How to Read “Close relationships grow distant”
Shitashiki naka wa tōku naru
Meaning of “Close relationships grow distant”
This proverb warns that even close relationships can become distant if you lose courtesy and moderation.
Just because you’re close to someone doesn’t mean anything goes. The teaching is that you must never forget respect and consideration, especially with people you’re close to.
This saying is used when someone acts too casual or inconsiderate with friends or family.
By saying “Close relationships grow distant,” you warn against taking closeness for granted.
Even today, long friendships can break over small acts of rudeness. Family members often treat each other disrespectfully without thinking.
This proverb still teaches us the importance of respecting others, no matter how close we are.
Origin and Etymology
The exact origin of this proverb isn’t clearly documented. However, the structure of the phrase offers interesting insights.
The expression “grow distant” is worth noting. It describes psychological distance, not physical distance.
This reflects the subtle nature of Japanese language. The relationship doesn’t “break” or “collapse” but “grows distant.”
This shows how Japanese people view relationship changes as gradual distance rather than sudden destruction.
The proverb likely spread among common people during the Edo period. People lived closely together in row houses called nagaya.
In such tight quarters, rudeness born from familiarity often damaged relationships. This wisdom was passed down along with similar sayings.
What’s interesting is that this proverb doesn’t mean “don’t get close to people.”
Instead, it teaches “be polite because you’re close.” This positive message reflects Japanese culture’s emphasis on balancing intimacy with courtesy.
Usage Examples
- Just because we’re old friends doesn’t mean you can say anything. Close relationships grow distant, you know.
- We need to treat family members politely. Close relationships grow distant if we don’t.
Universal Wisdom
This proverb captures one of the most ironic truths about human relationships.
The closer we become to someone, the easier it is to forget consideration for them. This is simply human nature.
Why does this happen? Psychologically, we develop expectations with close people.
We think “this person will understand me” or “this person will forgive me.” We show our raw selves to close people, sides we’d never show strangers.
Sometimes we reveal crude and insensitive parts without hesitation. Without realizing it, we pile up small wounds in their hearts.
There’s an even deeper truth here. Close relationships are actually delicate and fragile.
With casual acquaintances, you can brush off rudeness as “that’s just how they are.”
But rudeness from someone you’ve opened your heart to cuts deep. The greater your expectations were, the deeper the hurt.
This proverb has been passed down for hundreds of years because our ancestors understood this contradiction in human nature.
Balancing closeness with courtesy is difficult. This challenge remains eternal as long as we’re human, regardless of the era.
When AI Hears This
Think of close relationships as an “organized room.” Left alone, rooms always get messy.
This is the second law of thermodynamics, the law of increasing entropy. Entropy measures the degree of disorder.
Everything in the universe naturally moves toward chaos when left unattended.
Intimate relationships have the same structure. Values, life rhythms, emotional waves must align.
This harmonious state is actually extremely low probability. If your friend has two mood states (good or bad) and you have two, both being good simultaneously is only 25% probable.
Real emotions and situations are far more complex. So the probability of harmony is even lower.
Intimacy maintains a statistically “impossible miracle.”
To preserve this miracle, you need regular energy input. This means communication, consideration, and correcting misunderstandings.
Just as a refrigerator can’t keep food cold without electricity, relationships can’t maintain order without conscious effort.
When you get careless because you’re close and stop maintaining the relationship, it collapses following natural law.
This isn’t anyone’s fault. It’s a basic rule of the universe. That’s why close relationships need conscious maintenance.
Lessons for Today
This proverb teaches us that relationships with important people must be nurtured through small daily acts of consideration.
In modern society, we’re constantly connected through social media. We can easily communicate with family and friends.
But this convenience makes us careless. We send messages without choosing words carefully or considering others’ feelings.
Because someone is close, put heart into each message. Even when busy, don’t forget words of gratitude.
Don’t take the obvious for granted. Treat people politely. These small accumulations keep relationships long and rich.
Think about the important people around you. Have you expressed gratitude to them recently?
Are you treating them with respect? Are you handling them carelessly because of your closeness?
Starting today, treat your closest person most politely. Just this will make your relationships warmer and deeper.
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