How to Read “A mother-in-law’s three days of praise”
Shūtome no mikka home
Meaning of “A mother-in-law’s three days of praise”
“A mother-in-law’s three days of praise” means that in the relationship between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, things may seem good at first, but this friendly relationship doesn’t last long.
When a mother-in-law welcomes a new daughter-in-law, she acts kindly and offers praise at first. But this only lasts about three days. Soon her true, stricter attitude emerges. This proverb captures the reality of human relationships.
This saying teaches us not to be fooled by surface-level kindness. We need to see the true nature of our relationships. It especially warns daughters-in-law not to relax completely after the initial warm welcome. They should stay mentally prepared.
Today, family structures have changed. But this proverb still teaches us about the danger of judging new environments and relationships based only on first impressions.
Origin and Etymology
The exact first written appearance of this proverb is unclear. However, the structure of the phrase offers interesting insights. “Three days” has long been used in Japanese to symbolically represent “a very short period.”
Similar expressions include “three-day monk” (someone who quits quickly) and “three-day reign” (a very brief period of power). This pattern appears throughout the language.
The word “praise” here doesn’t just mean compliments. It refers to the mother-in-law’s generally favorable attitude toward her daughter-in-law. From the Edo period onward, a common family system existed in Japan.
In this system, a bride entered her husband’s family home. She learned housework and family customs under her mother-in-law’s guidance. The relationship between these two women greatly affected household harmony.
When welcoming a new daughter-in-law, mothers-in-law would act kind at first. But eventually their true nature would emerge, and they would become stricter. Many families must have observed this pattern.
This proverb was born from the people’s wisdom in sharply capturing this relationship pattern. The essence of this saying lies in expressing how initial kindness doesn’t last by using “three days” as a short timeframe.
Usage Examples
- My mother-in-law was kind when I first got married, but it was just a mother-in-law’s three days of praise—lately she only complains
- The welcoming mood for new employees is like a mother-in-law’s three days of praise—strict training will start soon
Universal Wisdom
The universal wisdom in “A mother-in-law’s three days of praise” is this truth: a person’s true nature reveals itself over time. Why do people act friendly at first, then change their attitude later?
This comes from a conflict in human psychology between “social desirability” and “true nature.” When a new relationship begins, we unconsciously try to make a good impression.
However, this effort requires temporary energy. We cannot maintain it for long. As time passes, conscious effort fades. Our original personality and values surface.
This phenomenon appears especially clearly in hierarchical or teaching relationships like that between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Initial restraint and consideration fade as the relationship solidifies. True feelings and demands come to the forefront.
This doesn’t come from bad intentions. It’s a natural process as relationships move from a “formal stage” to a “substantial stage.”
This proverb has been passed down for so long because many people have shared this experience. The gap between expectations and reality in relationships, and how time reveals people’s true nature—these are fundamental structures of human society that transcend time.
When AI Hears This
The human brain has a trait called the “primacy effect” when evaluating new experiences. It’s strongly influenced by first impressions. Experiments show that people’s later evaluations change greatly depending on whether they first hear good or bad information about the same person.
The three-day period of a mother-in-law praising her daughter-in-law surprisingly matches the effective duration of this primacy effect.
According to psychologists’ research, the brain’s response to new stimuli peaks at about 72 hours, then rapidly decreases. Until the third day, the event itself—”a new daughter-in-law has arrived”—creates an emotional peak. The brain’s reward system is activated.
But from the fourth day onward, the brain starts processing this situation as “routine.” Then the “recency effect” kicks in. Humans tend to evaluate entire experiences by their final impression. Small flaws noticed after things become routine end up determining the final evaluation.
What’s more interesting is that the three-day period relates to the memory consolidation cycle. Short-term memory usually takes about three days to become long-term memory.
In the mother-in-law’s brain, before the good impression from the first three days solidifies, daily minor complaints begin overwriting as new memories. People in the past must have expressed this timing of cognitive switching as “three days” through experience.
Lessons for Today
What this proverb teaches modern people is the importance of the “test of time” in relationships. We shouldn’t judge others only by first impressions or initial attitudes. We need to take time to see their true nature.
Modern society has more environments where first impressions determine relationships, like SNS and online meetings. But true relationships deepen over time. At the same time, you see the other person’s essence.
Don’t get carried away by good first impressions. Keep the composure to observe others calmly. This is important.
At the same time, this proverb is a warning to yourself. In new relationships, do you only show your good side at first, then change your attitude later? Rather than temporary impression management, maintaining sustainable sincerity is the key to building true trust.
People aren’t perfect, so sometimes your true feelings will show. But by being aware of this and trying to maintain consistent attitudes, your relationships will become richer and more stable.
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