How to Read “刎頸の交わり”
Funkei no majiwari
Meaning of “刎頸の交わり”
Beheading’s friendship refers to an extremely deep friendship or relationship of trust where one would not hesitate to sacrifice their life for the other.
This is not merely a close friendship, but a word that expresses the deepest level of human relationships where one would throw away their own life for the sake of another. It is used when speaking about comrades who have overcome difficulties together over many years, or friends who deeply understand and respect each other’s character. Even today, in a world where superficial relationships are common, it is used to express the preciousness of relationships with people you can truly trust. The reason for using this expression is to emphasize a soul-level connection that cannot be fully expressed by ordinary words like “friendship” or “close friend.” A relationship with someone for whom you would be willing to stake your life—the most precious thing—is considered the most valuable treasure in life.
Origin and Etymology
“Beheading’s friendship” originates from the story of friendship between Lian Po and Lin Xiangru recorded in the Chinese historical text “Records of the Grand Historian.”
During the Warring States period in the state of Zhao, when the civil official Lin Xiangru was appointed to a higher position than the military general Lian Po, Lian Po was displeased. However, Lin Xiangru prioritized the nation’s interests over personal feelings and continued to avoid conflict with Lian Po. Eventually, Lian Po came to understand Lin Xiangru’s noble character, acknowledged his own wrongdoing, and apologized.
At this time, Lin Xiangru said, “We would not mind having our necks cut for each other’s sake,” and the two were bound by a deep friendship where they would share life and death. “Beheading” means to cut off the neck, in other words, death. From this historical tale, extremely deep friendship or trust relationships worth risking one’s life for came to be called “Beheading’s friendship.”
It was transmitted to Japan along with classical Chinese learning and was particularly valued during the samurai era. As a word expressing bonds that go beyond mere friendship—where people entrust their lives to each other—it has long taken root in the hearts of the Japanese people.
Interesting Facts
The character “刎” in “beheading” is a rare character rarely used in daily life, a specialized character used only in the meaning of “to cut off the neck.” This single character expresses the intense resolve of “risking one’s life.”
In the story of Lian Po and Lin Xiangru recorded in the Records of the Grand Historian, after Lin Xiangru spoke of “Beheading’s friendship,” the two actually supported each other throughout their lives and protected the state of Zhao, as recorded in history. There is historical fact that they actually fulfilled that promise, not just in words.
Usage Examples
- Those two have had Beheading’s friendship since their student days, sharing joys and sorrows, and have overcome any difficulty together
- My long-time business partner and I have formed Beheading’s friendship, and we have a relationship where we would do anything for each other’s success
Modern Interpretation
In modern society, “Beheading’s friendship” is being reevaluated even more as shallow relationships connected through social media become mainstream. In the information age, building networks with many people tends to be emphasized, but surprisingly few people can actually be relied upon when you’re truly in trouble.
While technological advancement has made communication possible across physical distances, the depth of human relationships is said to have become diluted. Even if you have thousands of “friends” online, there are probably only a few people with whom you can truly form Beheading’s friendship.
In modern times, rather than the literal meaning of risking one’s life, it is more often understood as “supporting each other by staking your life” or “helping the other person no matter what sacrifice you must make.” We can find the modern meaning of this word in relationships where entrepreneurs throw everything away for business success, or in bonds where athletes aim for the pinnacle together.
However, in modern times where individualism has permeated society, more people feel uncomfortable with the idea of sacrificing oneself for others. This ancient proverb may be teaching us anew the importance of building deep relationships of trust while maintaining healthy boundaries.
When AI Hears This
There are three structural reasons why “friendships unto death” are difficult to establish in modern society.
First is the development of legal systems. Today we have well-established mechanisms where police and courts protect individuals. When friends fall into crisis, problems can often be resolved through legal procedures. In other words, situations requiring life-risking rescue rarely arise in the first place. While self-help remedies were the norm in ancient China, today “leaving it to the law” is considered the correct approach.
Next is the permeation of risk management society. Through insurance systems and social security, individual risks are distributed across society as a whole. For example, even if a friend is troubled by debt, there are bankruptcy systems and welfare programs. The very structure where one person bears full responsibility has weakened.
Most interesting is how friendship has changed in the SNS era. Modern people’s friendships tend to be broad but shallow, with the average Japanese person having over 150 SNS friends. However, psychological research suggests that truly deep relationships can only be built with about 5 people at most. In other words, opportunities to build relationships deep enough to make us think “I would risk my life for this person” are themselves decreasing.
Modern society is safe and rational, but ironically has lost the soil where life-risking bonds can form. Our longing for “friendships unto death” may be nostalgia for the deep human relationships we have lost.
Lessons for Today
What Beheading’s friendship teaches modern people is the importance of “quality over quantity” in human relationships. It’s not the number of social media followers or acquaintances, but truly heartfelt bonds with people that enrich our lives.
In modern society, valuing one’s own time and energy is considered important, but having relationships where you can sometimes put the other person before yourself gives life depth and meaning. This can be built not only with lovers and family, but also with friends and colleagues.
What’s important is not to unilaterally seek such relationships, but to first try to become that kind of person for others. Genuinely rejoicing in others’ success, extending a helping hand during difficult times, becoming a person worthy of trust. Such an attitude will eventually nurture true friendship.
You don’t need to be perfect. Relationships where you can support each other while accepting each other’s weaknesses. If you can build even one such Beheading’s friendship, your life will surely become remarkably richer.
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