How to Read “A person’s heart is nine or ten parts out of ten”
Hito no kokoro wa kubu jūbu
Meaning of “A person’s heart is nine or ten parts out of ten”
This proverb expresses a fundamental truth about human relationships. No matter how hard we try to understand another person’s suffering or joy, it remains someone else’s experience. We can never fully grasp what they feel.
Nine or ten parts out of ten means about ninety percent. It looks like we understand almost everything. But that remaining ten percent can never be filled. That unfillable gap is the essential wall that separates us from others.
People use this proverb when they recognize the limits of empathy. You might use it when listening to a friend’s troubles and realizing you can only understand through your own experiences. It captures the frustration of not being able to truly reach another person.
The proverb also applies when your own pain doesn’t get through to others. Even close friends can only understand within the boundaries of their imagination. This reveals a kind of loneliness that exists in all human connections.
In today’s world, we can easily click “like” or leave supportive comments on social media. But this proverb reminds us that real understanding is much harder. Its meaning may be even more important now than ever before.
Origin and Etymology
The exact origin of this proverb in historical texts is unclear. But the structure of the phrase itself offers interesting insights. “Nine parts out of ten” means ninety percent. At first, this sounds like nearly complete understanding.
However, the proverb’s real message focuses on the remaining one part. That small ten percent we cannot understand is what matters most. This gap represents the unbridgeable distance between self and other.
Japan has long valued the culture of “reading the air” or sensing what others feel. Understanding others without words has been considered a virtue. Yet Japanese culture also recognizes that complete understanding is impossible, even between close people.
This proverb captures both of these contradictory feelings. By using the specific number “nine parts,” it cleverly shows both how much we can understand and how much we cannot. Even with ninety percent comprehension, that final ten percent remains forever out of reach.
That unreachable portion is the essential wall between self and other. Some scholars believe this expression originated among common people during the Edo period. However, no definitive historical records confirm this theory.
Usage Examples
- Even listening to my best friend’s heartbreak story, a person’s heart is nine or ten parts out of ten—I can’t truly know how much it hurts
- No matter how much I explain, a person’s heart is nine or ten parts out of ten, so this joy must be mine alone
Universal Wisdom
“A person’s heart is nine or ten parts out of ten” points to a fundamental human loneliness. We are social creatures who seek connection with others. We try to empathize and understand each other.
But no matter how close we are, no matter how much we love someone, we cannot fully enter another person’s heart. This remains true even for the most intimate relationships.
This truth is not pessimistic. Rather, it forms the foundation of honesty in human relationships. Assuming we “can understand” someone completely can lead to arrogance. When we think we fully grasp another’s pain, we may actually fail to truly support them.
This proverb has been passed down through generations because people repeatedly face this reality. Even between parent and child, husband and wife, or closest friends, there exists a space in the heart where others cannot enter.
Accepting this fact actually creates respect for others. Because we cannot fully understand, we must keep trying. The proverb teaches us the value of this effort.
It doesn’t tell us to give up at ninety percent understanding. Instead, it asks us to acknowledge that remaining ten percent while still trying to connect. This attitude, perhaps, is what true compassion looks like.
When AI Hears This
The ultimatum game is a famous experiment. Two people split 1000 yen. The proposer suggests “900 yen for me, 100 yen for you.” Most receivers reject this offer, even though rejection means both get nothing.
Economically, 100 yen is better than zero. Yet humans choose to punish unfair proposals even at their own cost. Interestingly, across all cultures worldwide, proposers typically offer 50-50 to 60-40 splits. When offers exceed 70-30, rejection rates spike dramatically.
The psychology of “nine or ten parts out of ten”—being dissatisfied even with ninety percent—matches these experimental results perfectly. The human brain has built-in systems that monitor relative fairness. This seems disadvantageous at first glance.
Why did such a seemingly costly mechanism evolve? Because for humans living in groups, showing intolerance for unfairness prevents exploitation long-term. It maintains cooperative relationships across time.
The “dissatisfied with nine parts” psychology isn’t selfishness. It’s a social defense mechanism against freeloaders or cheaters. The proverb sounds critical because we focus on short-term gains and losses.
But viewed as a long-term relationship strategy, this “unsatisfied heart” actually drives the creation of fair societies. What seems like discontent is actually the engine of justice.
Lessons for Today
This proverb teaches modern people the importance of recognizing the limits of understanding. In an age where we show empathy with a simple “like” on social media, we easily forget how difficult real understanding is.
Casually saying “I understand” can actually diminish the weight of someone’s experience. It can make their struggles seem smaller than they are.
When someone important to us suffers, we cannot fully understand them. What we can do is keep trying to understand. Maintaining humility about “only understanding nine parts” while still trying to be there—this creates true compassion.
We also need to accept that our own suffering won’t fully reach others. Instead of getting frustrated asking “why don’t you understand,” we can appreciate those who listen. This emotional maturity enriches our relationships.
Because we cannot fully understand each other, dialogue has value. Because that gap exists, we must keep talking and listening. The proverb sends us this positive message.
“A person’s heart is nine or ten parts out of ten” isn’t about giving up on connection. It’s about approaching others with honesty and humility, knowing the limits while still reaching across them.
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