How to Read “益者三友、損者三友”
Ekisha san’yuu, sonsha san’yuu
Meaning of “益者三友、損者三友”
“Beneficial persons three friends, harmful persons three friends” means that there are three types of friends who are beneficial to one’s life and three types of friends who are harmful.
The three beneficial friends refer to honest and sincere people, trustworthy people, and people with broad knowledge and experience. On the other hand, the three harmful friends refer to superficial people with twisted hearts, indecisive people with weak will, and people who are all talk with no ability to execute. This proverb teaches the importance of choosing friends, showing that the kind of people one associates with greatly influences one’s character formation and life direction. While good friends provide opportunities for learning and growth, bad friends pose the danger of acquiring bad habits and ways of thinking. Even in modern times, this teaching holds very practical meaning in workplace colleague relationships and school friendships.
Origin and Etymology
“Beneficial persons three friends, harmful persons three friends” originates from the words of Confucius recorded in “Ji Shi Chapter 16” of the ancient Chinese classic “The Analects.” The original text states “益者三友、損者三友。友直、友諒、友多聞、益矣。友便辟、友善柔、友便佞、損矣” (Beneficial persons three friends, harmful persons three friends. Befriend the upright, befriend the trustworthy, befriend the well-informed – this is beneficial. Befriend the ingratiating, befriend the pleasant but unprincipled, befriend the glib-tongued – this is harmful).
This teaching comes from when Confucius was explaining the importance of human relationships to his disciples, specifically showing criteria for choosing friends. Confucius believed that to build an ideal society, individual character formation was essential first, and for that, interaction with good friends was indispensable.
“The Analects” is a book compiled by disciples after Confucius’s death, and has long been valued in China as a fundamental text of learning. It was introduced to Japan during the Nara period, and from the Heian period onward, became widely studied as education for the nobility and warrior classes. Particularly during the Edo period, with the spread of Neo-Confucianism, such teachings about human relationships are said to have penetrated even to the common people.
Even today, this proverb is known to many people as a guideline for thinking about how to interact with others, and continues to be passed down as classical wisdom showing the great impact that the quality of human relationships has on life.
Interesting Facts
I do not know any special trivia about this proverb.
Usage Examples
- That person is one of the beneficial persons three friends, so let me try to listen to what they have to say more actively
- My relationship with him might become one of the harmful persons three friends, so it might be better to keep some distance
Modern Interpretation
In modern society, with the development of SNS and online communities, the very definition of “friend” has undergone significant changes. The forms of friendship have diversified from traditional friendships based on physical proximity to digital relationships connected through common interests and values.
In our information society, the value of “well-informed” friends has increased even more. While the internet overflows with vast amounts of information, encounters with people who possess truly valuable knowledge and insights are precious. On the other hand, relationships with people who only spread superficial information or circulate unfounded information might correspond to what the classics call “harmful persons.”
Moreover, the importance of “honest friends” and “trustworthy friends” has also changed in modern times. Online, it’s easy to hide one’s true feelings and relationships tend to remain superficial. However, precisely because of this, relationships with truly sincere and trustworthy people have become even more valuable.
While technological advances have enabled us to connect with more people, the ability to discern high-quality human relationships has become increasingly important. Classical wisdom holds new meaning as a guide for organizing modern complex human relationships and finding the relationships we should truly cherish.
When AI Hears This
In the SNS era, “friends” have come to be measured in numbers. 1,000 followers, 500 friends, and so on. However, this numerical trap is precisely the true nature of the modern version of “three harmful friends.”
Algorithms show us only “similar opinions.” At first glance, this seems like what Confucius called “friends who are honest,” but it’s actually “friends who flatter” itself. This is because it blocks different perspectives and stops our thinking.
Even more serious is the “viral effect.” The mechanism by which inflammatory and extreme opinions spread more creates mass production of the modern version of “friends who are all talk.” In other words, the most prominent voices have become the least trustworthy voices.
On the other hand, the possibility of finding true “friends who are well-informed” has also expanded. This is because we can directly connect with experts and people from different cultures around the world. However, distinguishing them now requires new skills.
What’s interesting is that “friends who are straightforward” have become the rarest in digital spaces. The combination of anonymity and algorithms hides true feelings and promotes superficial relationships. As a result, we live in an era where we’re surrounded by the most “friends” in history while feeling the most lonely.
Modern beneficial friends are those who speak the truth even from behind screens, provide diverse perspectives, and encourage our growth.
Lessons for Today
What this proverb teaches modern people is the “power of choice” in human relationships. We meet and interact with countless people daily, but we don’t need to build deep relationships with all of them. Rather, it’s important to discern people who help us grow, people we can trust, and people who give us new perspectives, and to cherish our time with such individuals.
In modern society, superficial connections tend to increase, but precisely because of this, it’s important to cultivate an eye for finding truly valuable relationships. Let’s develop the ability to carefully observe others’ words and actions and judge whether they have a positive influence on us.
At the same time, we must not forget to strive to become “beneficial persons” for others ourselves. Being honest and sincere, being trustworthy, and constantly learning to broaden our knowledge form the foundation for building good human relationships. People are like mirrors. If you seek good friends, start by becoming a good friend yourself.
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