How to Read “Hating others is hating yourself”
Hito wo nikumu wa mi wo nikumu
Meaning of “Hating others is hating yourself”
This proverb means that hating someone else ultimately harms yourself. When you hold onto feelings of hatred toward someone, those negative emotions trap you and rob you of inner peace.
The irony is that the person you hate might be living just fine. Meanwhile, you’re the only one suffering. This proverb points out this unfortunate reality.
People use this saying when there’s trouble in relationships or when someone feels strong anger or resentment. Hatred hurts the person feeling it before it ever hurts the target.
It eats away at your mind and body. You can’t sleep at night. Food loses its taste. You’re constantly irritated, and even your other relationships start falling apart.
Even today, hatred can take over our lives. This happens with online harassment or workplace conflicts. This proverb teaches us how important it is to free ourselves from such negative emotions.
Origin and Etymology
The exact origin of this proverb in written records is unclear. However, it likely emerged from Buddhist philosophy.
Buddhism teaches concepts like karma and reaping what you sow. These ideas say that your actions always come back to you. This belief forms the foundation of the proverb.
Look at the structure of the words. “Hating others” is equated with “hating yourself.” This contrast structure appears often in Japanese proverbs. It’s an effective way to show cause and effect clearly.
During the Edo period, common people learned teachings that valued harmony in relationships. People lived in tight-knit communities back then. Continuing to hate someone meant eventually losing your place in the community.
Against this social backdrop, this proverb spread among the people. It explained how hatred makes you suffer. This was wisdom everyone could understand from experience.
From a psychological perspective, people knew from experience that holding hatred prevents peace of mind and damages health. This proverb captures the concentrated life wisdom of our ancestors.
Usage Examples
- I was irritated every day by my hatred for that person, but hating others is hating yourself, so I decided to let it go
- They say hating others is hating yourself, and it’s really true—I was most unhappy when I was holding grudges
Universal Wisdom
Humans are emotional beings. Joy, sadness, and even hatred naturally well up in our hearts. But this proverb has been passed down for hundreds of years because our ancestors deeply understood the special nature of hatred.
Hatred has characteristics different from other emotions. It binds the person feeling it more strongly than it affects the target. Anger might explode and then subside, but hatred settles deep in your heart.
It slowly eats away at the owner’s spirit. You think about the person you hate constantly. You can’t accept their happiness. You pour your life energy into hatred.
Ironically, the person being hated might not even notice. Or if they do notice, they might not care much and just go about their daily life.
In other words, the arrow of hatred pierces your own heart the moment you shoot it.
This proverb reveals the essence of how human emotions work. The more you try to release negative feelings outward, the more that poison accumulates inside you.
Our ancestors saw through this paradoxical truth. That’s why this proverb continues to sound its warning across the ages.
When AI Hears This
When you hate someone, your brain actually simulates that person’s suffering in your own neural circuits. This is the work of mirror neurons.
Mirror neurons are nerve cells that fire as if you’re experiencing something yourself when you see someone else’s actions or emotions. So when you imagine causing someone pain, your brain reproduces that same pain pattern.
What’s more interesting is that holding onto hatred causes chronic secretion of cortisol, a stress hormone. This hormone raises blood pressure, lowers immune function, and physically shrinks the hippocampus, which governs memory.
One study found that people who hold long-term anger or hatred have a 19 percent higher risk of heart disease. Their stroke risk increases by 24 percent.
In other words, hatred isn’t just a mental issue. It’s a chemical reaction that causes actual damage to the brain and body.
Every time you think about hurting someone, mirror neurons activate. Your nervous system rehearses that pain. Then stress hormones circulate through your blood vessels and cause inflammation at the cellular level.
This proverb isn’t a metaphor. It states a neuroscientific fact. The subject who hates and the subject who gets hurt are literally the same person in the brain’s circuitry.
Lessons for Today
This proverb teaches us that controlling our emotions is the best way to protect ourselves. When someone’s social media post makes you angry, or when you’re treated unfairly at work, we’re tempted to give in to hatred.
But remember this in that moment. The person who suffers most from that hatred is none other than yourself.
Letting go of hatred doesn’t mean forgiving the other person. It means freeing yourself from the prison of hatred. Whatever the other person is like, you have the right to protect your own peace of mind.
If you have time and energy to spend on hatred, it’s far more valuable to use it for your own growth or time with people you care about.
Modern society is full of mechanisms that amplify hatred. That’s exactly why we need to consciously choose to distance ourselves from hatred.
This isn’t weakness. It’s the strength of valuing your own life. Your mental health is something you must protect yourself.
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