How to Read “Those who flatter you to your face will surely slander you behind your back”
Omae tsuishō suru mono wa kanarazu kage nite soshiru
Meaning of “Those who flatter you to your face will surely slander you behind your back”
This proverb points out the two-faced nature of people who superficially obey you but secretly speak ill of you. It means that those who smile and flatter you to your face, agreeing with everything you say, are the very ones who criticize and badmouth you when you’re not around.
You use this proverb when judging trustworthiness in relationships. It warns you to be cautious of people who are too obedient or who agree with everything. Truly sincere people will speak their minds directly when necessary.
But people who only put on a good front hide their true feelings. That’s why they explode with complaints behind your back.
This lesson still applies in modern society. At work or school, you might see people who act nice in front of bosses or teachers but criticize them constantly behind their backs.
This proverb teaches you the importance of developing the ability to see through such people.
Origin and Etymology
There are various theories about the exact origin of this proverb. However, it’s believed to have been widely used in moral instruction books during the Edo period. The structure of the phrase is quite interesting.
“Omae” in modern Japanese means “you,” but here it’s interpreted to include the meaning of “menzen” or “in front of one’s face.” In other words, it means behaving obediently in someone’s presence.
“Tsuishō” means to follow someone’s wishes or to flatter them. This word has long carried negative connotations. Meanwhile, “soshiru” means to speak ill of someone or to criticize them.
The background of this proverb likely lies in the complexity of human relationships in samurai society and merchant houses. In a society with strict hierarchies where people couldn’t speak their minds openly, there was a pattern of outwardly obeying while secretly expressing dissatisfaction.
Our ancestors recognized the danger of people with such two-faced behavior and left this warning in words. This lesson was born from keen observation of human nature.
Usage Examples
- He’s always the type who flatters the boss to his face but surely slanders him behind his back, so you never know his true feelings
- She only agrees in meetings, but you know what they say about those who flatter you to your face will surely slander you behind your back, so maybe don’t trust her too much
Universal Wisdom
The human nature revealed by this proverb is surprisingly profound. Why do people show different faces in public and private? It’s because they lack the courage to express their true feelings.
Speaking up directly might create conflict or confrontation. They might be disliked. So they pretend to be obedient in the moment and release their dissatisfaction in a safe place.
But there’s a deep contradiction here. If you truly respect and trust someone, there’s no need to badmouth them behind their back. Conversely, precisely because you don’t genuinely follow them, stress builds up and emerges as criticism in the shadows.
In other words, excessive flattery is actually a reflection of distrust and resistance.
Our ancestors understood this subtle psychology. They knew that superficial harmony is not true trust. Rather, they understood that relationships where people can reasonably express opinions are healthier.
This proverb has been passed down through generations because this fundamental human weakness hasn’t changed with time. The emptiness of maintaining appearances and the value of sincerity are what this proverb quietly yet powerfully teaches us.
When AI Hears This
Looking at the behavior of praising someone publicly while criticizing them privately from a thermodynamics perspective reveals a surprising structure. Maintaining superficial harmony in the closed system of human relationships actually requires enormous energy.
The greater the gap between true feelings and outward behavior, the more psychological energy must be continuously consumed to maintain that difference.
According to the second law of thermodynamics, entropy or disorder inevitably increases in a closed system. The act of flattering someone publicly is a highly controlled, ordered state of one’s emotions. But maintaining this order requires that suppressed energy be released somewhere.
This appears as slander behind their back. Just as compressed gas inevitably tries to expand, suppressed true feelings erupt elsewhere.
What’s interesting is that the degree of flattery is proportional to the intensity of slander. If you show 10 units of agreement publicly, more than 10 units of critical energy are generated privately.
This resembles the law of action and reaction in physics. The more forcefully you create order, the more disorder is generated as a reaction.
In other words, the law of energy conservation operates in human relationships too. Emotions don’t disappear; they only change form. The more perfect the public harmony appears, the more its price is inevitably paid behind the scenes.
Lessons for Today
What this proverb teaches you today is that sincerity is the wisest way to live. Maintaining appearances might seem easier in the short term. But in the long run, it only makes you suffer.
If you feel dissatisfied with someone, have the courage to communicate it appropriately rather than complaining behind their back. Of course, it’s important to aim for constructive dialogue rather than emotional confrontation.
Expressing your thoughts honestly while respecting the other person is never rude. Rather, it’s the first step toward building true trust.
At the same time, this proverb helps you develop judgment about people around you. With those who are too obedient or who agree with everything, it’s wise to keep some distance and observe carefully.
Truly trustworthy people are those who sometimes express different opinions.
You should want to be such a sincere person yourself. Living without pretense lightens your heart and should make your life much richer.
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