How to Read “A person always despises themselves first, and then others despise them”
Hito kanarazu mizukara anadorite shikaru nochi ni hito kore wo anadoru
Meaning of “A person always despises themselves first, and then others despise them”
This proverb expresses a fundamental law of human relationships. When you treat yourself poorly and don’t recognize your own value, others will treat you the same way.
People use this saying when someone puts themselves down too much or acts in ways that show they don’t value themselves. It teaches the importance of self-respect.
The proverb also helps people who complain that others don’t respect them. It reminds them to start by respecting themselves first.
In modern times, this teaching helps us understand the difference between humility and self-deprecation. Japanese culture values modesty as a virtue.
However, excessive self-denial has the opposite effect. This proverb teaches a simple but profound truth: taking care of yourself is the first step to earning respect from others.
Origin and Etymology
This proverb likely comes from the ancient Chinese text “Mencius,” specifically from the chapter “Li Lou Part 1.” Mencius was a Confucian scholar who inherited the teachings of Confucius.
He left deep insights about human nature and morality. The original text reads “人必自侮、然後人侮之” in a concise form.
This phrase came to Japan and became established in its Japanese reading form. Mencius wrote these words during a time of chaos and war.
He likely intended to teach the importance of maintaining one’s dignity during turbulent times.
The structure of this phrase is fascinating. The strong assertion “always” combines with words showing cause and effect: “themselves first” and “then.”
This creates a clear expression of a universal law in human relationships. The sequence is explicit: first you despise yourself through your actions, and as a result, others despise you too.
In Confucian thought, self-cultivation and relationships with others are closely connected. This phrase reflects that philosophy.
It contains a deep understanding of humanity: how others treat you mirrors how you treat yourself. In Japan, this saying became widely known as a moral teaching from the Edo period onward.
Usage Examples
- She kept saying “I’m worthless anyway” about herself, and eventually people around her really started treating her that way. This is exactly what “A person always despises themselves first, and then others despise them” means
- He stopped prefacing his opinions with “This is just a boring idea, but…” and people at meetings started taking his input seriously. “A person always despises themselves first, and then others despise them” is really true
Universal Wisdom
The universal wisdom in this proverb can be called the mirror law of human relationships. Why do people who despise themselves get despised by others?
It happens through human instinctive observation and unconscious interaction.
We read far more information from someone’s attitude and behavior than from their words alone. The posture, word choice, and behavior patterns of people who treat themselves poorly send a continuous message to those around them.
That message says “you can treat me this way.” Humans tend to decide how to interact with someone based on the evaluation that person shows for themselves.
At a deeper level, a psychological mechanism of self-evaluation and other-evaluation chain reaction is at work. People who can’t believe they’re valuable unconsciously accept being treated poorly.
Sometimes they even invite such treatment themselves. This solidifies the attitudes of those around them and creates a vicious cycle.
This wisdom has been passed down through generations because it touches on the universal theme of human dignity. In any era and any culture, how you treat yourself remains a fundamental factor that determines your quality of life.
Self-respect differs from arrogance. It’s a healthy self-awareness that every human being should naturally possess.
When AI Hears This
People who despise themselves unconsciously broadcast a signal to those around them: “Please treat me lightly.” This signal isn’t just words.
It’s a collection of subtle elements like posture, eye movement, tone of voice, and response speed.
What’s interesting is how accurately the human brain reads someone’s self-evaluation when inferring “how does this person want to be treated” from their behavior. Psychologist Rosenthal’s experiments showed something remarkable.
Teachers’ expectations of students changed the students’ actual grades through unconscious attitude changes. In other words, low self-evaluation appears as behavior patterns: apologizing too much, not expressing opinions, avoiding eye contact.
When someone receives these signals, their brain forms a prediction model: “I don’t need to take this person seriously.”
Here’s the crucial part. When the other person actually acts dismissively based on that prediction, the original person becomes more convinced: “I really am worthless.”
Then the signal strengthens, and the other person’s dismissiveness amplifies. We call this cycle a “self-fulfilling prophecy.”
What’s frightening is that this chain progresses while both parties remain unaware. The person feels they’re “just accepting reality,” and the other person thinks they’re “just reacting naturally.”
But in reality, the small signal of initial self-evaluation is determining the entire relationship.
Lessons for Today
What this proverb teaches modern people is that your relationship with yourself becomes the foundation of all human relationships. Do you make self-deprecating posts on social media?
Do you repeatedly put yourself down in conversations? That might not be humility. It might be an act that sets your value low in others’ minds.
Specifically, you can start by changing how you talk to yourself. Change the habit of saying “I’m worthless anyway” to “I’m still developing.”
When you fail, think “I’ll improve this way next time” instead of “I knew I couldn’t do it.” These are small changes, but they’re the first step toward self-respect.
What’s important is not confusing self-respect with arrogance. Valuing yourself is completely different from looking down on others.
In fact, people who can respect themselves are the ones who can recognize others’ value too.
When you start treating yourself with care, the attitudes of those around you will begin to change. This isn’t magic. It’s a natural law of human relationships.
First, become your own best ally. Everything starts from there.
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