How to Read “話し上手は聞き上手”
Hanashi jouzu wa kiki jouzu
Meaning of “話し上手は聞き上手”
This proverb means “A person who is truly skilled at speaking is also skilled at listening to others.”
In other words, it teaches us that to become an excellent speaker, one must first be an excellent listener. By listening carefully to what others say, you can understand what they are seeking and how they are feeling. Only with this understanding can you speak in a way that truly resonates with their hearts.
This proverb is used when discussing communication skills or when giving advice about building human relationships. Simply talking one-sidedly about what you want to say does not make you truly “skilled at speaking.” A person who can put themselves in the other person’s shoes and speak what the other person wants to hear at the appropriate timing is a truly skilled speaker. Even today, this teaching is utilized as a very important guideline in sales, customer service, education, and other fields.
Origin and Etymology
Regarding the origin of “Speaking skilled person is listening skilled person,” no clear documentary records remain, but it is believed to have become widely used from the Edo period to the Meiji period.
The background to the birth of these words lies in Japan’s traditional communication culture. Since ancient times, Japan has valued communication that does not rely on words, such as “tacit understanding” and “reading between the lines.” Within such a culture, the importance of listening carefully to others was naturally recognized.
Particularly in the merchant world, listening carefully to customers was considered the secret to business prosperity. Edo merchants cherished the teaching that “those who listen to their customers’ voices will succeed,” and it is presumed that this became established as a proverb.
Also, in traditional Japanese cultures such as tea ceremony and flower arrangement, the attitude of humbly listening to the master’s teachings has been emphasized. Because there was such cultural soil that valued “listening,” this proverb may have taken deep root in people’s hearts. After the Meiji period, when Western rhetoric entered Japan, this proverb is thought to have attracted even more attention as words expressing Japan’s unique view of communication.
Usage Examples
- I think her success in sales is a typical example of speaking skilled person is listening skilled person
- I was taught in new employee training that speaking skilled person is listening skilled person, but putting it into practice is more difficult than I thought
Modern Interpretation
In modern society, the meaning of this proverb has gained even more depth. Now that SNS and messaging apps have become mainstream, many people are absorbed in “transmitting,” but the more truly influential people are, the more they understand the importance of listening to others’ voices.
Looking at people who have succeeded as YouTubers and influencers, those who carefully read comments and feedback and provide content that viewers are seeking receive long-term support. This can truly be called the modern version of “Speaking skilled person is listening skilled person.”
In the business world, this principle remains unchanged. Excellent sales representatives focus more on drawing out customers’ concerns and requests rather than spending time on product explanations. People who are good at presentations also grasp the needs of their audience in advance and appropriately convey information that the other party wants to know.
However, there are also challenges unique to modern times. In an age of information overload, the act of “listening” itself has become difficult. In an environment where notification sounds continue to ring, concentrating on what others are saying is more difficult than before. That’s precisely why consciously creating “time to listen” has become an essential condition for becoming a modern skilled speaker.
Even as technology advances, the essence of human-to-human communication does not change. Rather, as mechanical interactions have increased, the value of a heartfelt “listening” attitude may be increasing.
When AI Hears This
When people have someone listen to them, their brain actually releases pleasure chemicals. When the listener pays genuine attention, offers appropriate responses, or asks thoughtful questions, the speaker’s brain releases dopamine, creating satisfaction similar to eating delicious food. Furthermore, when they feel understood, the brain also secretes oxytocin, known as the “love hormone,” unconsciously building closeness and trust toward the listener.
What’s fascinating is that the brain remembers the person who provided this pleasure as a “valuable presence.” Neuroscience research reveals that talking about oneself strongly activates the brain’s reward system, and the mechanism recognizes those who provide this pleasure as “someone I want to see again.” In other words, skillful listening is an act that biologically imprints the impression “I feel good around this person” in the other person’s brain.
Meanwhile, many people who appear charismatic as speakers are actually skilled at drawing out others’ stories. They unconsciously stimulate others’ reward systems, increasing their own likability. As a result, they’re evaluated as “interesting conversationalists,” but in reality, they excel at the technique of making others feel good while talking. This proverb captured a neuroscientific truth about human relationships.
Lessons for Today
What this proverb teaches us modern people is that true communication ability consists of both “the skill of conveying” and “the skill of receiving.”
In our busy daily lives, we tend to prioritize what we want to say. But by taking time to turn our hearts toward others’ stories, human relationships become surprisingly rich. In conversations with family, talks with friends, and interactions at work, try starting with “listening first” in all situations.
When listening to others, try putting down your smartphone, looking into their eyes, and turning your heart toward them. By doing so, you can see what the other person really wants to convey. And only with that understanding will your words reach the other person’s heart.
In modern society, “transmission ability” tends to be emphasized, but people with real influence value “reception ability” just as much. Why don’t you also try to make it a habit to listen first before speaking, starting today? Surely, your relationships with the people around you will become warmer and deeper than ever before.
To listen is to love. And it is also to be loved.
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