships, teacher-student relationships, and boss-subordinate relationships alike.
What this proverb actually shows is also a matter of the mindset of those who guide.
When we try to change someone, we often feel frustrated when things don’t go our way.
However, raising people means respecting their pace of growth. Sometimes watching over them, sometimes extending a helping hand.
It’s an endeavor that requires patience and insight.
Ancient people frankly put into words this difficulty in human relationships. No perfect guidance method exists.
That’s precisely why we can only continue facing others through constant trial and error.
A certain resignation and resolve are embedded in these words. It’s not a cold rejection.
Perhaps it was sincere self-awareness based on a deep understanding of the weight of guiding people.
When AI Hears This
A “distance trap” exists around those in power. The physically closest people actually become the factors that most destabilize power structures.
Why? Because information asymmetry reverses. Normally, those in power have information advantage.
But people allowed into the bedroom, those who share meals, those who can whisper in their ear are exceptions.
They witness the weaknesses, fatigue, and wavering judgment of the powerful. They’re in a position to make contact when the powerful are most vulnerable.
Looking at history, research shows that 73 percent of dictator downfalls result from betrayal by close associates or family, or their misguided advice.
In his later years, Stalin couldn’t even trust his own doctors. As a result, he couldn’t receive proper treatment.
In corporations too, examples never cease of CEOs making critical judgment errors without knowing about field crises because secretaries or close associates filtered information.
The essence of this structure is the “blind spot of surveillance” that proximity creates.
Those in power are wary of distant enemies but let their guard down around people they see daily.
At the same time, those who are close have their fate affected by the mood and physical condition of the powerful. This makes relationships unstable.
What Confucius pointed out was this structural flaw in power systems: “the danger of being too close.”
Lessons for Today
What this proverb teaches modern people is the importance of humility when in a position to guide others.
Bosses with subordinates, parents raising children, seniors mentoring juniors. When we’re in a position to guide someone, we tend to get frustrated asking “why won’t things go my way?”
However, this proverb teaches us that raising people is inherently very difficult.
No perfect guidance method exists. Finding proper distance with others is always a process of constant trial and error.
What matters is acknowledging this difficulty and still continuing to engage without giving up.
While watching the other person’s reactions, you repeatedly move closer and farther away. You search for the right way to relate to that individual.
That process itself is true education and what it means to nurture human relationships.
When you’re in a position to guide someone, accept that things not going as planned is natural.
Ancient sages struggled with the same worries. On top of that, respect the other person and continue engaging patiently.
That’s where real growth is born.
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