How to Read “When the family is poor and parents grow old, one serves without choosing a stipend”
Ie mazushikushite oya oiyureba roku o erabazushite tsukau
Meaning of “When the family is poor and parents grow old, one serves without choosing a stipend”
This proverb teaches that when your family is poor and your parents are old, you should take any job to support them. You shouldn’t be picky about what work you do.
The saying assumes a desperate situation. There’s no room to worry about your ideals, your reputation, or good working conditions.
It shows a value system where your moral duty to care for parents comes before your personal hopes or ambitions.
People use this saying when young people can’t decide on a career. They also use it when someone is thinking about changing jobs for better conditions. It helps them face reality.
Today, people also use it to show understanding for those who must change their career plans. This happens when they need to care for aging parents or support their family.
It’s practical life advice. It teaches the importance of fulfilling your responsibility to family, even in harsh circumstances.
Origin and Etymology
This proverb likely comes from ancient Chinese classics. The strongest theory is that it was influenced by Confucian thought, especially teachings that value filial piety.
Look at how the phrase is structured. The first half sets up the situation: “when the family is poor and parents grow old.” The second half gives the action: “one serves without choosing a stipend.”
These two parts form a parallel structure. This style shows strong influence from classical Chinese writing. The proverb probably spread as a moral lesson when Confucian thought came to Japan.
“Roku” means stipend or salary. “Erabazu” means not choosing. So the teaching is that you should serve without being picky about how much you’re paid.
During the Edo period, the samurai class especially valued caring for parents and continuing the family line above all else.
In that historical context, this proverb was passed down as a warning to young people. It also served as a guide for living.
When parents grow old and can’t work, and the household struggles financially, what should a child prioritize? This saying has been deeply rooted in Japanese society as a clear answer to that question.
Usage Examples
- My parents’ medical bills are piling up, so as they say, when the family is poor and parents grow old, one serves without choosing a stipend. I’ll stop being picky and find a job quickly.
- It’s fine to keep searching for your ideal job, but there’s a saying: when the family is poor and parents grow old, one serves without choosing a stipend. You also need to look at reality.
Universal Wisdom
Behind this proverb lies a fundamental dilemma that humans face. It’s the inner conflict between two values: your own dreams and ideals versus your responsibility to family.
Everyone wants to live a life true to themselves. A fulfilling job, a respected profession, good pay. It’s natural to have these hopes.
But at the same time, we were all born as someone’s child. We were raised, cared for, and loved. The desire to repay that debt is also an essential human emotion.
This proverb offers one answer to the question of what to choose between ideal and reality. It may not be an answer everyone accepts.
But at least our ancestors believed that in desperate situations, protecting the family in front of you should come first.
This teaching survives today because love and responsibility toward family never disappear from the human heart, no matter how times change.
The wish to value both your own life and your family’s happiness is an unchanging human reality across all times and places.
When AI Hears This
When you have many choices versus few choices, your decision to accept the same conditions changes 180 degrees. Game theory calls this “reservation price fluctuation.”
For example, consider a student with job offers from 10 companies versus one with only one option near graduation. The second student will accept the same salary with much higher probability.
This proverb shows exactly this phenomenon: “loss of negotiating power through reduced options.”
What’s interesting is that time becomes a factor here. The irreversible passage of parents aging creates a “deadline effect” in negotiation.
The other side—in this case, the employer—knows you lack time. Information asymmetry emerges. The employer knows “this person can’t refuse,” but the job seeker can’t hide it.
As a result, what should be an equal employment contract gets established under one-sided unfavorable conditions.
Even more noteworthy is how this situation worsens in a self-reinforcing way. Once you start working under unfavorable conditions, you have even less opportunity to search for something better.
Poverty and time constraints interact, and your freedom of choice keeps shrinking. Game theory calls this the “poverty trap”—an equilibrium state that’s hard to escape once you enter it.
This proverb has apparently understood this structural problem for over a thousand years.
Lessons for Today
This proverb teaches us that life has times for chasing ideals and times for facing reality.
If you’re pursuing your dreams now, that’s wonderful. But at the same time, please pay attention to the situation of those who support you.
When your family faces difficulties, when they need your strength, that might be a moment to stop and think.
What’s important is not seeing this only as sacrifice or endurance. Choosing to work for your family deepens you as a person. It develops your sense of responsibility and empathy.
This will become a great asset for you in the future, whatever path you walk.
Also, not being able to walk your ideal path right now doesn’t mean giving up forever. First fulfill your immediate responsibilities. When the situation improves, challenge your dreams again.
That kind of flexible life plan is perfectly fine. Life is long, after all.
Protect the people important to you while also searching for your own path. Please have that kind of flexible strength.
Comments