How to Read “Having three daughters will ruin your fortune”
Musume sannin moteba shindai tsubusu
Meaning of “Having three daughters will ruin your fortune”
This proverb means that having three daughters will strain the family finances through marriage expenses and eventually exhaust the family fortune.
In old Japan, families were expected to provide dowries and trousseau items when marrying off daughters. These expenses placed a heavy burden on household budgets.
If one daughter was already difficult, three daughters meant an immeasurable economic blow. This proverb expresses the financial hardship of raising children, especially the struggles parents with daughters faced.
Even today, weddings and setting up new households require considerable expenses. But in the past, these costs were serious enough to threaten a family’s survival.
This proverb captures the complexity of parental love. It shows parents who spare no expense for their children, and the financial difficulties that result from such devotion.
Origin and Etymology
The exact origin of this proverb is unclear. However, it likely became widely used from the Edo period through the Meiji period.
In Japanese society at that time, marrying off a daughter required large dowries and trousseau items.
“Shindai” means property or family fortune. “Tsubusu” means to exhaust or go bankrupt.
So the proverb expresses the reality that having three daughters meant enormous expenses for each marriage. Even wealthy families could lose their fortunes this way.
In samurai families and merchant houses especially, a daughter’s marriage was important. It affected the family’s status and business relationships.
Preparing a complete trousseau of kimonos, furnishings, and furniture required substantial spending. Wedding ceremonies and receptions also placed huge burdens on families wanting to maintain their prestige.
The specific number “three” is used because families with three daughters actually faced economic hardship. This resonated with many people.
Two daughters might be manageable, but three really could make the household finances collapse. The proverb contains this realistic sense of daily life.
Interesting Facts
In Edo period merchant houses, trousseau items for daughters included storage chests, dressers, vanity tables, kimonos, and bedding. Families sometimes prepared dozens to over a hundred items.
These weren’t just household goods. They were precious assets to support the daughter’s future life and protect her position in her new family.
In contrast, there’s a saying “Having three sons brings family prosperity.” Sons were welcomed as labor and heirs, while daughters were seen as economic burdens.
This contrast reveals the different views of men and women in that era.
Usage Examples
- We have three daughters, so when the wedding rush comes, “Having three daughters will ruin your fortune” will really apply and our savings will hit rock bottom
- The old saying “Having three daughters will ruin your fortune” is so true, and relatives sympathize with fathers of three sisters saying they must have it tough
Universal Wisdom
Behind this proverb lies a fundamental form of human love. Parents sacrifice themselves for their children.
The parental heart that wants to provide daughters with proper wedding preparations, even knowing the fortune will decrease, is a universal emotion across time.
Interestingly, this proverb doesn’t just lament economic hardship. It also contains a kind of pride and resolve.
If parents could marry off three daughters properly, they felt satisfaction in fulfilling their parental duty, even if they lost their fortune. This shows how humans prioritize values that money cannot measure.
The proverb also contains an eternal theme. How do we balance individual happiness with the whole family’s interests within the family community?
Parents wish for their daughters’ happy marriages. But this might shake the entire family’s economic foundation. Still, parents devote themselves to their children.
This contradiction and conflict may be the essence of being human.
Furthermore, this proverb reveals the mechanism of wealth transfer across generations that has sustained humanity. The fortune built by the parent generation passes to the next generation.
Even if this process brings temporary hardship, it creates circulation throughout society.
When AI Hears This
If there’s only one daughter, the father has the option to “refuse marriage proposals with bad conditions.” This is the source of negotiating power in game theory.
The groom’s family thinks “if we push too hard, the engagement might break off” and moderates their demands. But when there are three daughters, the father is bound by the constraint that “all three must be married off.”
Moreover, society constantly knows “two daughters still remain” or “one daughter still remains.”
What’s frightening here is that the groom’s family can accurately calculate the father’s “inability to refuse.” For the third daughter’s marriage proposal, the father’s negotiating power becomes nearly zero.
The groom’s family sees through this: “If he refuses here, this daughter might never find another match.” So they can demand maximum dowries and preparation money.
Worse still, even for the first and second daughters’ proposals, the other party calculates: “This father has two more, then one more waiting. Expenses will continue, so let’s squeeze out everything we can now.”
In other words, once the information that there are three daughters becomes public, the father stands at a disadvantage in all negotiations. This is called “loss of commitment ability.”
Having more options should be advantageous. But conversely, when “circumstances that prevent refusal” become visible, the other party exploits this.
The information about the number of daughters becomes chains that bind the father.
Lessons for Today
This proverb teaches modern people the importance of balancing love with economic reality. The desire to give generously to children and loved ones is beautiful.
But if you destroy your own life foundation, you defeat the purpose.
In modern society, parents make large expenditures for children in many situations. Not just wedding costs, but education expenses and support for home purchases.
At such times, this proverb reminds us of the wisdom “within your means.” If you overextend and exhaust even your retirement funds, you may end up burdening your children.
What’s important is realizing that money isn’t the only way to show love. Taking time to listen, sharing wisdom, providing emotional support.
These are valuable gifts you can give without reducing your fortune. Balance economic support with emotional support while building sustainable family relationships.
That’s the message this proverb wants to convey to you living in modern times.
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