How to Read “One cannot see the flaws in one’s own child”
jibun no ko ni wa mekuchi ga akanu
Meaning of “One cannot see the flaws in one’s own child”
This proverb means that parents become blind to their own children’s faults and mistakes. Even people who can usually judge situations calmly and fairly lose their objectivity when it comes to their own kids.
They turn a blind eye to their children’s bad behavior.
When other people’s children do something wrong, parents can see the problem clearly. But when their own child does the same thing, they make excuses like “they’re just a kid” or “they didn’t mean any harm.”
Even when others point out issues, these parents struggle to accept the criticism. This proverb describes exactly these kinds of situations.
This happens because parental love runs so deep. However, it’s not always good for the child’s growth and development.
Even today, we use this saying when problems arise at school or in the community. It describes parents who refuse to acknowledge their child’s wrongdoing and instead blame others.
The proverb captures the difficult balance between love and objectivity in just a few words.
Origin and Etymology
No clear written records document the exact origin of this proverb. However, we can make interesting observations from how the phrase is constructed.
The expression “mekuchi ga akanu” literally means “eyes and mouth won’t open.” This doesn’t refer to a physical inability to open your eyes or mouth.
Instead, it’s a metaphor for a parent’s psychological state. It suggests that parents lose both the eyes to see their child’s faults and the mouth to point them out.
The phrase cleverly uses physical imagery to express an emotional truth.
Japan has long had another saying, “oya no yokume,” which means parents see their children as better than they really are. This tendency has been widely recognized throughout Japanese history.
This proverb likely emerged from observing this universal aspect of parent-child relationships.
During the Edo period, common people passed down various child-rearing lessons through oral tradition. This proverb was probably one such piece of practical wisdom.
Parents likely used it to warn each other about their blind spots. People can easily see flaws in other people’s children, but suddenly become blind when it comes to their own.
The memorable phrase “eyes and mouth won’t open” captures this parental tendency perfectly.
Usage Examples
- My mother demonstrates that one cannot see the flaws in one’s own child—no matter how much trouble my brother causes, she always defends him
- They say one cannot see the flaws in one’s own child, but if you don’t try to be objective, it won’t help your kid in the long run
Universal Wisdom
The proverb “One cannot see the flaws in one’s own child” touches on a fundamental human contradiction between love and objectivity.
The more deeply we love someone, the harder it becomes to see them objectively. The parent-child relationship is especially challenging because children feel like extensions of ourselves.
A child’s failure feels like our own failure. Our instinct to protect our children overpowers our reason. This is actually a survival strategy humans developed through evolution to protect their offspring.
Yet this proverb has been passed down through generations for a reason. Our ancestors learned through experience that blind love can sometimes hinder a child’s growth.
True love doesn’t mean just being lenient. Sometimes it includes being strict and facing hard truths.
What’s interesting is that this proverb serves as a warning to parents themselves. It’s not meant for others to say “you’re being blind.”
Instead, it’s a tool for parents to ask themselves, “Am I losing my ability to see clearly?” The difficulty of staying objective toward those we love is a challenge that goes beyond parent-child relationships.
It applies to all human connections. This proverb teaches us both the depth of love and its dangers.
When AI Hears This
Parents become blind to their children’s flaws because the brain intentionally distorts information processing. This is a cognitive system acquired through evolution to ensure survival.
Human child-rearing requires enormous investment. Parents must provide food and protection for roughly 20 years.
If parents accurately perceived all their child’s flaws, they might question whether the child is worth the investment. They might even abandon their parenting duties.
So the brain automatically applies a filter that overestimates the child’s good qualities and underestimates the bad ones. This is known as positivity bias in cognitive psychology.
Interestingly, there’s an optimal strength for this bias. If the bias is too strong, parents overlook problem behaviors that truly need correction.
The child may grow into an adult who can’t adapt to society. If the bias is too weak, parents might give up on their child over minor failures.
Research shows that children raised by parents who moderately recognize flaws while maintaining an overall positive view develop most healthily.
In other words, parental love isn’t completely blind. It’s a cognitive system calibrated to maximize the child’s survival probability.
This proverb captures moments when that calibration function works a bit too strongly.
Lessons for Today
This proverb teaches us the importance of balancing love and objectivity. Loving your child and ignoring their flaws are not the same thing.
In modern society, more parents refuse to acknowledge their children’s problem behaviors and end up in conflict with schools and communities.
But if you truly care about your child, you need the courage to face harsh realities sometimes. Recognizing your child’s flaws doesn’t mean rejecting your child.
It’s the first step toward helping them grow.
This proverb offers wisdom that applies beyond parenting to all human relationships. We all tend to lose our ability to see clearly when it comes to romantic partners, friends, or employees we care about.
That’s why we need to consciously step back and gain perspective.
If you’re a parent, pause occasionally and ask yourself: “Am I seeing my child objectively?” Have the humility to listen to feedback from others.
That’s what it means to truly love your child and support their growth.
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