How to Read “兄たり難く弟たり難し”
Ani tari gataku otōto tari gatashi
Meaning of “兄たり難く弟たり難し”
This proverb means that both guiding a younger brother as an elder brother and respecting an elder brother as a younger brother are extremely difficult.
It expresses the complex emotions that arise precisely because they are blood-related brothers. The elder brother feels responsible for his younger brother and tries to be a good role model, but it’s difficult to continue being a perfect elder brother. On the other hand, even when the younger brother tries to respect and follow his elder brother, sometimes feelings of rebellion or jealousy sprout. Because they are close to each other, they can see each other’s flaws and strengths clearly, creating moments when they cannot be honest with each other. This proverb accurately expresses the delicate balance of sibling relationships and the difficulty of each position. It’s a saying that recognizes the difficulty of fulfilling ideal roles in the most intimate human relationships within the family, while teaching us the importance of caring for each other despite these challenges.
Origin and Etymology
The origin of this proverb is thought to trace back to a passage in the ancient Chinese classic “The Analects.” The prevailing theory is that it originated from words spoken by Zilu, a disciple of Confucius, about sibling relationships.
The expression “Elder brother being difficult younger brother being difficult” can also be found in Edo period literature, where it was used as a phrase expressing the complexity of sibling relationships from that time. During this era, the family succession system was established, and within the social system where the eldest son inherited the family, an environment was created where subtle differences in position between brothers could easily arise.
What’s interesting is that this proverb doesn’t simply mean “siblings don’t get along well.” Rather, it expresses the complexity of special emotions that arise precisely because they are blood relatives. Because they are close, they understand each other deeply, but for that very reason, expectations and disappointments also become greater. The wisdom of ancestors who saw through the essence of such human relationships is embedded in this saying.
The background to why this proverb has been passed down for so long lies in the universal difficulty of sibling relationships common to all eras. Despite having the absolute bond of blood connection, it’s a masterful expression that captures in few words the emotional subtleties that cannot be resolved by that alone.
Usage Examples
- Watching my sons, I can understand both of their feelings well – Elder brother being difficult younger brother being difficult
- They say Elder brother being difficult younger brother being difficult, but since they’re family, they should be able to support each other in the end
Modern Interpretation
In modern society, the meaning of this proverb has become more multi-layered. With the advancement of nuclear families and fewer siblings, only children are not uncommon. Therefore, many people have not experienced actual sibling relationships, making it difficult to truly understand this proverb.
However, with the spread of social media, the complexity of sibling relationships has surfaced in new forms. Siblings’ successes and happiness have become more visible, increasing opportunities for comparison. An environment has been created where comparisons between siblings easily arise at each life milestone – education, employment, marriage, child-rearing, and so on.
On the other hand, sibling relationships have also diversified in modern times. There has been a shift from the traditional one-directional relationship of “the elder brother guides the younger brother” to relationships where they support each other as equal partners. More siblings help each other in their respective areas of expertise, regardless of age differences.
Additionally, this proverb is being applied to senior-junior relationships in the workplace and role distribution in teams. It’s being reevaluated as a lesson that applies to modern organizational management, including the difficulty of demonstrating leadership and the importance of followership. In “pseudo-sibling relationships” beyond blood relations, the essential meaning of this proverb can be said to have new value.
When AI Hears This
“Ani tari gataku otōto tari gatashi” brilliantly captures the paradox of asymmetry in relationships. This saying points to a symmetrical reality where positions that appear hierarchical—older and younger brothers—actually face difficulties of equal magnitude.
The core of this paradox lies in “shared suffering born from different positions.” The older brother constantly faces pressure to be a role model, shoulder responsibilities, and care for his younger sibling. Meanwhile, the younger brother feels the weight of constant comparison, living in his brother’s shadow, and having limited opportunities to express his individuality. While the older brother may seem advantaged on the surface, both are actually trapped and unable to move freely within their “expected roles.”
What’s fascinating is how frequently we see this same structure in modern organizations. Managers bear responsibility for their subordinates and face intense pressure to deliver results, while employees struggle with evaluation anxiety and restricted autonomy. Both sides feel “my position is tough,” yet they rarely recognize the difficulties inherent in the other’s situation.
This proverb teaches us to move beyond asking “who has it better?” in human relationships, emphasizing instead the importance of mutual understanding that “each position has its own unique challenges.” The real solution isn’t changing positions, but acknowledging and respecting each other’s struggles.
Lessons for Today
What this proverb teaches modern people is the reality that perfect human relationships don’t exist, and the value of continuing to cherish relationships despite this. Whether at work or at home, we sometimes exhaust ourselves by trying too hard to meet someone’s expectations. But the words “Elder brother being difficult younger brother being difficult” speak gently to us in such situations.
It’s okay not to be perfect. The other person surely understands that you’re doing your best. And the other person is also struggling with and making efforts in their relationship with you in the same way. By acknowledging this shared “difficulty,” we can deepen our understanding of each other and build warmer relationships.
In modern society, we often see only others’ successes on social media and become depressed about our own imperfections. But this proverb teaches us that no matter how admirable people may appear, they have similar worries in their relationships with those close to them. Once we realize this fact, we should be able to relax more and face people more naturally.
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