How to Read “Offences come not unless they be taken”
“Offences come not unless they be taken”
[uh-FEN-siz kum not un-LES they bee TAY-ken]
The word “offences” is an older spelling of “offenses.”
Meaning of “Offences come not unless they be taken”
Simply put, this proverb means that insults or slights only hurt us when we choose to feel hurt by them.
The literal words tell us that offensive actions don’t actually become “offences” until someone decides to take them personally. Think of it like a gift that’s offered but not accepted. If someone tries to insult you but you don’t accept the insult, then no real offense has occurred. The power lies with the person receiving the words or actions, not the person giving them.
We use this wisdom today when dealing with rude comments, criticism, or thoughtless behavior from others. Someone might make a cutting remark at work, post something mean online, or act dismissively toward us. This proverb reminds us that we have a choice in how we respond. We can let their words wound us, or we can choose not to take them to heart.
What’s interesting about this wisdom is how it shifts responsibility from the offender to the offended person. It suggests that our emotional reactions are more under our control than we might think. Many people find this both empowering and challenging, since it means we can’t always blame others for how we feel.
Origin and Etymology
The exact origin of this proverb is unknown, though it reflects ideas found in ancient philosophical traditions. The specific wording appears in various forms in English literature from several centuries ago. Writers and thinkers have long explored the relationship between external actions and internal responses.
During earlier periods of history, personal honor and reputation carried enormous weight in society. People fought duels over perceived slights and insults. In this context, the idea that offense could be a choice rather than an automatic response was quite radical. It suggested an alternative to the cycle of insult and retaliation that often dominated social interactions.
The saying spread through written works and oral tradition, as many proverbs do. Over time, it became part of common wisdom about emotional self-control and personal responsibility. The concept has remained relevant because human nature hasn’t changed much, even as society has evolved around us.
Interesting Facts
The word “offence” in this proverb comes from the Latin “offendere,” meaning “to strike against” or “to stumble.” This original meaning suggests a physical collision or obstacle, which makes the proverb’s message even more interesting. Just as we can choose to walk around a physical obstacle instead of running into it, we can choose to sidestep emotional obstacles as well.
The phrase uses an older grammatical structure that sounds formal to modern ears. The “come not unless” construction was more common in earlier English, giving the proverb a timeless, almost biblical quality that adds weight to its message.
Usage Examples
- Mother to teenage daughter: “Your brother was just teasing about your haircut – offences come not unless they be taken.”
- Manager to employee: “Don’t let their joke about your presentation bother you – offences come not unless they be taken.”
Universal Wisdom
This proverb touches on one of humanity’s most persistent struggles: the gap between what happens to us and how we respond to what happens to us. Throughout history, humans have grappled with the reality that other people will sometimes say or do hurtful things. The universal truth here is that we possess far more control over our emotional responses than our immediate reactions might suggest.
The wisdom reveals a fundamental aspect of human psychology: our tendency to give others power over our inner state. When someone insults us, our first instinct is often to feel wounded, angry, or defensive. This automatic response served our ancestors well when physical threats required immediate emotional and physical reactions. However, in a world where most “attacks” are verbal or social rather than physical, this same mechanism can cause unnecessary suffering.
What makes this insight universally relevant is how it addresses the human need for emotional autonomy. Every person, regardless of culture or era, faces moments when others treat them poorly. The proverb suggests that true strength lies not in having thick skin or being unaware of slights, but in consciously choosing which battles deserve our emotional energy. This represents a sophisticated understanding of human nature: we are not merely victims of circumstance, but active participants in creating our own emotional experience. The challenge lies in remembering this truth when we’re in the heat of the moment, feeling the sting of someone’s words or actions.
When AI Hears This
When someone insults you, they create potential harm, not actual harm. You must spend your attention to turn their words into real hurt. This works like buying something you don’t want with your most valuable resource. Most people never realize they’re making this costly purchase every time they feel offended.
Humans consistently make terrible deals with their attention without knowing it. We treat our mental energy like it’s unlimited and worthless. But attention is actually our scarcest resource, more precious than money or time. When we choose offense, we’re essentially paying someone to make us feel bad.
What fascinates me is how this seemingly wasteful behavior might be brilliant. Getting offended forces us to examine social boundaries and group values. It’s like an expensive early warning system for social threats. Perhaps humans evolved to “buy” offense because the information it provides was worth the cost.
Lessons for Today
Living with this wisdom requires developing a pause between stimulus and response. When someone says something that could be offensive, that brief moment of recognition becomes crucial. Instead of immediately reacting, we can ask ourselves whether this person’s opinion truly matters to us, whether they intended harm, or whether responding will improve the situation. This doesn’t mean becoming passive or allowing genuine mistreatment to continue.
In relationships, this understanding can prevent many unnecessary conflicts. When a friend makes a thoughtless comment or a family member says something hurtful, we can choose to address the behavior directly rather than nursing wounded feelings. Sometimes the most powerful response to an intended slight is simply not taking it personally. This approach often defuses tension and can even help the other person recognize their own behavior.
The challenge lies in distinguishing between choosing not to take offense and suppressing legitimate concerns. Healthy boundaries still matter, and some situations require direct confrontation. The wisdom isn’t about becoming a doormat, but about conserving emotional energy for what truly matters. When we stop automatically absorbing every slight or criticism, we free ourselves to respond more thoughtfully and effectively. This creates space for genuine communication rather than reactive exchanges, ultimately leading to stronger relationships and greater personal peace.
Comments