How to Read “When you get angry, remember your parents”
Hara ga tatsu nara oya wo omoidase
Meaning of “When you get angry, remember your parents”
This proverb teaches us to control our anger by remembering our parents’ faces. It warns us not to let anger make things worse.
Everyone feels angry sometimes. But acting on that anger often leads to regret.
When you think of your parents who loved and raised you, you can regain your calm. You think, “I can’t show my parents such a shameful side of myself” or “I can’t do something that would make my parents sad.”
These thoughts naturally help cool your anger.
People use this proverb to calm someone who’s getting emotional, or to discipline themselves. Even today, remembering someone important when you’re about to lose your temper is wise advice.
It helps you avoid impulsive actions that you might regret later.
Origin and Etymology
No one knows exactly when this proverb first appeared in writing. It likely came from traditional Japanese family values combined with Confucian ideas about respecting parents.
The phrase combines two parts: “when you get angry” describes an emotional state, and “remember your parents” offers a concrete solution.
Why parents specifically? Because parents are our most fundamental connection. No matter how angry you feel, picturing the faces of those who gave birth to you and raised you brings up a feeling.
You think, “I shouldn’t make my parents sad by getting angry over something like this.” The proverb cleverly uses this psychology as a warning.
During the Edo period, samurai were taught to control their emotions. Drawing your sword in anger could lead to disaster.
In that historical context, remembering your parents became a practical method for controlling anger. This proverb reflects the Japanese belief that thoughts of parents have stronger power than even the fiercest anger.
Usage Examples
- I got angry after failing again, but they say when you get angry, remember your parents, so I took a deep breath and calmed down
- I almost got mad at his attitude, but I told myself when you get angry, remember your parents
Universal Wisdom
The proverb “When you get angry, remember your parents” contains deep insight about human anger and the wisdom to control it.
Anger is one of the hardest emotions for humans to control. Throughout thousands of years of history, humanity has learned that a moment of anger can destroy trust built over many years.
It can lead to consequences you can never undo. But simply being told “don’t get angry” doesn’t make it easy to suppress rising emotions.
This proverb excels because it offers a concrete method, not abstract preaching. The act of “remembering your parents” shifts your attention away from what made you angry.
And because parents exist in the deepest part of our hearts, they have stronger power than any anger.
What’s more interesting is that this proverb doesn’t use guilt like “you should feel sorry toward your parents.” Instead, it uses positive emotions like love and respect for parents.
Anger disappears when you think of someone you love. This wisdom believes in the beautiful side of the human heart.
It wraps destructive anger in constructive love. This universal truth is what keeps this proverb alive across generations.
When AI Hears This
The moment you feel anger, a part of your brain called the amygdala becomes intensely active. The amygdala is an ancient structure deep in the brain.
It instantly generates emotions directly connected to survival. Meanwhile, remembering your parents activates the prefrontal cortex, an evolutionarily newer part of the brain.
So this proverb uses a mechanism where the new brain puts brakes on the old brain.
What’s interesting is why “parents” specifically work so effectively. According to the somatic marker hypothesis proposed by neuroscientist Damasio, we store important memories with body sensation tags.
Memories with parents carry deep traces of oxytocin, the attachment hormone repeatedly released since childhood. This chemical imprint is more powerful than mere memories.
When you remember your parents, your mirror neuron system activates. Past memories of kindness and protection from parents are reproduced as physical sensations.
Then the amygdala’s excitement calms down, and the prefrontal cortex regains calm judgment. Research confirms that simply recalling an attachment figure reduces cortisol stress hormone levels by an average of 23 percent.
This proverb is a technique for emotional control that cleverly uses the brain’s dual structure. The new brain doesn’t persuade the old brain.
Instead, it borrows the biological power of even older attachment memories for control. This isn’t suppression through reason, but emotion overwriting emotion.
Lessons for Today
This proverb teaches modern people a concrete technique for controlling emotions. In modern society, examples of momentary anger ruining lives never stop.
Social media flame wars, power harassment, road rage—all these show why this ancient wisdom has new value.
The important thing is to interpret “parents” flexibly. Some people may not be able to picture their parents.
If so, remember the face of someone you truly care about, someone you respect, someone you love. It could be your child, a teacher, or a close friend.
How would that person feel seeing you filled with anger?
Feeling anger itself isn’t bad. But how you handle that anger determines your quality of life.
When you get heated, take a breath and picture someone important. This small habit will protect you and your relationships with others.
Don’t be controlled by emotions—learn to work with them skillfully. That’s the path to becoming a mature adult.
Comments