How to Read “Boys and girls should not sit together once they reach seven years old”
Danjo shichisai nishite seki wo onajū sezu
Meaning of “Boys and girls should not sit together once they reach seven years old”
This proverb means that boys and girls should not sit together once they turn seven years old.
Even though young children play together without distinction between boys and girls, this teaching says that once they reach age seven, they should maintain distance and build proper relationships.
This expression was mainly used in educational and child-rearing contexts. People used it when teaching the need to learn social rules and manners as children grew up.
It was especially quoted when making children aware of gender differences and teaching them behavior appropriate to their respective positions.
In modern times, people rarely practice this proverb literally due to gender equality perspectives. However, as a historical teaching, it helps us understand what values past societies held.
The idea itself of developing social awareness according to growth stages contains an educational essence that transcends time.
Origin and Etymology
This proverb is believed to originate from the philosophy of the “Book of Rites,” a Chinese classic.
The Book of Rites is one of the Confucian scriptures that details etiquette and manners for maintaining social order. It taught that clearly distinguishing between males and females was an important element in preserving social order.
The age of seven was chosen because in ancient China and Japan, this period was recognized as a transition from childhood to adulthood.
Seven years old was considered the age when children become aware and begin understanding social rules. Boys and girls who had played freely together as innocent children were now expected to act with awareness of their future social roles.
The expression “should not sit together” carried not just the physical meaning of separating seating areas, but a broader meaning of distinguishing living spaces and educational settings.
This was because society at that time expected different roles from males and females. People considered it appropriate to make distinctions from childhood as preparation for these roles.
In Edo period Japan, this teaching was emphasized especially in samurai society and became widely accepted as a principle for educating children.
Usage Examples
- I heard that in the past, following “Boys and girls should not sit together once they reach seven years old,” even elementary schools strictly separated boys and girls
- I was surprised to learn that in my grandmother’s era, the teaching “Boys and girls should not sit together once they reach seven years old” was considered normal
Universal Wisdom
Behind this proverb’s long transmission lies a universal challenge that human societies have always faced: the balance between order and freedom.
In every era and culture, societies have needed certain rules and boundaries. These weren’t for oppression, but rather wisdom for diverse people to coexist.
Focusing on the age of seven reveals an important turning point in human development. At this time, children develop self-awareness and begin recognizing relationships with others.
Between innocence and social awareness, they search for their position. Our ancestors believed that providing clear guidance during this delicate growth stage would lead to children’s stability.
This proverb also asks us about the meaning of “drawing boundaries.” In human relationships, maintaining appropriate distance actually means respecting the other person.
Whether too close or too distant, healthy relationships cannot be built. Boundaries are not walls, but markers for acknowledging each other’s territory.
Times have changed, and thinking about relationships between males and females has greatly evolved.
However, the importance of developing social awareness according to growth and learning appropriate distance in human relationships remains an unchanging truth.
When AI Hears This
Amazing changes occur in the brains of children around age seven. According to brain imaging research, the area called the “social brain network” develops rapidly during this period.
This is the part that reads other people’s minds. More interestingly, clear sex differences appear in this development.
In boys, neural circuits processing competition and hierarchical relationships are preferentially strengthened. In girls, circuits processing emotional sharing and cooperation are strengthened.
Children at this age naturally begin preferring same-sex groups. This isn’t simply cultural learning, but happens because neural-level preparation is complete.
For example, when children aged six to eight are shown photos of opposite-sex and same-sex faces, the brain’s reward system responds more strongly to same-sex faces.
In other words, the brain literally begins feeling that being with the same sex is “comfortable.”
Ancient people didn’t have brain imaging devices, but they experientially recognized this developmental turning point.
The custom of separating boys and girls at seven actually aligned with the social environmental changes the brain naturally seeks.
Did cultural norms coincidentally match the biological preparation period, or were norms created by observing children’s natural behavioral changes? Probably influences went both directions.
Modern neuroscience proves that ancient wisdom wasn’t mere superstition, but the product of keen human observation.
Lessons for Today
What this proverb teaches modern people is the importance of learning appropriate to growth stages.
The specific methodology of separating boys and girls no longer fits our times. However, the idea of developing appropriate social awareness according to age and developmental stage remains a basic principle of education.
Particularly noteworthy is the meaning of “being aware of boundaries.” In modern society, all boundaries have become ambiguous, creating anything-goes situations.
However, appropriate boundaries are actually the foundation of freedom and respect. Only by recognizing the territory of self and others can we build healthy relationships.
This applies equally in workplaces, friendships, and within families.
This proverb also reminds us of the virtue of “moderation.” Not overdoing anything, maintaining appropriate distance. This isn’t coldness, but rather wisdom for maintaining good relationships long-term.
Precisely because we live in a modern age of constant connection through social media, the value of consciously taking distance is being reconsidered.
Rather than blindly following ancestral teachings, we should read the universal wisdom behind them and apply it to modern times. That is the true meaning of inheriting tradition.
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