How to Read “If you serve your lord and remonstrate too often, you will be disgraced”
Kimi ni tsukaete shibashiba sureba koko ni hazukashimeraruru
Meaning of “If you serve your lord and remonstrate too often, you will be disgraced”
This proverb means that if you serve your lord and repeatedly offer advice or criticism, you will end up being disgraced.
Even if your opinions are correct, speaking up too frequently will upset your lord. You’ll lose their trust and eventually face dishonor.
People use this saying as a warning when giving opinions to superiors or elders. In any organization, sharing improvement ideas or critical feedback is important.
But if you get the frequency or timing wrong, you risk being labeled as “that annoying subordinate” or “someone who only complains.”
This wisdom still applies today in workplaces and various relationships. The proverb teaches us about the dangers of wielding logic too forcefully.
It reminds us to consider the other person’s position and feelings.
Origin and Etymology
This proverb likely comes from a passage in the ancient Chinese text “The Analects.” The “Li Ren” chapter contains the phrase “Shi jun shu, si ru yi.”
This phrase traveled to Japan and became established there.
“Tsukaeru” means to serve, “shibashiba” means frequently, “koko ni” means in this way, and “hazukashimeraruru” means to be disgraced.
In Confucius’s time, offering advice to one’s lord was an important duty for retainers. But it also carried great risk.
What’s interesting is that this saying isn’t just about survival tactics. It reveals something fundamental about human relationships.
Confucius didn’t reject remonstration itself. In fact, he believed correcting a lord’s mistakes was a retainer’s obligation.
However, he pointed out a truth about human psychology. If you offer opinions too frequently, no matter how correct they are, you’ll hurt your lord’s feelings and lose their trust.
Japanese warrior society also valued this teaching. It was passed down as wisdom about the delicate balance in lord-retainer relationships.
The proverb has been told for generations as guidance for knowing when to show loyalty through advice and when to remain silent.
Usage Examples
- He’s been giving the department head too many improvement proposals and now they’re annoyed with him—a perfect example of “If you serve your lord and remonstrate too often, you will be disgraced”
- Even if you think you’re saying the right thing, remember “If you serve your lord and remonstrate too often, you will be disgraced,” so choose your timing carefully
Universal Wisdom
The universal truth this proverb reveals is that humans sometimes prioritize “feelings” over “correctness.”
No matter how accurate your criticism is, if repeated, the other person becomes defensive. They focus not on the content but on the discomfort of “being told again.”
What’s fascinating is that this isn’t just about the arrogance of those in power. It’s rooted in a basic human psychological defense mechanism.
Everyone feels hurt when their judgment or actions are criticized. When it happens repeatedly, even if the other person means well, it feels like an attack.
This proverb has been passed down for thousands of years because it captures an eternal dilemma in human relationships.
Should you speak the truth or stay silent? Should you prioritize the organization’s benefit or personal relationships?
This conflict was the same in ancient China as it is in modern Japan.
Our ancestors struggled between ideals and reality and found one piece of wisdom. Words only gain power when both “correctness” and “timing” align.
Speaking the truth and having it accepted are two different things. This proverb contains that deep understanding of human nature.
When AI Hears This
In information theory, repeating the same message should increase transmission reliability. But the human brain has a troublesome characteristic called “habituation.”
When the same signal repeats, the brain automatically lowers that information’s priority. This phenomenon is called “sensory adaptation.”
It’s like how you stop noticing the smell of a room you’re in.
With remonstration, an even more serious problem occurs. The first warning is processed as “useful information.”
But from the second time onward, it shifts to “pattern recognition”—”this person is saying the same thing again.”
The content itself takes a back seat to the attribute information of “repetitive person.” In information theory terms, the message you want to convey (signal) gets buried in the impression of “annoying person” (noise).
Even more interesting is that human attention resources are limited. Psychology research suggests people make about 35,000 decisions daily.
Among these, repeated advice becomes “already processed” information and drops in priority. The brain pays more attention to a first-time casual chat than to the tenth correct warning.
In other words, the effectiveness of remonstration has a paradoxical quality—it’s inversely proportional to frequency.
Information value depends heavily on scarcity and freshness.
Lessons for Today
What this proverb teaches you today is the reality that “correctness alone cannot move people.”
At work or at home, there are probably countless things you’d like to improve. But if you communicate those feelings the wrong way, your good intentions backfire.
What matters is balancing the “quality” and “quantity” of your words. When truly important moments arise, speak up with courage.
But if you point out every little thing, your words won’t reach anyone when it really counts. Knowing when to stay silent is a skill as important as speaking up.
This proverb also encourages creativity in “how” you communicate. Instead of direct criticism, try asking questions, watching for the right timing, or acknowledging someone’s achievements before making suggestions.
The same content can be received very differently.
When your correct opinion is conveyed with proper timing and method, only then does it gain the power to move people.
True wisdom isn’t just knowing what to say. It’s knowing when and how to say it.
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