How to Read “Even if a father fails to be a father, a child must not fail to be a child”
Chichi chichi tarazu to iedomo ko wa motte ko tarazaru bekarazu
Meaning of “Even if a father fails to be a father, a child must not fail to be a child”
This proverb means that even when a father doesn’t fulfill his role or responsibilities properly, a child should still fulfill their duties as a child.
It teaches that a child shouldn’t stray from their proper path just because their parent isn’t ideal.
This saying is used when advising children who are dissatisfied with their parents’ behavior. It reminds them to still respect their parents and walk their own path.
It’s also used to emphasize the importance of developing one’s own character rather than using parental shortcomings as an excuse.
In modern times, parent-child relationships have become more diverse. However, the essence of this proverb remains relevant.
It shows the importance of personal agency—not using others’ actions as excuses for your own behavior.
Even if parents aren’t perfect, that’s no reason to abandon living righteously. This is a strict but empowering teaching about independence.
Origin and Etymology
This proverb is believed to originate from the Chinese classic text “Xiaojing” (Classic of Filial Piety).
The “Xiaojing” is one of the important Confucian scriptures. It explains the proper way for children to behave toward their parents.
The text contains a passage that reads “Fu bu fu, zi bu ke yi bu zi.” This was brought to Japan and became established as “Even if a father fails to be a father, a child must not fail to be a child.”
In Confucian thought, the parent-child relationship was considered the foundation of social order. However, reality showed that parents sometimes failed to fulfill their responsibilities.
Even in such situations, the teaching that children should maintain their proper path was necessary. This doesn’t simply preach obedience.
Rather, it can be interpreted as showing an independent way of living—that your actions shouldn’t be determined by others’ actions.
In Japan, as Confucian education spread during the Edo period, this proverb also became widespread, especially among the samurai class.
The idea that children should maintain their dignity even when parents aren’t ideal may have resonated with the spirit of bushido. Bushido valued individual responsibility and dignity.
Usage Examples
- My father didn’t care for his family, but following “Even if a father fails to be a father, a child must not fail to be a child,” I try to be a good child
- There are parts of my parents’ lifestyle I can’t accept, but keeping “Even if a father fails to be a father, a child must not fail to be a child” in my heart, I’ll walk my own path
Universal Wisdom
The universal wisdom this proverb shows is a profound truth. Human dignity is not determined by others’ actions.
None of us are born into perfect environments or to perfect parents. In fact, living with some imperfection or unfairness is more normal.
When people suffer, they want to blame their actions on others. It’s because of bad parents, bad environment, or bad society that I turned out this way.
Thinking this way might ease the mind temporarily. However, there’s a big trap here.
The moment we make others the source of responsibility, we give up control of our own lives.
This proverb has been passed down for so long because our ancestors deeply understood something important. Personal agency is the source of dignity.
Even if a father isn’t fatherly, a child doesn’t need to stop being a child. Why?
Because being a child isn’t a role given by parents. It’s a way of life you choose for yourself.
This may sound like a harsh teaching. But at the same time, it’s a message of hope.
No matter what circumstances you’re in, you can protect your own character. That power belongs to you alone.
When AI Hears This
This proverb can be understood as a mechanism to avoid the worst scenario in game theory’s famous “Prisoner’s Dilemma.”
In the Prisoner’s Dilemma, mutual cooperation benefits both parties. However, fearing the other’s betrayal, both betray each other and reach the worst outcome.
If this happens in a father-child relationship, the father betrays the child, the child betrays the father, and the family system completely collapses.
What’s interesting is that this proverb intentionally breaks complete symmetry. It’s a one-sided rule: “Even if the father isn’t fatherly, the child must be childlike.”
This seems unfair, but game theory has a principle. If even one person maintains a cooperative strategy, system collapse can be prevented.
If both betray, the benefit is minus 10. But if only one cooperates, it’s minus 5. This secures a state better than complete collapse.
More importantly, committing the child to an “unconditional cooperation strategy” changes the father’s calculations. If the father knows the child will never betray, an incentive emerges for the father to return to cooperation.
This is an application of game theory where “unilateral commitment” has the power to change the other’s behavior.
The asymmetric obligation was actually a strategic design that preserves the possibility of relationship repair.
Lessons for Today
What this proverb teaches us today is a powerful truth. You can decide the quality of your own life.
Around you, there may be people who aren’t ideal. People who betray expectations, don’t fulfill responsibilities, or hurt you.
The existence of such people certainly makes your life difficult.
But stop and think about this. If you use their actions as a reason to lower your own character, who ultimately loses?
Not them, but you. Matching yourself to their low standards is the same as handing them control of your life.
In modern society, this wisdom applies beyond parent-child relationships. It works in workplace relationships with bosses, school relationships with teachers, and friendships.
Even if others aren’t sincere, you can be sincere. Even if others don’t fulfill their responsibilities, you can fulfill yours.
This isn’t for their sake. It’s for your own dignity.
Having a self that isn’t swayed by others’ actions—that is true freedom and true strength.
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