How to Read “Relying on others is not as good as relying on yourself”
Hito wo tanomu wa mizukara tanomu ni shikazu
Meaning of “Relying on others is not as good as relying on yourself”
This proverb means it’s better to trust yourself and take action than to depend on others. When people face difficulties, they naturally want to ask someone for help.
But others won’t always meet your expectations. Circumstances change, and people who once helped you might not be able to anymore. They might face their own troubles too.
On the other hand, your own abilities become more reliable the more you develop them. If you trust your capabilities and work hard, they become assets that will never betray you.
This proverb teaches the importance of choosing an independent life over a dependent one. Instead of relying on someone when you’re in trouble, you should build your own strength daily.
Becoming someone who can solve problems independently is ultimately the most reliable and wise path.
Origin and Etymology
This proverb is thought to be influenced by ancient Chinese philosophy, especially Taoist thinkers like Laozi and Zhuangzi. The word “tanomu” was originally written with the character “恃,” meaning “to trust and lean on.”
Chinese classics contain many teachings about the spirit of independence. The idea of “living by your own strength without depending on others” was especially valued as wisdom for surviving turbulent times.
These ideas likely came to Japan when Chinese culture flowed in along with Buddhism and Confucianism.
What’s interesting is that this proverb uses the expression “rely on yourself.” It doesn’t simply mean “do it yourself.” It carries the deeper meaning of “trust yourself” and “lean on yourself.”
The proverb uses a contrasting structure to show the uncertainty of counting on others versus the importance of believing in your own power.
During the Edo period, when the samurai spirit was highly valued, this proverb was widely accepted as a teaching for cultivating independence. The value of not relying on others and carving your own path became deeply rooted in Japanese spirituality.
Usage Examples
- I was going to use my parents’ connections for job hunting, but remembering that relying on others is not as good as relying on yourself, I decided to compete with my own abilities
- He always asks seniors for help, but relying on others is not as good as relying on yourself—learning the skills himself would benefit his future more
Universal Wisdom
Humans are fundamentally social creatures who built civilization by helping each other. But at the same time, we’ve also faced the reality of uncertain human relationships.
Broken promises, betrayed expectations, people we counted on leaving us. Through these experiences, our ancestors reached one truth: you yourself are your most reliable support.
This proverb has been passed down for so long because it captures the eternal conflict between human dependency and independence. The desire to rely on someone is a natural human emotion.
Everyone feels the anxiety and loneliness of living alone. But humanity has also learned through experience that easy dependence can weaken you and lead to a life controlled by others’ convenience.
Interestingly, this proverb doesn’t reject others. Rather, it contains the deep insight that only by becoming strong yourself can you build healthy relationships.
Relationships where independent individuals support each other are truly rich human connections. Not dependence, but relationships based on mutual respect. This proverb quietly tells us that this is the ideal way for humans to be.
When AI Hears This
When you analyze relying on others through game theory, you see a surprisingly unstable structure. Consider a situation where two people cooperate for mutual benefit.
When you trust and rely on the other person, you succeed if they cooperate, but get the worst result if they betray you. This expected value completely depends on the probability of the other person’s actions.
If their cooperation probability is 70%, your success probability is also limited to 70%.
What’s more serious is information asymmetry. You can’t fully know whether the other person truly intends to cooperate. Their ability, motivation, and circumstances are constantly changing variables, making accurate prediction nearly impossible.
In other words, an other-dependent strategy is an unstable function containing uncontrollable random variables.
On the other hand, a strategy that’s self-contained produces consistent results regardless of others’ actions. Game theory calls this a dominant strategy.
Self-reliance is stable as a Nash equilibrium because your results don’t change no matter what choices others make. In other words, predictability is much higher since results aren’t affected by someone’s mood or convenience.
Rather than aiming for maximum profit in cooperative games, taking certain moderate profit through solo action yields higher total scores in long-term repeated games. This is the rationality of self-reliance that mathematics demonstrates.
Lessons for Today
What this proverb teaches modern people is the truth that real freedom comes from independence. We wait for reactions on social media, seek our boss’s judgment, and follow expert opinions.
In such a modern society, the value of the ability to think, decide, and act on your own is immeasurable.
Of course, you don’t need to shoulder everything alone. This proverb teaches independence, not isolation. Having your own axis, sharpening your judgment, and standing on your own feet.
Then, when necessary, asking for help and cooperating with others. Such a balanced way of living is ideal.
There’s something you can start today. Try making small decisions yourself. Before asking someone, try researching on your own first. Without fearing failure, try testing your own strength.
Such accumulation will eventually grow you into a person with unshakable strength. More power sleeps within you than you think. Why not believe in it and take that first step?
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