How to Read “Being loved is a misfortune”
horerareta ga fushō
Meaning of “Being loved is a misfortune”
“Being loved is a misfortune” describes a difficult situation. Someone you can’t develop feelings for has fallen in love with you.
This proverb suggests such situations come from karma or fate from past lives. You have no choice but to accept it.
People use this saying when they feel guilty about rejecting someone’s feelings. They also use it when constantly refusing someone becomes emotionally draining.
You can’t control your own feelings. Similarly, you can’t change how someone else feels about you. You also can’t control who falls in love with you.
The proverb captures this helpless situation. It encourages accepting these circumstances as destiny.
Even today, being loved should feel good. But sometimes it becomes a burden instead. Everyone has experienced this at some point.
This proverb represents our ancestors’ wisdom. They used the word “karma” to express these complicated relationship troubles.
Origin and Etymology
No clear written records explain the origin of this proverb. However, we can make interesting observations from how the phrase is constructed.
Let’s focus on the word “fushō.” Today, people mostly use it in “fushōji” (scandal or misconduct). But originally, it meant “something unfortunate” or “something ominous.”
“Being loved is a misfortune” expresses a seemingly contradictory situation. Being loved becomes an unfortunate thing.
Buddhist philosophy likely influenced this expression. The concept of “karma” plays an especially important role here.
The idea that unwanted relationships arise from karma in past lives runs deep in traditional Japanese worldview.
During the Edo period, common people constantly worried about romance. Some suffered because their crush didn’t notice them.
Others felt confused when someone they didn’t like fell for them. These complicated relationship problems were universal concerns.
People tried to accept such complex human relationships through concepts like destiny and karma. This proverb contains that wisdom.
Usage Examples
- Someone I don’t like confessed their feelings to me. I’m troubled, but maybe this is just “being loved is a misfortune” and there’s nothing I can do.
- That person won’t give up no matter how many times I refuse. This relationship can only be described as “being loved is a misfortune.”
Universal Wisdom
“Being loved is a misfortune” points to a fundamental truth about human relationships. It reveals the asymmetry that exists in how people feel about each other.
Love is often one-sided. Person A might love Person B, but Person B might not love Person A back. This simple fact has created countless human dramas throughout history.
The proverb shows deep insight into human nature. We cannot control our hearts through willpower alone.
We can’t choose who we fall in love with. Similarly, we can’t choose who falls in love with us. We can’t change someone else’s feelings, and we can’t force ourselves to feel differently either.
What’s interesting is how this proverb frames “misfortune” through the lens of “karma.” This isn’t simple resignation. It’s wisdom about accepting what we cannot control.
Modern people tend to think we can control everything through willpower. But in human relationships, some areas clearly exist beyond our control.
Our ancestors tried to understand this unavoidable asymmetry through stories of “karma from past lives.” This isn’t a scientific explanation.
However, it was a story that could comfort people facing impossible situations. Even being loved can sometimes become a burden.
Acknowledging this paradoxical truth might be where deep human understanding begins.
When AI Hears This
If we view romance as an information game, the loved person knows the other’s hand completely. They see how much the other person likes them and how far they’ll compromise.
Meanwhile, the person in love can’t read the other’s true feelings. This information asymmetry should normally create overwhelming advantage.
But interestingly, this advantage works in reverse. The loved person learns that “even if I refuse, they won’t leave.” So they stop making effort.
The other person’s certain affection stops their own growth. This has the same structure as “moral hazard” in economics.
Insurance makes people careless. Similarly, guaranteed love makes people stop investing in the relationship.
What’s more serious is the overestimation by the person in love. They create an image better than reality. This creates pressure to meet those expectations.
The cost of constantly performing as an idealized version of yourself is enormous. Eventually, it breaks down.
In game theory, even when one side has information advantage, problems arise. If the other side acts on irrational expectations, both parties end up losing. They reach an equilibrium where nobody wins.
As a result, the side with choices becomes unable to move. They get pushed around by the side without choices.
This reversal phenomenon is a classic example. Information advantage doesn’t always lead to benefit. In the romance market, knowing too much becomes a strategic weakness.
Lessons for Today
This proverb teaches modern people the courage to recognize limits of control in relationships. In the SNS era, we think we can control our image and manage relationships.
But in reality, who likes us and who we like exists beyond our willpower.
What’s important is freeing yourself from guilt about receiving unwanted affection. You can’t return someone’s feelings. This doesn’t mean you’re cold or that they lack value.
The chemistry in your heart simply didn’t happen. That’s just a fact. It’s nobody’s fault.
At the same time, this proverb teaches kindness toward others. Don’t try to persuade them to change their feelings. Don’t make them blame themselves.
Instead, accept that “these things happen.” This tolerance shows maturity in human relationships.
Don’t try to control every human relationship. Sometimes you need to go with the flow instead.
The peace of mind that comes from this will make you much freer.
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