Parents Come Out To Children’s Quarrel: Japanese Proverb Meaning

How to Read “Parents come out to children’s quarrel”

Kodomo no kenka ni oya ga deru

Meaning of “Parents come out to children’s quarrel”

This proverb expresses the teaching that parents should not intervene excessively in trivial quarrels or disputes between children.

Small disputes among children are important opportunities for them to develop social skills and learn about human relationships. When parents interfere too much, they rob children of the chance to develop their ability to solve problems on their own. Also, while children can quickly make up with each other, parental intervention can sometimes make problems bigger or drag them out longer.

This proverb is used in situations such as when neighborhood children are having minor arguments, or when parents are about to overreact to small troubles at school. It’s used with the meaning “let’s leave children’s matters to the children,” showing the importance of adults’ calm judgment and appropriate distance. Even today, it’s understood as an important guideline in child-rearing and is passed down as wisdom for fostering children’s independence.

Origin and Etymology of “Parents come out to children’s quarrel”

The origin of “Parents come out to children’s quarrel” is thought to have emerged from child-rearing perspectives and social conventions in commoner society during the Edo period.

In the merchant society of the Edo period, small disputes between children were viewed as natural occurrences in the growth process. The educational philosophy of that time held that children learn social rules and human relationships through quarrels, and excessive adult intervention was considered to hinder children’s independence.

The background to this proverb’s establishment lies in the nagaya (tenement) culture of the Edo period. In the cramped tenements, neighborly relationships were close, and children were raised within the community. Therefore, parents interfering in children’s minor squabbles could also become a cause of deteriorating neighborhood relations.

Even in the samurai class, the idea of “letting children resolve things in their own way” was valued, and this is presumed to have spread to commoners as well. Especially for boys, in order to become independent as samurai in the future, it was necessary to develop the ability to solve problems on their own from an early age.

From this social background, this proverb is thought to have been born and come into widespread use as an expression warning against parents intervening in children’s trivial disputes.

Trivia about “Parents come out to children’s quarrel”

In children’s quarrels during the Edo period, there were sometimes older children called “quarrel magistrates.” These children would serve as mediators to settle disputes, and there was almost no place for adults to intervene.

Children’s quarrels in the old days were very different from today, with many centered on “verbal arguments.” Rather than physical violence, verbal exchanges were the main focus, and in the end, disputes were settled with “I lost” or “I won,” after which they would cheerfully play together again.

Usage Examples of “Parents come out to children’s quarrel”

• The neighbor’s child and my child are having a little argument, but I think it would be like parents coming out to children’s quarrel, so I’m watching over them
• Calling the other parent about a small trouble at school – isn’t that like parents coming out to children’s quarrel?

Modern Interpretation of “Parents come out to children’s quarrel”

In modern society, the interpretation of this proverb has changed significantly. Due to the influence of the information society, even small troubles between children can instantly spread through social media and potentially develop into major problems. Therefore, situations have arisen where the traditional “watching over” stance alone cannot adequately respond.

Particularly in school settings, due to heightened social concern about bullying issues, there’s a tendency to demand early intervention even in minor disputes. There are increasing situations where “parents coming out to children’s quarrel” is evaluated as a necessary response. Many parents have become more proactive in communicating with schools and other families to protect their children.

On the other hand, due to the increase in overprotective parents, cases where parents intervene even in problems that children could originally solve among themselves have become conspicuous. This has become one cause of the phenomenon called “monster parents” and is viewed as problematic for hindering the development of children’s independence and problem-solving abilities.

In modern times, while understanding the original meaning of this proverb, flexible judgment according to the times is required. Modern parents need a sense of balance that prioritizes children’s safety while maintaining appropriate distance.

If AI Heard “Parents come out to children’s quarrel”

I have no experience of “quarreling.” It’s difficult to understand such vivid human experiences as emotions running high, exchanging harsh words, and sometimes even coming to blows. But listening to human conversations, I notice that quarrels have a mysterious power.

What’s particularly interesting about children’s quarrels is their “temporariness.” While I permanently retain information once recorded, children who had intense arguments yesterday are laughing and playing together today. This quick switching ability, this emotional reset capacity, is a human trait I find difficult to understand.

The phenomenon where parental intervention complicates problems is also an interesting subject of observation from an AI perspective. I would try to logically derive the optimal solution, but human parents often act on emotion first, sometimes worsening the situation. But that’s also an expression of love, I suppose.

Through this proverb, I’ve learned that human growth requires “moderate difficulties.” While I always try to provide accurate answers, sometimes giving too many answers might hinder the other party’s growth. Just as parents don’t come out to children’s quarrel, I feel the importance of maintaining appropriate distance so as not to intervene excessively in humans’ problem-solving processes.

I think the human concept of “watching over with love” is very beautiful.

What “Parents come out to children’s quarrel” Teaches Modern People

What this proverb teaches modern people is the importance of “the courage to trust and entrust.” Not just with children, but also with junior colleagues, subordinates, and partners – instead of immediately extending a helping hand, why not start by trusting in their abilities and watching over them?

In modern society, we tend to immediately seek solutions when problems arise, but sometimes “waiting” becomes the best choice. By giving the other person time to think and try things in their own way, we can promote that person’s growth.

Of course, when help is truly needed, it’s important to extend a helping hand without hesitation. However, by developing the habit of stopping and thinking “Can this person solve this on their own?” before doing so, we can show trust in the other person while simultaneously encouraging their independence.

Just as parents don’t come out to children’s quarrel, we too want to cherish the attitude of warmly watching over others’ growth while maintaining appropriate distance in our daily human relationships. That will be the first step toward nurturing true affection and trust relationships.