How to Read “Those who would take must first give”
Toran to suru mono wa mazu atau
Meaning of “Those who would take must first give”
This proverb means that if you want to receive something, you must first give to others. It teaches a basic principle of human relationships.
If you want trust, show trust first. If you want cooperation, cooperate first. If you want love, give love first.
This wisdom applies to many situations. Business relationships, building friendships, and creating teamwork all depend on this principle.
You might know the phrase “give and take.” This proverb goes further. It tells you the order matters: give first, then take.
This wisdom remains relevant today. In the age of social media, people who only demand things get ignored.
Those who provide value first attract people and information. The principle hasn’t changed at all.
Origin and Etymology
The exact origin of this proverb isn’t clearly documented. However, its structure suggests influence from ancient Chinese philosophy.
The phrase “first give” connects to ideas found in Laozi’s teachings. His philosophy included the paradoxical wisdom that giving leads to receiving.
“Toran to suru” is classical Japanese meaning “those who would take.” This phrase acknowledges human desires honestly.
The proverb doesn’t deny wanting things. Instead, it offers practical advice: if you want something, give first.
This saying took root in Japan partly through merchant wisdom. During the Edo period, successful merchants understood something important.
They knew that chasing quick profits was shortsighted. Building trust with customers led to long-term prosperity.
The merchant code emphasized relationships over immediate gain. “First give” perfectly matched this business ethic.
The proverb’s structure itself contains the lesson. It places “take” and “give” together in one sentence. This shows the circular nature of human relationships clearly and simply.
Usage Examples
- If you want new customers, follow “Those who would take must first give” by offering free consultations to build trust
- Talking only about yourself won’t make her like you; remember “Those who would take must first give”
Universal Wisdom
This proverb reveals a universal truth: human relationships are fundamentally reciprocal. We all want to receive something.
But many people overlook one fact. The other person also wants something. They have needs and desires too.
The human heart has a curious quality. When someone gives to us first, we naturally want to give back.
This isn’t obligation. It’s a natural emotional flow. People who only demand without giving face closed hearts.
This happens across all times and cultures. It’s part of human nature itself.
This proverb has survived because it works. It’s not just moral teaching. It’s practical life wisdom that delivers results.
Our ancestors learned from experience. Giving value first brings more rewards than directly demanding what you want.
There’s an even deeper insight here. The act of giving itself elevates the giver’s character.
When we give, we confirm our own abundance. This creates mental space and peace. That peace becomes magnetic, attracting more good things.
This isn’t simple transaction. It’s a cycle of human growth and happiness.
When AI Hears This
In the 1980s, political scientist Robert Axelrod held a tournament. He invited researchers worldwide to submit computer programs.
They competed in the prisoner’s dilemma game. This game presents a tricky situation. Both players benefit from cooperation, but betrayal might pay more.
The result? Both players usually betray each other and lose. Many complex strategies entered the tournament.
Surprisingly, a simple program with just a few lines of code won. It was called “TIT-FOR-TAT.”
The strategy was beautifully simple. Always cooperate on the first move. After that, copy whatever the opponent did last time.
In other words, “first give.” Why did this win? Mathematical analysis revealed the answer.
This strategy maintains cooperation with cooperative partners. It immediately punishes betrayers, so they can’t take advantage.
The key is sending a cooperation signal first. This encourages the opponent to cooperate too.
Strategies that betray first score points quickly. But over time, they lose partners and fall behind in total score.
Even more fascinating, biologists tested this theory in nature. Vampire bats share blood with each other. Fish clean parasites off one another.
Computer simulations showed something remarkable. At the genetic level, populations with “give first” traits survive better over many generations.
“First give” isn’t sentimental. It’s a calculated survival strategy that wins the competition of life.
Lessons for Today
This proverb teaches modern people about courage. Not the courage to wait, but the courage to begin.
Many people wait for someone else to move first. But when you take the first step, things start to change.
Want a cooperative workplace? Help your colleagues first. Want deeper friendships? Open your heart and share first.
Want business success? Provide value to customers first. This approach never means losing out.
By giving, you become a richer person. You grow into someone with the abundance to give, the wisdom to give, and the courage to give.
Remember this: what you give always comes back. It might not return immediately. It might not return in the form you expected.
But if you keep giving sincerely, it will return multiplied. It will come back in unexpected ways.
That’s the mysterious law of life.
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