How to Read “If you don’t see someone’s face for three days, their heart is hard to measure”
Mikka mukō zura sezareba sono kokoro hakari gatashi
Meaning of “If you don’t see someone’s face for three days, their heart is hard to measure”
This proverb means that people’s hearts change easily. Even in just three days without meeting, you can lose track of what someone is thinking.
Human emotions are constantly shifting. Various events and environmental changes affect our mental state moment by moment.
This proverb is used to emphasize the importance of continuous communication in relationships. Even with close friends or family, when you don’t see them for a while, you can’t tell how they’re feeling.
You won’t know what troubles them or what makes them happy. Today, we feel constantly connected through social media and messaging apps.
However, this proverb teaches that truly understanding someone’s heart requires meeting face-to-face. Surface-level information alone cannot capture the deeper changes in a person’s heart.
Origin and Etymology
The exact source of this proverb is uncertain, with various theories about its origin. However, the structure of the phrase offers interesting insights.
Let’s focus on the specific use of “three days.” In old Japanese expressions, “three days” doesn’t necessarily mean exactly 72 hours.
It’s often used as an idiomatic expression meaning “a very short period.” The number “three” appears in many Japanese phrases like “mikka bōzu” (three-day monk) and “mikka tenka” (three-day reign).
The number symbolizes brevity and impermanence in Japanese language. “Mukō kao” means facing each other directly, or meeting in person.
In classical Japanese, meeting someone face-to-face meant more than just physical contact. It was an act of connecting hearts and an important opportunity to sense the other person’s feelings.
This proverb likely emerged from the nature of human relationships in Japanese society before the Edo period. Back then, there were no means of remote communication like today.
The only way to know someone’s heart was to meet them directly. Therefore, even a short gap without meeting meant losing the ability to detect changes in their heart.
This feeling was widely shared among people of that time.
Usage Examples
- When I met my friend after a long time, they had completely changed. I truly understood “If you don’t see someone’s face for three days, their heart is hard to measure.”
- Unless I talk with him face-to-face every day, our feelings quickly drift apart. “If you don’t see someone’s face for three days, their heart is hard to measure” is so true.
Universal Wisdom
The deepest truth this proverb reveals is the instability of the human heart. It shows why continuous involvement with others is so important.
We know that even our own hearts fluctuate daily. Our mood changes from morning to night. What didn’t bother us yesterday might feel like a major problem today.
People’s hearts change so easily because we constantly have new experiences. We encounter new information and feel new emotions as we live.
Joy, sadness, anger, and anxiety all pass through our hearts one after another. These changes are often invisible to others.
This proverb has been passed down through generations because it captures a fundamental difficulty in human relationships. The moment we think we understand someone, that person has already changed a little.
Complete understanding of another person might be impossible. But that’s exactly why continuing to engage with them matters.
Our ancestors understood this essential truth about human nature. Because hearts are so changeable, we need to frequently meet important people face-to-face.
We must exchange words and make the effort to know who they are right now. This might seem troublesome, but it’s an indispensable practice for maintaining human connections.
When AI Hears This
When we think of human internal states as information systems, something interesting emerges. Someone’s heart is like a constantly changing data stream.
Meeting and talking is equivalent to “observation” – actually receiving that data and checking its state.
In information theory, the longer you go without observation, the more uncertainty grows about the target’s state. This is called increasing information entropy.
Consider weather forecasting as an example. Today’s weather can be predicted with high accuracy. But a week from now, the probability spreads widely.
Similarly, you can roughly predict the mood of a friend you saw yesterday. But if you haven’t met for three days, you don’t know what happened in between.
The prediction accuracy drops sharply. What’s particularly noteworthy is that this uncertainty doesn’t increase linearly but exponentially.
In other words, the increase in unpredictability is greater on day two than day one, and greater on day three than day two.
Humans make dozens to hundreds of decisions per day on average. Each has the potential to change their mental state.
Over three days, there are hundreds of branching points. The combinations become astronomical in number.
In communications engineering, signals decay over time and noise gets mixed in. Understanding someone’s heart works the same way.
The “signal” of your last impression gradually weakens. “Noise” from speculation and assumptions increases.
Three days might be the threshold where this signal-to-noise ratio crosses a critical point.
Lessons for Today
This proverb teaches us that maintaining relationships with important people requires conscious effort. In our busy daily lives, we sometimes neglect to stay in touch.
We might assume everything is fine because we see their updates on social media. But if you truly want to understand someone, you need to make time to meet and talk directly.
Words through a screen alone cannot convey everything. To sense their current state and the thoughts deep in their heart, you still need to meet face-to-face.
Especially with family, close friends, and important partners, “thinking you understand” is most dangerous. People change.
You change, and they change too. To notice and continue understanding those changes, ongoing communication is essential.
Today, think of someone important you haven’t seen in a while. How are they feeling right now?
If you don’t know, it might be time to meet them. Bonds with people deepen only through continuous involvement.
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